I prefer mine in this giant cup.
Wedding party favors are cat mugs
So I was at a restaurant with my Dad, and he was having some coffee in a mug made by a company called Brasilrecca...
Dad: Do you know what else is a Brasilrecca?
Me: No, what?
Dad: Germany!
The crime was considered a coffee mug.
"Where's all the coffee?"
Coffee pot replies, "We were mugged."
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My friend once told me she watched Regular Show all the time. I said, "I guess you could say you watch it regularly." We are not friends anymore. (True Story)
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I'm reading a book about anti-gravity. It's impossible to put down!
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I wanted to take pictures of the fog this morning… But I mist my chance. I guess I could dew it tomorrow!
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Looks tasty. Gimme a pizza that.
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Why do eggs hate jokes? The answers always crack them up!
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What did the mayonnaise say when somebody opened the refrigerator? "Hey, close the door! I'm dressing!"
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Somebody stole all my lamps…. And I couldn't be more de-lighted!
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I once met a pig that did karate… We called him Pork Chop!
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Coffee has a rough time in our house. It gets mugged every single morning!
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My ex-wife still misses me. But her aim is starting to improve!
(Source For All Puns Except The First) https://bestlifeonline.com/bad-funny-puns/
Did you hear about the restaurant on the moon? Great food, no atmosphere.
What do you call a fake noodle? An Impasta.
How many apples grow on a tree? All of them.
Want to hear a joke about paper? Nevermind it's tearable.
I just watched a program about beavers. It was the best dam program I've ever seen.
Why did the coffee file a police report? It got mugged.
How does a penguin build it's house? Igloos it together.
Dad, did you get a haircut? No I got them all cut.
What do you call a Mexican who has lost his car? Carlos.
Dad, can you put my shoes on? No, I don't think they'll fit me.
Why did the scarecrow win an award? Because he was outstanding in his field.
Why don't skeletons ever go trick or treating? Because they have no body to go with.
Ill call you later. Don't call me later, call me Dad.
What do you call an elephant that doesn't matter? An irrelephant
Want to hear a joke about construction? I'm still working on it.
What do you call cheese that isn't yours? Nacho Cheese.
Why couldn't the bicycle stand up by itself? It was two tired.
What did the grape do when he got stepped on? He let out a little wine.
I wouldn't buy anything with velcro. It's a total rip-off.
We were walking from the library and I had a travel coffee mug but the little bit of coffee left had gone cold. I dumped the remainder in the grass so I could put it in my backpack.
GF: "Don't dump your coffee in the grass!!"
Me: "It's okay, it's ground coffee" The look on her face...
Wife: if I go out side and all our mugs are on the grass I'm leaving you Dad: (sips his coffee from a bowl)
Backstory: I had bought a set of nice Nespresso coffee cups for my parents for Christmas (original, I know). But these aren't your standard, chunky, ceramic Christmas mugs with snowflakes or Santas, but actually something for the type of coffee fanatics that spend their money on Clooney's kind of blend, what else?
So - having dessert; cake, coffee, the whole shabang.
Me, inspecting one of said cups: "I'm glad I actually found a set that doesn't stay in the cupboard all year like literally every other mug you've ever gotten from anyone."
Mom, eating cake: "Mm-hmm."
Me: "Like, these are actually really nice. I like the pattern around the base and how they're round and square at the same time."
Mom, between bites: "They're very nice."
Suddenly, Dad, eating his cake completely silently up until this point: "You should take a picture of them. Might make for a pretty cool mugshot."
Cue me barely managing to swallow my coffee, Mom chuckling into her cup and both our subsequent groans
My wife works at the school across the street from our home and she takes two travel mugs to work to get her through the day.
She was telling me the next time we buy whole bean coffee that she wanted to grind it finer so that it would go farther. I asked her "Farther than across the street?!"
We were having breakfast and after stirring his coffee he kept the spoon in his mug so it was leaning on the rim. Then he says "This coffee must not be very strong, it can't even hold the spoon upright!"
One of my coworkers brought an orange in to eat for breakfast at work. Another employee told her, "That orange smells delicious?"
Of course she set me up so I had to say, "Orange you jealous??"
Then she acted like she was going to throw a coffee mug at me.
Why did the coffee file a police report
It got mugged
Because it got mugged
Because It got mugged!
Coffee pot: I was mugged!
WIFE: if I go outside & all our mugs are on the front lawn, I'm leaving u
ME: * sips coffee from bowl *
If I go to a coffee shop, order some coffee "for here," and have it handed to me, have I been mugged?
