If you buy a Ford Mustang Mach-E in brown, do they badge in Mach-E-ato?
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📅︎ Nov 24 2019
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I don't trust the press. Sometimes they wear badges that say 'press', but if you press those badges they just fall over all surprised.
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👤︎ u/Deeman_27
📅︎ Jun 18 2017
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Need some digital printing puns for name badge

Anybody got any printing puns, i work in a digital printing store and i need a little slogan for my name badge.

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👤︎ u/tnolan1995
📅︎ Sep 05 2017
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I live in an old neighborhood with a 100 year old oak tree. One day every year, all the kids in the neighborhood put all their boy/girl scout badges on the tree. One day, I wonder why the kids do this. So, I called up my dad to ask him, and he said...

"Oh, it's just a badge oak."

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👤︎ u/Kabirmain
📅︎ Oct 21 2017
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If philosophers wore uniforms what would their badges say?

To observe and reflect.

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👤︎ u/Kosmozoan
📅︎ Nov 27 2015
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Dadjokes badge winner! One for the Pi day!

So, we were having dinner and talking about Pi day and I told them "everything relates to the circle of life", my daughter said "Dad you are not funny" and my wife said "you have become like my dad"

I think that was the ultimate badge of a dadjoker, right?

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👤︎ u/un4r
📅︎ Mar 15 2016
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Ok brace yourselves for an absolute travesty of a joke, said during bathtime after water got into my daughter's eyes.

I told my wife:

There's the captain water, and the crewmember water. The captain water says: "All right crewmembers, do you know where you have to go?" The crewmember water replies: "Eye eye, sir!"

This earned me a proper facepalm from my wife which I shall wear proudly as a badge of honor and now share here with you.

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👤︎ u/OiTheRolk
📅︎ Mar 07
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Buzz him in!
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👤︎ u/heusenleo
📅︎ Mar 31 2019
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My wife traumatically ripped the blankets off me last night.

But I will recover.

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👤︎ u/wmyspr
📅︎ Mar 16 2019
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The other day I walked into my son's room and found him with an open first aid kit, preparing to stitch up a cut on his forearm.

I told him to stop and that I would take him to the doctor for a more rofessional job. He told me he wanted to do it as he was working on his first aid merit badge for the boy scouts. So I said, "Suture self."

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👤︎ u/danno49
📅︎ Mar 14
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Oldie BUTT a goodie
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📅︎ Mar 30 2019
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Growing up I went to an all-Muslim school. The teacher asked me to make sure that my classmates weren't sneaking bacon at lunch.

I got a badge and a sash that read, "Halal Monitor"

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👤︎ u/unklethan
📅︎ Feb 24
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A truck carrying toupees crashed on the highway, spilling everything.

Police are combing the area.

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👤︎ u/cdheer
📅︎ May 10 2019
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Why should you never touch an electric fence

Because it hertz.

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👤︎ u/Clbull
📅︎ Mar 10 2019
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Finally Pulled One Off in the Wild

Just happened on my walk break.

I was taking a stroll downtown and walked by the county courthouse building. I noticed there was an employee (had a county badge) standing outside on the sidewalk and holding a wall clock. I knew what I had to do. I walked up and asked, "Do you happen to have the time?"

One of my proudest moments, although I'm a faux-pa myself. He enjoyed it too.

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👤︎ u/darthservo
📅︎ Nov 07 2019
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Reminder: Please don't include the punchline in the topic.

Howdy punsters!

Please remember when posting to /r/puns that the punchline should be in the post itself, not the topic. Puns should be self-explanatory. If you have to explain it, please do so in the comments. We've had a lot of puns lately, especially images, ruined before clicking on them when the whole thing was spoiled in the topic line.

Up to now, we've been assigning "for shame" flair when this happens, but it's become very common lately. As a result, posts with punchlines in the topic will be removed.

Thanks!

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📅︎ Apr 01 2018
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A police officer walks into a tattoo parlor

A police officer walks into a tattoo parlor, hoping to get something cool drawn onto his shoulder. He walks up to the artist and shows him a picture of what he wants. In large text on a ribbon it says, "Protect and Serve." Below it, is a picture of a a badge, a pair of handcuffs, and a pistol. The tattoo artist is very good at his job, and says he can get this done in one session, so the officer sits down and the artist gets started. A few hours later, the artist is just finishing up, inking the last details of his service weapon. Once the last line is inked on the trigger, the cop gets up from his chair and looks in the mirror to see his new tattoo. His face twists into a look of shock and terror, pulls out his gun and opens fire onto the tattoo artist, killing him in the process. He gets on his radio, calling for backup, and took a defensive position until a few more cops and the police chief showed to the parlor minutes later. The chief, while examining the scene asks the officer, "

... keep reading on reddit ➡

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👤︎ u/kickypie
📅︎ Jul 09 2019
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A compass, a cough drop, and a match.

As a Boy Scout, we would camp a lot and go on hikes.

One night, we had to do a night hike, alone, for a merit badge. I had left the campsite about an hour earlier and a terrible storm rolled in. The sky opened up and the ground was quickly saturated. I tried to continue my hike for another few minutes, but it got cold and I was chilled and soaked to the bone, so I decided to try to head back to camp.

Lightning was starting to crackle above me, so I thought I should try to take a shortcut to make my hike back quicker. I pulled out my compass and found my direction, but the rain made it impossible to see more than five feet in front of me.

I was looking down at my compass, not paying any attention to where I was going, and suddenly felt weightless. The feeling didn't last long as I thumped down on slippery earth a second later.

I had fallen onto a ledge on the side of a rather steep cliff, the bottom of which was at least fifty feet down.

I sat there, contemplating on how to ge

... keep reading on reddit ➡

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📅︎ Nov 13 2014
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Things not to say around Dad....

Anyone: "I'm gonna run to the store, do you want anything?" Dad: "Wouldn't it be faster if you took the car?"

Anyone: "...it was sent U.P.S." Dad: "you mean Oops? (ups)"

Anyone: "....would I!?" Dad: "Harelip!"

Anyone: "is it okay if I smoke?" Dad: "why?, are you on fire?"

Anyone: "I think I've got something in my eye" Dad: "It's your finger"

Anyone: "Did you rotate the tires?" Dad: "Nah, they spin when I'm driving"

Anyone: (anything that even nearly rhymes with "badges", ie, "matches") Dad: "Matches? We don need no stinkeen matches!"

Anyone: "Where are you at?" Dad: "I'm right here. Where are you at?"

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👤︎ u/j0hnk50
📅︎ Oct 14 2013
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