I'm developing a new fragrance for introverts

I'm going to call it leave me the fuh cologne

πŸ‘︎ 26
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πŸ‘€︎ u/noodlesvonsoup
πŸ“…︎ Apr 11 2021
🚨︎ report
I tried googling tips to stop procrastinating but I ended up reading about photography

Turns out I can’t focus!

πŸ‘︎ 4k
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πŸ“…︎ Apr 18 2021
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Was watching Arrested Development the other day and my girlfriend made a groaner of a dad joke.

Lucille: β€œI have to get Dusty ice cream.” GF: β€œDusty ice cream doesn’t sound very good”

πŸ‘︎ 22
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πŸ‘€︎ u/hoff323
πŸ“…︎ Feb 25 2021
🚨︎ report
Why did Einstein develop a theory about space?

It was about time.

πŸ‘︎ 6
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πŸ‘€︎ u/kdlaz
πŸ“…︎ Feb 19 2021
🚨︎ report
Scientists have developed a microscopic needle that is too small to be seen by the naked eye...

I just don't see the point.

πŸ‘︎ 13
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πŸ‘€︎ u/GrannyLow
πŸ“…︎ Jan 12 2021
🚨︎ report
It has been scientifically proven that girls reach the age of puberty earlier than boys. Girls develop boobies around the age of thirteen...

...and boys develop them around the age of forty…

πŸ‘︎ 17
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πŸ‘€︎ u/honolulu_oahu_mod
πŸ“…︎ Dec 26 2020
🚨︎ report
Why do developers never put horse-drawn carriages in their games?

They can be buggy

πŸ‘︎ 17
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πŸ‘€︎ u/109488
πŸ“…︎ Dec 22 2020
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I think my wife is developing Alzheimer's.

She said, she can't remember what she saw in me.

πŸ‘︎ 20
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πŸ‘€︎ u/VERBERD
πŸ“…︎ Dec 08 2020
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I developed my own fragrance today,

Nobody in the car liked it.

πŸ‘︎ 22
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πŸ‘€︎ u/mporlick
πŸ“…︎ Nov 13 2020
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Why do some developers need glasses?

Because they cant C#.

πŸ‘︎ 11
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πŸ‘€︎ u/maplesyruptrees
πŸ“…︎ Nov 14 2020
🚨︎ report
If Al Gore really invented the internet, did he develop his own Al-Gore-rithms? :')
πŸ‘︎ 11
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πŸ‘€︎ u/terrarion
πŸ“…︎ Nov 02 2020
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Scientists developed a male birth control gel but it only targets the X/Y chromosome

Theyre calling it "Son-Block"

πŸ‘︎ 15
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πŸ‘€︎ u/kriskidd21
πŸ“…︎ Dec 06 2020
🚨︎ report
How many developers does it take to change a lightbulb?

None - that's a hardware problem.

πŸ‘︎ 26
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πŸ‘€︎ u/EnigmaticLemons
πŸ“…︎ Aug 26 2020
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Are people born with photographic memories...

....Or do they take a while to develop ?

πŸ‘︎ 165
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πŸ‘€︎ u/VERBERD
πŸ“…︎ Apr 05 2021
🚨︎ report
Last night I stepped on a corn flake..

My dad keeps calling me a cereal killer πŸ™„

πŸ‘︎ 3
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πŸ‘€︎ u/chaosandcolors
πŸ“…︎ Mar 13 2021
🚨︎ report
You know what it's called when you hurry to develop a vaccine?

... Russian.

πŸ‘︎ 36
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πŸ‘€︎ u/aarondamaster
πŸ“…︎ Sep 25 2020
🚨︎ report
What do Vampire Software Developers Abhor?

Stakeholders.

πŸ‘︎ 8
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πŸ‘€︎ u/evilteach
πŸ“…︎ Oct 15 2020
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TIL: Humans are born with four kidneys

When they grow up, two of them becomes adult knees

πŸ‘︎ 17k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Not_obnoxious
πŸ“…︎ Sep 24 2020
🚨︎ report
When the first company develops the Coronavirus vaccine we should all proclaim: "Covidatulations"
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πŸ‘€︎ u/BigBossSnake
πŸ“…︎ Oct 10 2020
🚨︎ report
What’s the hard stuff that develops on cows’ teeth?

Steak tartar.

πŸ‘︎ 6
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πŸ‘€︎ u/PercivalFailed
πŸ“…︎ Oct 09 2020
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Not the best name for a developer
πŸ‘︎ 25
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πŸ‘€︎ u/TennisStarNo1
πŸ“…︎ Aug 22 2020
🚨︎ report
What type of person speeds up vaccine development?

A Russia

πŸ‘︎ 6
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πŸ‘€︎ u/acschwar
πŸ“…︎ Aug 12 2020
🚨︎ report
I developed a successful chicken social network app to earn some money on the side.

I did it to make hens meet.

πŸ‘︎ 8
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πŸ‘€︎ u/yoav-bam
πŸ“…︎ Oct 07 2020
🚨︎ report
I'm developing a fear of German sausages

I fear the wurst.

πŸ‘︎ 36
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πŸ‘€︎ u/massattcker
πŸ“…︎ Jul 15 2020
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Why does a space rock taste nicer than an earth rock?

It’s a little meteor.

(Not a dad. But I told this to my dad and he approved)

πŸ‘︎ 105
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πŸ‘€︎ u/ValkyrieAssassin1
πŸ“…︎ Jan 06 2021
🚨︎ report
This week I volunteered for the Russian developed Covid-19 vaccine...

I received my first shot yesterday at 4:00 pm, and I wanted to let you all know that it’s completely safe, with ΠΈo side effects whatsoeveя, and that I feelshΞΊΞΉ Ο‡oρoshό я Ρ‡ΡƒΠ²ΡΡ‚Π²ΡƒΡŽ сСбя Π½Π΅ΠΌΠ½ΠΎΠ³ΠΎ странно ΠΈ я Π΄ΡƒΠΌΠ°ΡŽ, Ρ‡Ρ‚ΠΎ Π²Ρ‹Ρ‚Π°Ρ‰ΠΈΠ» ослиныС ΡƒΡˆΠΈ.

πŸ‘︎ 2
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πŸ‘€︎ u/andersonfmly
πŸ“…︎ Sep 23 2020
🚨︎ report
They developed a cure for my vampirism AND my blindness!

Never thought I'd see the day.

πŸ‘︎ 10
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Safecyn
πŸ“…︎ Sep 16 2020
🚨︎ report
I have a friend who loves computer programming but his parent wanted him to be a doctor. So he became a plastic surgeon.

Now he's a full rack developer.

πŸ‘︎ 7
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Nech1492
πŸ“…︎ Apr 10 2021
🚨︎ report
Why don't developers carry guns?

They have troubleshooting.

Edit: Wow! This really took off! I'm happy to have inspired so many grins, cringes, and chuckles!

πŸ‘︎ 6k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/PickleFart69
πŸ“…︎ Sep 04 2019
🚨︎ report
When did the dentist develop tooth pain?

Tooth-hurty! (2:30)

πŸ‘︎ 2
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πŸ‘€︎ u/wongonsomanylvls
πŸ“…︎ Oct 03 2020
🚨︎ report
How did they develop the covid vaccine so quickly?

They were russian

πŸ‘︎ 7
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πŸ‘€︎ u/_lmaoxd_
πŸ“…︎ Aug 14 2020
🚨︎ report
What kind of web developers DO like bugs?

Spiders!

πŸ‘︎ 10
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πŸ‘€︎ u/notsafeforh0me
πŸ“…︎ Jul 25 2020
🚨︎ report
Happy Ending

A guy walks into a bar on Ash Wednesday and orders a beer. "I'm really having a hard time trying to decide what to give up for Lent," he tells the bartender. "Well let me tell you a little cautionary tale about giving things up for Lent," the bartender says. "A particular family in LA has been abstaining from using one letter of the alphabet for Lent each year, since 2001. It started as a joke, giving up "A" in 2001 and "B" in 2002, but developed into a strong family tradition. This year, one of the members has a tough choice to make. Unlike the rest of the Astleys, Rick made a solemn vow... "

πŸ‘︎ 22
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πŸ‘€︎ u/frudedude
πŸ“…︎ Feb 18 2021
🚨︎ report
I’m developing a comic series, and I need a short pun as the title.

This is about a school janitor who murders children at the school he works at, and I’m looking for either a pun about cleaning or a pun that can somehow tie in murder/violence with cleaning in some way. Strange request, I know.

πŸ‘︎ 3
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πŸ“…︎ Feb 22 2020
🚨︎ report
See what develops
πŸ‘︎ 56
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πŸ‘€︎ u/CocozuBR
πŸ“…︎ Oct 26 2019
🚨︎ report
What do you call a cologne developed by Tesla?

Elon Musk

πŸ‘︎ 10
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πŸ‘€︎ u/ExEvo11
πŸ“…︎ Jun 05 2020
🚨︎ report
Karen did that actually happen
πŸ‘︎ 5k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/prabeshdai13
πŸ“…︎ May 02 2020
🚨︎ report
I heard Apple is developing a new car

But they were having trouble installing windows.

πŸ‘︎ 34
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πŸ‘€︎ u/lajarus
πŸ“…︎ Feb 09 2020
🚨︎ report
I'm developing a game which simulates your parents using the internet.

It's called the Elder Scrolls Online.

πŸ‘︎ 123
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πŸ‘€︎ u/etaksjacks
πŸ“…︎ Mar 14 2020
🚨︎ report
I’ve recently developed a severe phobia of elevators.

I’m taking steps to avoid them.

πŸ‘︎ 138
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πŸ‘€︎ u/ENJOYblet
πŸ“…︎ Jul 20 2019
🚨︎ report
I've often wondered, are people with photographic memories born with that ability..

..or does it just take time to develop ?

πŸ‘︎ 17
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πŸ‘€︎ u/HugoZHackenbush2
πŸ“…︎ Jan 21 2021
🚨︎ report
I'm developing a new fragrance for introverts

It's called "Leave me the fuh cologne"

πŸ‘︎ 9k
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/HellsJuggernaut
πŸ“…︎ Feb 28 2020
🚨︎ report
I'm developing a new cologne for introverts

Leave me the Fuh Cologne

πŸ‘︎ 82
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πŸ‘€︎ u/BloodDReaper
πŸ“…︎ Aug 18 2020
🚨︎ report
Einstein developed a theory about space, and it was about time too.
πŸ‘︎ 207
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πŸ‘€︎ u/kickypie
πŸ“…︎ May 02 2020
🚨︎ report
Why do python developers wear glasses?

Because they cant C

πŸ‘︎ 18
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πŸ‘€︎ u/saber_boi
πŸ“…︎ Sep 11 2020
🚨︎ report
Why do most web developers wear glasses?

Because they can't C:

πŸ‘︎ 5
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πŸ‘€︎ u/notsafeforh0me
πŸ“…︎ Jul 25 2020
🚨︎ report
Human interest for 2021 Lent

A particular family in LA has been abstaining from using one letter of the alphabet for Lent each year, since 2001. It started as a joke, giving up "A" in 2001 and "B" in 2002, but developed into a strong family tradition.

This year, one of the members has a tough choice to make. Unlike the rest of the Astleys, Rick made a solemn vow...

πŸ‘︎ 10
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/drzowie
πŸ“…︎ Feb 17 2021
🚨︎ report

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