A list of puns related to "Detectors"
βcause thatβs how I know supper is almost ready.
Can't say I remember why though.
Itβs not much, but itβs an honest living.
Dad: son if you lie the robot slaps you.
Son: ok
Dad: did you drink at the party?
Son : no dad i...
Robot slaps son on the face
Dad: did you do drugs?
Son: no i swear..
Robot slaps son on the face
Dad: sigh , why did you turn out like this? Back in the days all i did was studying and...
Robot slaps dad on the face
Mom: haha like father like son
Robot slaps mom on the face
Edit: sorry this is daddies i can go
That slaps people who lie, and be decides to try it out on his son during dinner.
βWhere were you during school hours?β He asks.
βAt school!β His son replies.
The robot slaps the boy.
βOk I was at my friends house....β His son says.
βWhat were you doing there?
βReading comics!β
The robot slaps the son again.
βOk ok!! We were watching an erotic movie...β
βWhat?? I didnβt even know erotic movies existed when I was your age!β The dad exclaims.
The robot quickly slaps him.
His wife laughs and says, βWow, he really IS your son-β
The robot slaps the wife.
No...it just beeped because my Shirt is Ironed.
I found plenty of spoons and knives but I didn't stop, until I hit a fork in the road
It beeped.
A lie-sense.
I'm still fuming!
A Giger counter.
So I took the battery out of the smoke detector.
A meddle-detector
A metal detector!
^Sorry ^if ^someone's ^made ^this ^before, ^I ^haven't ^seen ^it
Me: "Uh, no..."
Dad: "It went viral."
Me: ΰ² _ΰ²
...so I took the batteries out of the smoke detector.
because I failed to change the 9 volt battery in the smoke detector in her office. She came in afew minutes later looking for sympathy when the battery hit her square in the forehead when attempting to change it herself. Instead of offering sympathy, though, I said, "Well, there's a reason it's called a battery." And now I'll be sleeping in the guestroom.
Father buys a lie detector that makes a loud beep whenever somebody lies around it. The son comes home in the afternoon. Father asks him, βSo, you were at school today, right?β
Son: βYeah.β
Detector: βBeep.β
Son: βOK, OK, I was in a cinema.β
Detector: βBeep.β
Son: βAlright, I went for a beer with my friends.β
Father: βWhat?! At your age, I wouldnβt touch alcohol!β
Detector: βBeep.β
Mother laughs: βHa ha ha, well, he really is your son!β
Detector: βBeep.β
Talking about particle detectors he asked the audience what gases were used in them. No-one has a clue.
"So... I guess that's hard to gas"
I was the only one laughing.
For a little background my dad enjoys the more vulgar jokes. Anyway, he often jokes about his "company." In fact every time he answers the phone he answers as if it's a call towards his company.
(He answers the phone) "Hello this is the Viiiiibrator Repair Service." Caller - "the what?" Dad - "This is Dick Phitzwell's Vibrator Repair Service, as of right now only the installation department is available."
It's not a joke really cause there's no funny punchline. The caller normally laughs and then carries on with the call.
Another one he likes, "What does an 80 year old woman taste like?
Depends.."
The other day we are at the beach. We're walking back to our vehicle and he's carrying his metal detector in his hands. Random beachgoer - "Did you find anything?" Dad - "No, unfortunately my battery went dead... just like my ex-wife's 'curling iron' under her pillow."
There's many many more. I'll have to catalog them in some form. Let me know if you'd like to hear the life and times of Dick Phitzwell.
So I was at the 9/11 Memorial in NYC with my dad visiting for the first time. We were waiting in line to walk through the metal detectors, start to take the metal out of our pockets etc etc, and all of a sudden we hear the lady letting people through say to some guy already going through a detector with his jacket on (which wasn't supposed to be on) yell quite prodominately "Sir, jacket off!"
Dad promptly teared up and died of laughter.
The father asks his son what he did that afternoon. The son replies βI just did some homework.β The robot slaps the son. The son then says βOkay, okay. I was at my friends house watching a movie.β
Dad asks βWhat movie were you watching?β The son replies βFinding Nemoβ. The robot slaps the son. He then sais βOkay, okay. We were watching pornβ
Dad said βWhat?! At your age I didnβt know what porn was.β The robot slaps the father. Mom laughs and says βWow. He certainly is your son.β
The robot slaps the mother.
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