Depends Puns

They're shellfish.

Hawai'i - because it's not incontinent /original?

Just started playing Zelda:Skyward Sword and named my character Colby after my dog. My wife asks me if I'll name Link that every time, or change it when we have kids. I answer, depends.

Depends? You'll name him Depends? I didn't think you were old enough for those.

So. Proud.

She got up, unplugged my laptop and threw out my beer….

EDIT: Thanks for the kind awards... My first ever! ❤️

I’m hoping to get a stimulus Czech.

It depends on what you want it to change into.

So I said "it depends on which pier you mean. Can you use it in a sentence?"

His reply: "Yes. How do you spell pier?"

That will give you a reason to get out of bed in the morning.

Cannelloni

He nuts and bolts.

I go Tuesdays and my wife takes Thursdays

Which to be honest I think is a pretty mean way to refer to our city council, however dull they may be.

It’s really hard to differentiate between them.

....Or do they take a while to develop ?

Or is that not PC?

A little bit of Background information:  When I was a young lad, my father was a professional glass cleaner.   Not just for a job, cleaning Glass was this man's passion!  He always wanted me to take over for him when I grew up, but I always thought it would be a pain, it was a silly job, really.   However, I knew that my father would be shattered if I didn't put an honest effort into the cleaning business.    The first time I perfectly cleaned a mirror, I realized I could really see myself doing this!   My father was wiping away tears of pride when I began to become as passionate as he was.

Anyways, fast forward to a couple months ago.   I have taken over my father's cleaning company, and was working a job at a publishing agency.  Now, due to the pandemic, this building had set up different entry points depending on the purpose of your visit, and each one was gated and stationed by an employee so you could have your temperature taken and go through a checklist to ensure you don't have any symptoms, etc.

After finishing the contract at this building, the owner was so impressed with my work that he said he would like to recommend me for a permanent job with a friend of his.   At first, I was skeptical (I had taken over the family business, after all), but it was becoming difficult to find regular clients anymore, so I agreed.    He gave me a single sheet from a notepad, and told me to write down something about myself that sets me apart from others in my line of work, and I should make it a very impactful statement,  his friend was a very busy man and wouldn't look at more than notes like these.    I wasn't sure what to write on the spot, so he told me to think about it, and return the note when I come back to leave the bill for my work.

So I came back a few days later, went through the gate to drop off my bill and my note about how I am much better than any other glass cleaner out there.    Well, it turns out the friend of the publishing agency's owner was a hiring manager for a well-known computer company, and my note really caught his eye, and I was offered the job!   Now I make more money every two weeks than I had with a month!   At first, I though my father would be upset by me leaving the family business behind, but he told me "As long as you are happy where you are, with what you are doing, then you are succeeding in life.  You are no longer a student of glass cleaning, you are my equal, and I am proud of you"  I never realized how freeing it

I've actually become quite inn-dependent.

Move it too far forward and it becomes a birdie tee.

Too far back and it becomes a bogey tee

Get it just right?

Now that's a party.

Because you can always count on them

Caveman 2: "That depends on how fast you carry the club."

(Yes, I'm aware of the anachronisms.)

What country you end up in depends on the Angola approach

In a dad-a--base

Sioux later

He died in the war, holding a hand grenade.

I replied, "Depends."

Not having much knowledge of the animals, he asks the owner to show him around and tell him about different breeds. "Sure, let's go," says the owner, and brings him over to the paddocks.

"So a lot depends on what you want the animal for," he says, and gestures to a powerful stallion running laps. "Over there, you've got your Type A horse: strong, fast, and a little unpredictable, but great if you want to get somewhere in a hurry."

"I think that'd be a little much for me," the man says, and the owner nods, then brings him over to see a mare quietly chomping at some hay in the shade. "This is a Type B horse - tends to be quiet and they're good companions, but not much for doing work."

The man pauses to think about what he wants the animal for, then looks over at a nearby pond and sees a horse swimming and diving over and over again. "What the heck is that one doing?" he asks the owner. "Oh, him? That's a C horse."

They always vote "Neigh".

It depends upon the liver.

The need-le.

It depends on which direction the wind is blowing.

I say, Damn! Do they make a pad for that? Without a pause, she says: Depends

My mam saw a channel on the telly called the Deja Vu channel so she asked my dad what it was.

He replied with ‘I’m not sure but I swear I’ve seen it before’

He’s now pissing himself laughing and mam doesn’t get it

It's all well now.

That's a long time considering they're working around the clock.

You boil the hell out of it.

Depends

I thought that was the whole point of them.