Do you know how coal turns into diamonds?
It coalapses underpressure!
They tried to make a diamond shaped like a duck
But it quacked under pressure
Diamonds In The Woof! Rough
My grandfather’s last wish was that we convert his ashes into a diamond.
That’s a lot of pressure.
As we were driving down the road, "Sweet Caroline" came on the radio. I said to my son, "Little known fact, Neil Diamond used to be called Neil Coal."
"Until the pressure got to him."
Just bought a diamond ring for the Wife from a green Leprechaun. I dunno...
...Think I was sold a sham rock.
My grandfather keeps telling us that when he dies, we should try to convert his ashes into a diamond.
That’s a lot of pressure.
What do you get from putting a diamond in a printer?
What do you get when you mix COVID-19 and Neil Diamond?
Sweeeet quarantiiiiine...
What’s more expensive, a ladder or a diamond?
What do you call someone who commits a murder with a deck of cards that only has clubs, spades, and diamonds?
My dogs started playing “Lucy in the Sky with Diamonds”
Should’ve known since they are the Beagles..
Husband told me he'd gotten me a 14-carat diamond. Sigh.
I bought a guitar made out of diamond.
Now I can play some hard rock.
This guy comes up to me at the karaoke bar and asks, "Are you the guy who spends all night singing Neil Diamond songs?"
I asked my wife if she'd like a new Diamond Ring to celebrate our Anniversary
"Nothing would make me happier!" She replied
- So I got her nothing
My friend got her leg pierced with a lot of diamond studs...
She might have a gam-bling addiction.
The most expensive diamond in 2017 sold for $71.2 million USD
to Hong Kong-based jewelry retailer Chu Tai Fook. Over the last few months as the protests in Hong Kong have become heated Mr. Chu has been on the side of the government which has caught the eye of the international gem dealers, causing him to become a bit of a pariah.
The diamond went up for sale his and the Chinese government wanted to ensure that world's most expensive gem got a fair price. Mr. Chu approached Southerby's who was hesitant to get involved in what could be deemed a political gem sale. Despite his protests none of the world's leading auction houses the answer was always the same, they would not do the auction. This is when president Xi Jiping got involved to ensure that some good news could come out of China.
Last week it was reported that Rick Harrison, from Pawn Stars, had approached Xi Jinping saying that he would hold the diamond but couldn't promise more than $500 USD from the sale of the pendant. This infuriated the Chinese president threatened to take down the reality TV star, but Harrison was adamant telling Mr. Pooh, "If Chu wished to pawn the star, makes no difference who you are"
My favorite mineral would have to be the diamond. They rock.
Cos minerals are like...y'know...rocks. minerals. punny stuff
What do you call an easily breakable diamond?
Did you hear about the diamond, super short sword that Annie the Orphan found?
I just found out that my son got a tattoo of spades, diamonds, hearts, and clubs on his arm.
I might have to deal with him later.
Diamonds
Diamonds, pretty coal, eh??
My kid got tattoos of a heart, club, diamond and spade—all without my permission.
I might have to deal with him later.
Puns about diamonds are hard.
Dustin Diamond, aka Screech, was arrested yesterday, but thankfully didn’t spend the night in jail.
He was Saved by the Bail.
Neil Diamond has just bought his new car, a Saab, on eBay. I guess you could say he got a Swede car online
What's cheaper, a plastic mould or a diamond?
A diamond extractor walks into a bar and orders a drink
The bartender says "I'm sorry, we don't serve miners here."
I have a pair of non-prescription glasses made of diamond; and I know what you're thinking
Why don't we know the weight of the rarest diamond in the world?
I went to get a diamond ring for my fiancee,
But I got thirsty and instead I got de Beers.
So I went to the Chinese restaurant and this duck came up to me with a red rose and says "Your eyes sparkle like diamonds"
I said, "Waiter, I asked for a-ROMATIC duck".
The people that invented laser diamond cutting are addicted to crystal math
Before he died, my grandfather’s last wish was that we convert his ashes into a diamond.
That’s a lot of pressure.
My grandfathers last wish was that we convert his ashes into a diamond.
That’s a lot of pressure.
As we were driving down the road, "Sweet Caroline" came on the radio. I said to my son, "Little known fact, Neil Diamond used to be called Neil Coal."
"Until the pressure got to him."
As we were driving down the road, "Sweet Caroline" came on the radio. I said to my son, "Little known fact, Neil Diamond used to be called Neil Coal."
"Until the pressure got to him."
My friend likes to get her leg pierced with diamond studs...
I think she might have a gam-bling addiction.
My grandfather’s last wish was that we should convert his ashes into a diamond.
That’s a lot of pressure.
When I went to Karaoke Night, I was asked, "You the guy who only sings Neil Diamond songs?"
Neil Diamond used to be called Neil Coal...
...until the pressure got to him...
Neil Diamond has just bought his new car, a Saab, on eBay. I guess you could say he got a Swede car online
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