Vin Diesel should commission a heraldic crest under his first name, a pair of snakes intertwined with fangs bared...

Vin's Shield: Vipers

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Ranzear
πŸ“…︎ Oct 12 2020
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Today I was wearing a shirt with the family crest of my favorite painter Frida Kahlo. After a few hours I started to get hungry and ordered takeout. When my delivery person arrived he handed over my food without taking any money for bringing it to me. I asked him β€œHow come there’s no charge?”

He replied: I was going to charge you, but I noticed you had Frida Livery”

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πŸ‘€︎ u/linknt01
πŸ“…︎ Mar 13 2020
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What did the dentist say to the devil?

The power of crest compelles you!

came up with that in seminary class

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πŸ‘€︎ u/parzeen
πŸ“…︎ Jan 14 2021
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I felt so bad when I dropped my toothpaste.

I was Crest-fallen.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/bobskimo
πŸ“…︎ Nov 24 2020
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Don’t scroll without saying shalom
πŸ‘︎ 4k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Axiom_117
πŸ“…︎ Aug 31 2019
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Did you hear about the guy who died from eating toothpaste? Crest in peace
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πŸ‘€︎ u/seymorethrottle
πŸ“…︎ Mar 03 2018
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Molar bear
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Hesso921
πŸ“…︎ Jan 10 2020
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Rocky Mountain Sigh

My wife and I are chatting about where to go on vacation.

Wife: You know, I really would love to see Aspen, Colorado. It looks beautiful. Me: Aspen you shall receive. Wife: ... You're a horrible person.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/spoonhocket
πŸ“…︎ Nov 17 2015
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Toothpaste.

So my dad was going through his normal morning ritual, when he screamed "GODDAMMIT" from the bathroom. He walked out a few minutes later, looking sad.

Me: "What was the yelling about?"

Dad: "I dropped my toothpaste."

Me: "That made you upset?"

Dad: "No, ZTheJerk. Upset doesn't cover it. I'm absolutely crestfallen."

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πŸ‘€︎ u/ZTheJerk
πŸ“…︎ Mar 19 2014
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I dropped my toothpaste..

I was crest fallen

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πŸ‘€︎ u/vocatan
πŸ“…︎ May 27 2019
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Did you hear about the toothpaste scandal?

Apparently some toothpaste companies are on Santa's naughty list. Many are calling it the Coalgate Scandal.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/RawRockKills
πŸ“…︎ Jan 26 2015
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What do you call a religion based around toothpaste?

Crest-ianity.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/bobjuita
πŸ“…︎ Jan 08 2018
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