Especially since his name is Steve.
Sometimes it gets hard for no reason.
Fucks Funny
After a moment or two, the vet shook his head and sadly said, "I'm sorry, your duck, Cuddles, has passed away."
The distressed woman wailed, "Are you sure?" "Yes, I am sure. Your duck is dead," replied the vet..
"How can you be so sure?" she protested. "I mean you haven't done any testing on him or anything. He might just be in a coma or something."
The vet rolled his eyes, turned around and left the room. He returned a few minutes later with a black Labrador Retriever. As the duck's owner looked on in amazement, the dog stood on his hind legs, put his front paws on the examination table and sniffed the duck from top to bottom. He then looked up at the vet with sad eyes and shook his head.
The vet patted the dog on the head and took it out of the room. A few minutes later he returned with a cat. The cat jumped on the table and also delicately sniffed the bird from head to foot. The cat sat back on its haunches, shook its head, meowed softly and strolled out of the room.
The vet looked at the woman and said, "I'm sorry, but as I said, this is most definitely, 100% certifiably, a dead duck."
The vet turned to his computer terminal, hit a few keys and produced a bill, which he handed to the woman..
The duck's owner, still in shock, took the bill. "$1500!" she cried, "$1500 just to tell me my duck is dead!"
The vet shrugged, "I'm sorry. If you had just taken my word for it, the bill would have been $50, but with the Lab Report and the Cat Scan, it's now $1500."
Mega-sore-ass
(a chuckler from my childhood, not sure if it's appropriate anymore!)
It's me. I'm Richard.
(Fe)male
Edit: I thought of another owith the same answer,
What is a Females favourite superhero? Iron Man! (Damn this one felt much better...)
I have no eye deer!
Bottomless
Algebros. Via my 10 yo daughter
Because it wanted to show the other chickens that it had guts. (Courtesy of my daughter)
Or Josh with them. But try not to Rob or Sue them.
Ask someone with Parkinsonβs to turn off the lights.
At the urinals* βIs this where all the dicks hang out?β
A dick-tater
Cause they would look like dicks.
Thatβs kinda funny since my name isnβt Ted, and Iβm not a dick either.
No pun in ten did.
We have a foot fetish. Grow up
A sugar?
π
My dad is a circus performer. Heβs been doing the same act for years and years, and it was at a performance of his that he met my mom. They both tell one story about his circus career. My fatherβs circus act is unique and nigh unbelievable. What he would do is place a walnut on a table just below his knees, whip out his dick, swing it around and use it to crack the walnut. One audience member who saw this when my dad just started out as a young man could not believe it, and left stupefied. Decades later, with my dad in his late 50βs and still doing the act, that same man came to see the performance. That time, my dad placed a coconut on the table, whipped out his dick, and split the coconut right in half. After the show, the man, insistent on talking to my dad, found him backstage, shook his hand, and asked: βAfter all these years, your performance still blows me away. But why have you changed to a coconut instead of a walnut?β My dad just looked at him and said: βWell, my eyesight isnβt what it used to be.β
Because the radiation altered his jeans.
But then the librarian asked me to take it out.
(Not OC but I thought it was too good of a joke not to share in case you havenβt heard it yet)
His underpants fit him like a glove
I hope he gets whale soon.
I hope youβre happy now.
"One is a whiny toddler and the other is a tiny waddler!
Because his dog was a dick
(Tried a different punch line, thoughts?)
i guess you could say he was a real dick.
You can't beat it.
He needs to laugh too
I don't deal with high maintenance people
They put me in the ICU.
caffeinated.
