No one expected me to win the cereal eating competition

...but I've got some Trix up my sleeve

Inspired by a recent post here

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📅︎ May 18 2020
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Recently went to a steak eating competition.

There was a lot of beef between the competitors.

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👤︎ u/Zkck0517
📅︎ Feb 22 2020
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My cousin was at a Mexican apple eating competition.

Turns out he Juan first place.

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📅︎ Sep 02 2019
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I'd never take part in a pie-eating competition

It's totally irrational, it would just go on forever.

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👤︎ u/Reddym
📅︎ Dec 31 2017
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The hidden puns of LexisNexis

Years ago I used to use a LexisNexis database of companies that would give corporate information like name, address, and general business description. While most of them were pretty bland, there were a bunch of them with some really cheesy puns, and over a few years I built quite a collection.

Today I share with you "NEXIS IS RIDICULOUS.txt":

  • Bucyrus International caters to those who mine their own business.
  • It would be logical for Mr. Spock to boldly go to Vulcan International for rubber products. He might even live long and prosper -- in comfortable shoes.
  • What do manufacturer Electro-Motive Diesel (EMD) and 1970s band Grand Funk Railroad have in common? They both want you to do the locomotion!
  • Peter Piper can pick more than a peck of peppers or pickles from B&G Foods.
  • Toray Plastics America could sing "foam, foam on the range, where the polyester and polypropylene materials are made" all day.
  • Break out the Tums, because things are awfully gassy over at Air Liquide America.
  • If a tree falls in a Weyerhaeuser forest, someone is there to hear it -- and he has a chainsaw.
  • Although not a pushover, you can walk all over Wilsonart International.
  • Here's a HEICO haiku: HEICO companies/ Providing for jet engines/ In flight or on land.
  • American Italian Pasta Company (AIPC) uses its noodle in many different ways.
  • The golf industry doesn't mind when Aldila gives it the shaft.
  • Rat-a-tat-tat and a ringa-ding-ding. What's that? Answer: The sounds emanating from Pearl, one of the world's foremost makers of drums and other percussion and musical instruments.
  • Saint-Gobain Ceramics & Plastics deals powders and crystal, but there's no need to call the cops.
  • Pamida Stores Operating Company offers more small-town values than a bandwagon of Republicans on the campaign trail.
  • Like a tight end, offshore drilling contractor Transocean dreams of going deep but doesn't mind eating a little mud.
  • Rittal me this, Batman!
  • Utility Trailer Manufacturing is spreading its own brand of reefer madness.
  • Who is the Fresh Prince of Sullair?
  • If GrafTech International were a bard, it could wax poetic in an ode to the electrode.
  • When it comes to adhesives and vibration control products, LORD knows.
  • You might say that Deere & Company enjoys its customers going to seed.
  • Pfizer pfabricates pfarmaceuticals pfor quite a pfew inpfirmities.
  • Stripping is OK at Spraylat.
  • Don't think Seton is
... keep reading on reddit ➡

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📅︎ Feb 22 2016
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All you can eat.

Went to a local restaurant with my dad and younger siblings earlier today. When our waitress came along and pointed out their all you can eat buffalo wing special, my dad pulled this:

Dad: "All you can eat, huh? You know, I tried to get into the competitive eating scene once."

Brother: "You did? When was that? Why didn't you keep going?"

Dad: "Well, after a few competitions I just couldn't stomach the pressure anymore."

Even the waitress groaned.

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👤︎ u/ZTheJerk
📅︎ Feb 22 2014
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