Why couldnβt Mary and Joseph attend the online conference?
There was no zoom at the inn.
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︎ Dec 23 2020
Four Seasons Total Lawn Care created some good ones after the bizarre press conference Saturday such as "Lawn and Order" and "Make America Rake Again" - I don't see them using this one on their promotional materials though:
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︎ Nov 09 2020
At a conference there was the most courageous person who went by the name Sam. Before he got on the stage to deliver his impressive speech, all attendees begged him not to sing.
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︎ Nov 21 2020
I went to a fortune tellers conference. They had free t-shirts.
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︎ Aug 14 2020
An electrician needed to change 8 fluorescent lamps to brighten up a large conference room at our office. I asked him if he needed a hand carrying them.
He said no, this is light.
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︎ Jul 27 2020
What do you call a butchers conference
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︎ Dec 22 2019
My friend didn't want to participate in the pick your new hairstyle conference but I convinced him...
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︎ May 14 2020
Covid-19 breath conference today
Information to be presented by the World Health Organization, followed by the World Health Action Taskforce to talk about global initiatives, then a personal message of health by Dr. Irena Dun-Noh.
So WHOs on first, WHATs on second, I. Dun-Nohs on third
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︎ Apr 15 2020
Did you guys hear about AT&T and Verizon dropping out of an upcoming conference due to corona virus concerns?
Itβs probably a good thing considering theyβre both well-known carriers.
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︎ Feb 24 2020
I promised my wife I would look after her 6 cats while she went to a business conference...
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︎ Mar 05 2020
A parent-teacher conference
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︎ Aug 25 2019
I went to a motivation conference and the speaker asked the audience, "What drives you?"
I put my hand up and answered, "My car."
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︎ Nov 09 2019
We are holding our annual social anxiety conference this weekend.
We hope to have more than 1 person show up this year.
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︎ Oct 05 2019
I went to a pirate conference the other day but they refused to serve food to any of the parrotsβ¦
It was a polynomial function
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︎ Oct 14 2019
I misunderstood the purpose of the colour conference...
It was a red hearring, so I blue myself for nothing.
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︎ Sep 11 2019
National Dad Conference
Speaker: βI'm glad you could all make itβ
Whole crowd: in unison βHi glad you could all make it, We're dadβ
Speaker: Puts up a pic of ID on big screen showing legal name is "glad you could all make it"
entire conference loses their shit
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︎ Feb 24 2019
What do you call a stand-in speaker at a dog conference?
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︎ Jul 16 2019
The most ComForTable part of a conference room
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︎ Jan 04 2019
Warren Buffet (self-made billionaire) holds an annual conference for aspiring entrepreneurs.
When they go to lunch during the conference, they eat from the βBuffett Buffet.β
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︎ Feb 06 2019
The keynote speaker for the medical conference walked up to the stage. "Before I begin," he started, "is there anyone in the audience from Connecticut? "
reddit.com/r/Jokes/commenβ¦
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︎ Mar 09 2019
Dad jokes conference part 2
Things were going well at the dad jokes conference.
Then someone spilled a can of beans.
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︎ Mar 01 2019
If someone ever throws something at the President of the United States during an important press conference with other world leaders, what should you scream?
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︎ Nov 24 2018
I went to this conference sponsored by Intel
All we got for lunch was chips.
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︎ Feb 28 2018
I'm sitting in the conference room at work with all these sirloin steaks. This meating is so boring.
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︎ Sep 05 2017
I was asked to deliver the inaugural speech for this health food conference.
Really enjoyed being the quinoa speaker.
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︎ Sep 18 2018
I thought I'd impress everyone by showing my presentation on the conference room wall...
But I was just projecting.
π︎ 2
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︎ Aug 28 2018
*soundsystem conference*
And out next speaker up is Sony.
π︎ 2
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︎ Jul 26 2018
This girl came up to me today and said I knew her from a vegetarian conference we attended...
I swear I never met herbivore.
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︎ Aug 30 2017
Did you hear about the conference for dads last week?
π︎ 3
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︎ Apr 15 2017
Actual quote by a sheriff at the Oroville Dam news conference:
"This is a fluid situation, obviously..."
context: http://www.kcra.com/article/evacuation-orders-issued-for-low-levels-of-oroville/8735215
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︎ Feb 13 2017
Professor dad jokes entire conference
We're at a research conference this week, and my professor was the session chair. He started out with "we all know that H2O is water, but - and I want you to really think about this - what is H2O4?" He then shows a diagram of the molecule for us all to ponder. After a minute he says, "so, what is H2O4? For drinking, bathing, washing up..." Cue a room full of groans and chuckles.
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︎ Jun 16 2014
At Parent-Teacher Conferences
Teacher: He's very smart and well behaved!
Dad: I guess we'll keep him.
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︎ Sep 21 2013
My dad is in Las Vegas for a work conference
He signed an email:
"Love from Lost Wages,
Dad"
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︎ Mar 26 2015
My wife is at a conference for work and took some time to respond to a text...
Her: "Sorry, I was at an evening session."
Me: "Ah, so now can you even?"
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︎ May 28 2015
My dad dropped this one after my mom went to my brother's parent teacher conference
Mom: Luke, Ms. _____ says that you're doing very well in class except for one thing. She says that when you do work, you're rushin'. So just try your best to take your time.
Dad: Luke, when you go back to school tell your teacher that you're American, not Russian.
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︎ Nov 06 2013
Dug this up. Not a joke in the classical sense, but this was my dad's excuse for not watching Obama's sudden press conference a few years back.
imgur.com/vXMId
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︎ Nov 10 2013
My friend was at a conference this summer where Alan Bean (4th man on the moon) was the keynote speaker...
I told him, "that speech must have been out of this world!"
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︎ Nov 05 2014
Conference call at work
When we dial in and enter our conference code, it then says, "after the tone, please say your name, followed by the pound sign." I am always tempted to say, obviously, "your name, followed by the pound sign." It being a professional office and all, I can never bring myself to do it. But in this "dad jokes" forum, I think I found my home. Thanks everyone!
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︎ Feb 26 2015
Son, I had a parent-teacher conference with your chemistry teacher yesterday.
π︎ 2
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︎ Apr 11 2014
Why were Mary and Joseph not able to join a conference call?
Because there was no Zoom at the Inn!
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︎ Dec 23 2020
What do you call a butcherβs conference
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︎ Nov 14 2019
[national dad conference]
Speaker: I'm glad you could all make it
Whole crowd: in unison hi glad you could all make it We're dad
Speaker: Puts up a pic of ID on big screen showing legal name is "glad you could all make it"
entire conference loses their shit
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︎ Mar 15 2019
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