Custard Puns

Onlyflans

It was time for flan B.

He said we'll split them evenly so we both get an equal amount....so I said...

"Well I guess we have joint custardy then"

I'm very proud

A dad was with a big group of kids and a statue at this ice cream/custard/mini golf place was holding an Unidentified object and on of the kids said it looked like poop and the dad said "well it is a cusTURD place"

Last I heard, they now have split custard-y.

Making them the only animals on the planet capable of whipping their own custard

A shark in a bowl of custard.

They get taken into custard-y.

Me: so what's your favourite food? Carrots? Chocolate? Custard?

2 year old: nose

Me: out of all the food you'd pick your nose?

Toddler: grins

Me: groans

It was so bad I knew I had to post it here.

It was a custardy battle.

They offered me a disclaimer. "The custard tastes good, but the consistency isn't normal"

I responded "Oh, so it's off-pudding?"

Only her father laughed with me

I saw a white, fluffy thing swinging through my local cake shop. Suspect it was a meringue-utang.

I was out driving the other day and I spotted two packets of cheese & onion crisps walking down the road. I said, “Do you want a lift”. “No thanks”, they replied, “We’re Walkers”.

I was in a cake shop the other day, they were all £5 apart from one that was £10. I asked why it was so expensive, the shop owner said “that’s maderia cake”.

Bought some cream, it said “store in a cool place”. So I left it in the Doctor Who studios.

Local ice cream man was found lying on the floor of his van covered with hundreds and thousands. Police say that he topped himself.

I used to love doughnuts, but I got bored of the whole thing.

A man says “I keep finding custard in one ear, and jelly in the other”. The doctor says “I’m afraid you are a trifle deaf”.

I bought a waffle iron the other day. Get really annoyed with wrinkled wa

There once was a man who had a job driving a passenger train between two large towns. It could be a very dull job to some, but as the old saying goes, one man's trash is another's gold; he wanted to be a railroad man since he was a boy.

He was a wiz behind the controls of the train, and commanded the 15 car vehicle effortlessly as if he had been born to do the job. He prided himself on the fact that he could bend the rules and speed through curves and grades that made other motormen shiver and back off.

One day however, he wasn't so lucky and came round a bend too fast and derailed his train. He backed off the throttle and braked as much as he could, managing to only have one fatality out of 500 passengers on his train.

Months later there was a trial and he was found guilty of manslaughter in the highest degree, a capital offence in that land, and sentenced to die by electric chair. Punishment came swift, unlike most places, and 3 days after sentencing the former railroader was ask

And he wanted to buy a large cup of custard and the cashier said, "sorry sir, we do not have large cups right now." My dad answered with "Why?" And she replied with an explanation of how the manager didn't order any new ones since nobody buys them here. Which prompted my dad to say, "He should be put in police custardy!"

My house mate was carrying a bowl of custard with some brownies in it through the kitchen, I turned to him and said "hmm looks like Brownian motion".

Dad: Sorry, but I can't hear you. Ive got some fruit and cream in this ear and some cake and custard in this one. Confused Child: What?!? Dad: Sorry, I can't hear you, I'm a trifle deaf today.

For dessert we'd made something called a queen of cakes which involves a custard and breadcrumb base and a meringue topping. The custard hadn't set properly and as eating I said, "This hasn't set properly, it's like curdled custard!" seconds later my dad replied with "Was that in the dining room with the candlestick?" I was the only one that got it, I must say I'm impressed, just finished a game of cluedo with the family.