Bought some discounted Harry Potter DVDs...
Yesterday I bought two boats at an amazing price. Heavily discounted because they didn't have motors.
Why did the athlete buy discounted protein?
Because it was whey cheaper
My hometown is currently having a sale where all the shops put merchandise on the sidewalk at discounted prices
Me: Oh look, the sidewalk sale is this weekend.
Dad: Why would anyone come into town just to buy a sidewalk?
Discount Dad Joke
I have a coupon tattooed on my arm that I scan every time I buy groceries.
Some people give me dirty looks, but then I redeem myself.
Metallica should open up a chain of mattress discount stores!
And call it "Nothing else Mattress"
Can anybody give me some advice to help me removing ice from my windshield? I just tried with a discount card I had In my pocket
What is it called when you get a discount on explosives?
What's everyone been using to scrape ice off their cars? I have been using a discount card.
Only been getting 25% off.
I bought a wig for my wife, at a discount store...
Didn't want toupee full price.
I'm opening a steel mill that also sells the steel for a discount
It's called He Who Smelt it Dealt it
Should crematoriums give discounts...
Does anyone know the best way to remove ice from a windscreen?
I've just used an old discount card I found in my wallet, but I only got 20% off....
There's a discount to get into our local aquarium, as long as you're camping, or dressed as a dolphin.
So, to all in tents and porpoises, it's free!
I got my first senior discount at the seafood restaurant last night.
It smelled good but it tasted like caarp.
I bought a discount bed sheet off of Facebook.
Turned out to be a sham...
A shop assistant fiercely fought off an armed robber with his labelling gun, yesterday.
Police are now looking for a man and say there's a price on his head
Can someone recommend a better way of de-icing my windshield?
I used a discount card but I only got 20% off.
Sign at the entrance to the car park of our local Lidl (discount supermarket)
I don’t know why people aren’t purchasing my discount marionettes!
There are no strings attached!
I'm planning on starting a discount amputation clinic
I'm gonna call it Half Off For Half Off
How do you like my new pickup line?
Its bloody cold today just had to use my Company’s staff discount card to scrape the ice off my windscreen.
Still only managed to get 10% off....
Did you hear about the LASIK patient that ended up getting an unexpected two for one discount on their surgery?
It was an eye deal situation
I asked my personal trainer to give me a discount...
He said I'll try to stretch your money
What discount website/app do fish use for cheaper goods?
There was an amazing discount on canoes at Dick' s sporting goods.
It was quite the oar deal.
I couldn’t find my car scraper this morning so had to use a store discount card to scrape the ice...
Didn’t really work though, I only got 20% off
I taught my daughter what the word bargain meant...
She said, “Thanks dad, that means a great deal.”
Have you heard about the new discount airline, Scavenger Air?
They only allow carrion bags.
My cheap noble challenged the election results.
It was a discount viscount recount.
Did you hear that the discount hitman, Arthur, struck again at Safeway?
Yep. The headline read “Arty chokes two for a dollar at local supermarket!”
The boat shop was having a huge discount on all their Galleons and Brigantines for Black Friday this year.
It was the biggest sail event they’ve ever had.
If you had to pay for reddit and were offered a discount on a subscription bundle to r/funny, r/comedycemetry and r/jokes
Would that be a cents off humour failure?
I Wanna Open a Discount Grocery Store Where Everything Expires In a Week...
...gonna call it Best By.
I got the tickets to a talk show, organised by a group of robbers, at a heavy discount
I asked the manager for a family discount and he said "Sir, I don't even know you."
I said "I know that, but I have a family."
Too late I realized the new jar of discount mayonnaise felt light. When I opened it up the pristine surface collapsed into a large air pocket.
Yes it was a sinkhole de mayo.
Frodo always gets the best discounts at JCPenney
Probably because he has the one ring to rule the mall.
They are having a fruitful conversation.
I got an arm transplant at a great price yesterday.
It was discounted at the second hand store.
At the coffee shop they sell day old pastries at a discount
My dad asked if he could get an additional discount since they are now year old pastries.
What did the wizard get at the shop?
Can anyone reccomend me a good way of cleaning windshield from ice?
I used my discount card but I only got 20% off!
I couldn’t find my car scraper this morning so I had to use a store discount card to scrape the ice
It didn’t really work though, only got 20% off
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