A couple puns.
A skeptical anthropologist was cataloging South American folk remedies with the assistance of a tribal elder who indicated that the leaves of a particular fern were a sure cure for any case of constipation. When the anthropologist expressed his doubts, the elder looked him in the eye and said, "Let me tell you, with fronds like these, you don't need enemas."
There were three Indian squaws. One slept on a deer skin, one slept on an elk skin, and the third slept on a hippopotamus skin. All three became pregnant. The first two each had a baby boy. The one who slept on the hippopotamus skin had twin boys. This just goes to prove that the squaw of the hippopotamus is equal to the sons of the squaws of the other two hides. (Some of you may need help with this one).
edit: just a bit of formatting showing difference from one pun the other
Looks like it was a Christler
Because 2022 is 2020 too.
Super Smash Bros.
Our therapist said I need to valley date you.
He was charged with shoplifting on two counts
I glanced over and noticed that they were quite attractive. A little on the larger side, but that never stopped me before. So, yogurt cup in hand, I boldly approached their table.
“Excuse me,” I said, “I couldn’t help but overhear your conversation, and I noticed your lovely accents. Are you two ladies from Scotland by any chance?”
They immediately bristled at my question, obviously offended, and one of them snapped at me, “It’s Wales!”
“No offense intended,” I replied. “Please allow me to try again...are you two whales from Scotland?”
“Like £10 notes” I told him
“Trump’s Not Down For the Count”
They're better known as the early adopters.
Me: Do you have Mac Rib in that special box.
Order Girl: Yes, yes we do.
Me: You should let him out. And I'll take three of them and a large fry.
(I was the only one that laughed, she just read back my total)
I said, “No, only for the next couple of hours.”
They agreed it was a naan-starter
A man-date mandate
Out of the blue the husband says, “ I love you”
“ Is that you or the beer talking” asks the wife
“It’s me” says the husband “talking to the Beer”
It's just two fowl to discuss
Suspicious mimes.
Now it’s a Ford Siesta
Because some relationships don't work out.
Sadly i never got to see the end of it
But none of them landed well
I said, “I’m taking Advil before Aleeve”
They were dunesday preppers.
It was a Nguyen-Nguyen scenario
It could chilly today, but then hot tamale.
I responded that nudists are defined by their lack of jeans
Edit: there->their
Edit 2: Awards? Wow! I'd like to thank the Academy, the community, my wife, and the man who made this post possible, my father in law!
They really halve their shit together
Second dog leaps up and goes berserk...
Patrick Fitzgerald and Gerald Fitzpatrick
Why do Swedish warships have barcodes one them? So that when they dock, they can Scandinavian.
And then these work as a one-two punch:
I started a business building yachts from home...sails have been going through the roof.
And before that I had a business clearing the fallen leaves from people's backyards. I was raking it in.
Needless to say I was starving, as fate would have it a ripe piece fell down right at my feet. Startled I called out “well I guess it’s on the house!” To my amazement the stalk came to life and said “Nonsense! It’s on the cob!”
So it can lift me up and make my day better.
I tried to OC.
We stayed at the Paris Hilton
I personally am on the fence
But they all suck.
But they fired me for taking a couple of days off
She has the worst stutter ever.
But I can't tell it as its two intense (in tents)....
I killed two birds with one scone.
Speak now or forever hold your pee
But no one seems to get them.
..now that's a Rock bought 'em price.
He was charged with shoplifting on two counts.
