Dickens Puns

Great Expectorations

The best of Thymes, and the worst of Thymes.

I recommend the hot Dicken Cider... It's delicious.

Schrodinger: This is already my favorite book of all time!

The bartender asks, "Olive or twist?"

Novel-ty

It hurts like the Dickens >_<

I got them all the other Dickens’ books though.

I'm away at university and my dad calls me up while I'm doing last minute homework:

Dad: What are you up to?

Me: Just finishing an essay about Dickens' Hard Times for class. I'm really busy, can I call you back in a couple hours?

Dad: Oh, that sounds like a hard time!

Me: (Sarcastically) Well it's not the MOST fun I've ever had.

Dad: (long pause followed by a sigh) Are you having a hard time with the joke?

Me: No, (chuckles) I get it dad... but I've got to go!

Dad: You sound like you're having a hard time.

Me: Dad, I got it.

Dad: (scoff) Ahhh, I'm just giving you a hard time!

Me: Dad.... I've got so much work to do.

Dad: I'll let you go then; glad to be of help during this hard time. Good luck on your essay! (hangs up)

My dad and I were at the checkout counter:

Dad: "I love cider."

Me : " the only cider I like is 'Hot Dicken's'"

Dad: "Hot dicken's cider, never heard of it."

Cashier : groan

Dad: groan

Today my girlfriend asked if I wanted anything to drink with dinner. She texted me asking if I wanted beer or cider or wine. I replied "cider would be nice. See if they have Dicken's Cider. I've heard it's good." She couldn't find it and, I shit you not, she asked a sales person if she could get Dicken's Cider. I'm still laughing.

Mother in law had a copy of Charles Dickens great expectations on the coffee table and i saw an opportunity i couldn't pass up.

I got my wife's attention and heaved a sigh.

Wife: "what's wrong? "

Me: pointing to the book "it was such a letdown"

Wife: "how so? "

Me: "well, when i first picked it up i had great expectations..."

Wife : groan/laugh "i should have seen that coming"

This wasn't the first dad joke I'd made today but one in a long line of them. i had also said this a few minutes previous to her best friend who caught the joke before i finished and did nothing but loudly sigh and groan. This is what first caught my wife's attention.

The best of thymes, the worst of thymes

And asks for a martini

.

.

.

The barman says "Olive or Twist ?"

Same as any martini but with no Olive or Twist.

It hurts like the Dickens.

It hurt like the Dickens.