Cork Jacket Puns

Hi.

I'm looking for a jacket suitable for a night out for example - dark with an inside zip pocket. Any recommendations?

Thanks.

I don't want to step on anybody's toes here, but the amount of non-dad jokes here in this subreddit really annoys me. First of all, dad jokes CAN be NSFW, it clearly says so in the sub rules. Secondly, it doesn't automatically make it a dad joke if it's from a conversation between you and your child. Most importantly, the jokes that your CHILDREN tell YOU are not dad jokes. The point of a dad joke is that it's so cheesy only a dad who's trying to be funny would make such a joke. That's it. They are stupid plays on words, lame puns and so on. There has to be a clever pun or wordplay for it to be considered a dad joke.

Again, to all the fellow dads, I apologise if I'm sounding too harsh. But I just needed to get it off my chest.

The nurse asked the rabbit, “what is your blood type?”

“I am probably a type O” said the rabbit.

It's always handy to have a list of items that may be found as treasure or in a shop. It's even more useful to have specific descriptions for what these items would look like.

(My party is getting ready to have a shopping episode and I need to be prepared)

Let's build a list of magical or mundane item descriptions:

1. Clothing: A fine red button-up jacket with gold embroidery
2. Clothing: Stylish light blue jacket with the shop's crest on the back
3. Bow: White-wood bow with intricate carvings telling the story of an ancient hero
4. Staff: A light wood staff with red cloth for a handle. An elvish poem wraps around and down the staff describing the beauty of Autumn.
5. Sword: A dark-metal sword with a silver hilt and gold, faintly-glowing script that runs up the blade
6. Spellbook: A deep-blue book with a black leather strap for locking. The spine of the book has a slot for holding writing instruments.
7. Clothing: A simple, brown leather traveler's jacket with the image of a campfire stitched in white on the back.
8. Clothing: A black mage hat with a floppy point and decorative stitching on the brim
9. Clothing: A thick, grey coat, soft with owlbear fur (feathers?)
10. Bow: A magical bow with a dark orb that looks like an eye floating off to the side
11. A leather belt sewn over with bronze discs. Each disc is inscribed with various images of pastoral images. The back of one of them is inscribed with a date and a personal blessing from a parent. (u/Kiyohara)
12. A leather knapsack. Well oiled and in good condition. It has bright brass buckles, padded straps for the shoulders, and is well water proofed. There is a strap and a cover for a bedroll as well as three smaller pockets for trinkets and supplies: one on each side and the last facing away. (u/Kiyohara)
13. A slightly dented tin flask. It is wrapped in a very nice leather, tanned a deep and rich dark brown. The embossing on the leather displays a noble house's crest.(u/Kiyohara)
14. Clothing: Black leather pants, form fitting and quite snug. It has silver studs placed at each of the joints where the seams meet. A fine display of leather fringe runs the outside of the legs. Small silver bells are attached to several of the fringes.(u/Kiyohara)
15. Boots: Knee high cavalier boots, glossed to a shine that would rival a mirror. Built in spurs gleam sliver, with gold accents. The boots lace up the side with silver buttons as catch points. The Silver buttons are each engraved with an equestrian image: a

The doctor says it terminal.

Alot of great jokes get posted here! However just because you have a joke, doesn't mean it's a dad joke.

THIS IS NOT ABOUT NSFW, THIS IS ABOUT LONG JOKES, BLONDE JOKES, SEXUAL JOKES, KNOCK KNOCK JOKES, POLITICAL JOKES, ETC BEING POSTED IN A DAD JOKE SUB

Try telling these sexual jokes that get posted here, to your kid and see how your spouse likes it.. if that goes well, Try telling one of your friends kid about your sex life being like Coca cola, first it was normal, than light and now zero , and see if the parents are OK with you telling their kid the "dad joke"

I'm not even referencing the NSFW, I'm saying Dad jokes are corny, and sometimes painful, not sexual

So check out r/jokes for all types of jokes

r/unclejokes for dirty jokes

r/3amjokes for real weird and alot of OC

r/cleandadjokes If your really sick of seeing not dad jokes in r/dadjokes

Punchline !

Edit: this is not a post about NSFW , This is about jokes, knock knock jokes, blonde jokes, political jokes etc being posted in a dad joke sub

Edit 2: don't touch the thermostat

Do your worst!

How the hell am I suppose to know when it’s raining in Sweden?

Mathematical puns makes me number

We told her she can lean on us for support. Although, we are going to have to change her driver's license, her height is going down by a foot. I don't want to go too far out on a limb here but it better not be a hack job.

Ants don’t even have the concept fathers, let alone a good dad joke. Keep r/ants out of my r/dadjokes.

But no, seriously. I understand rule 7 is great to have intelligent discussion, but sometimes it feels like 1 in 10 posts here is someone getting upset about the jokes on this sub. Let the mods deal with it, they regulate the sub.

They were cooked in Greece.

I'm surprised it hasn't decade.

He lost May

Now that I listen to albums, I hardly ever leave the house.

Two muffins are in an oven, one muffin looks at the other and says "is it just me, or is it hot in here?"

Then the other muffin says "AHH, TALKING MUFFIN!!!"

Don't you know a good pun is its own reword?

For context I'm a Refuse Driver (Garbage man) & today I was on food waste. After I'd tipped I was checking the wagon for any defects when I spotted a lone pea balanced on the lifts.

I said "hey look, an escaPEA"

No one near me but it didn't half make me laugh for a good hour or so!

Edit: I can't believe how much this has blown up. Thank you everyone I've had a blast reading through the replies 😂

It really does, I swear!

Said if she ever hosts a gender reveal party, when it comes time to pop the balloon she'll spray everyone with water.

Gender is fluid.

And now I’m cannelloni

Because she wanted to see the task manager.

But that’s comparing apples to oranges

And boy are my arms legs.

Put it on my bill

Amy

Heard they've been doing some shady business.

but then I remembered it was ground this morning.

Edit: Thank you guys for the awards, they're much nicer than the cardboard sleeve I've been using and reassures me that my jokes aren't stale

Edit 2: I have already been made aware that Men In Black 3 has told a version of this joke before. If the joke is not new to you, please enjoy any of the single origin puns in the comments

in the market, you see a iridescent, slit shaper portal simply there. apon stepping through the portal, they enter a large hall like room. This room is at least 70ft tall, 100ft long and 50ft wide...the carpet is short and red, with the pattern of vines running through the plain red floor. To the side they see a stall, with a sign saying "the merchant's market, filled to the brim.with catalogues and crates of potions and items. In the stall, you see a finely dressed human with gold, long running hair, possessing a handsome visage and fine, tall build. However, his upper face has what seems like a masquerade mask, covering his nose and upper face, with golden scales and a large snout, in the shape of a dragon face. He wears a red velvet overcoat, fancy white bourgeoisie shirt beneath, red velvet trousers and shiny leather boots. He has pale skin and strong high class british accent. He looks at you and asks:

"Ah, welcome to my humble store! Would you like to enchantment your blade blade with godslayer, or for me to make a godslaying weapon for you?"

there also seem to be a new figure around the shop, A normal human who looks to be in their early 20's, with tan skin and black hair. He wears a leather jacket with the TSS insignia of a shield wrapped in thorned vines, plain white shirt, jeans and black sneakers. He seems to be cleaning the area.

#enchantments:

The merchant has learned the art of enhancing items via magic, and is willing to use this art and others items...for a fee, of course.

Weapon enchantments:

godkiller: +2 and deal a extra 3% to damage against angels and other divine beings.

[40k gold.]

flame: +1 to all attacks and deal a extra 3% against ice related enemies (ice mages count).

[50k gold.]

sharpness: deal a extra 4% damage against any enemy.

[80k gold.]

mjiolnir: make a ammunition from a rifle or a thrown item return to the hand of the wielder via Thought commands.

[40k gold.]

wide strike: this weapon is now aoe, and can attack 2 targets at once. The two targets roll against the same offensive roll.

[70k gold.]

Thors wrath: when this weapon hits, the target must roll a constitution check equal to the damage dealt. If the target fails, then are stunned for a turn. Stuns do not stack if weapon strikes more then once a turn.

[80k gold.]

Follow up: if a attack with this weapon hits, instantly make another hit. Can only be done once per action.

[100k gold.]

Armour enchantments:

Hardened: +1 to block rolls.

[40k gold.]

BamBOO!

They’re on standbi

A play on words.