I called my wife and asked her if she wanted me to pick up fish and chips on my way home.

She just grunted. I think she regrets letting me name the twins.

πŸ‘︎ 262
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πŸ‘€︎ u/PensionNo8124
πŸ“…︎ May 05 2021
🚨︎ report
Whats similar between a bag of chips and a gun?

When you pull them out suddenly everyone wants to be your friend. (My daughter sent me this joke)

πŸ‘︎ 26
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Futch1
πŸ“…︎ Jun 05 2021
🚨︎ report
As a kid I could walk into a store with a dollar and come out with 2 candy bars and a bag of chips

And now they have cameras.

πŸ‘︎ 41
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πŸ‘€︎ u/flebrolo
πŸ“…︎ May 23 2021
🚨︎ report
Someone just told me I reminded them of a packet of flavourless chips.

I've never been so unsalted in my life.

πŸ‘︎ 10
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πŸ‘€︎ u/VERBERD
πŸ“…︎ Jun 02 2021
🚨︎ report
Why were the chips so upset?

They kepta geting assaulted.

πŸ‘︎ 2
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πŸ‘€︎ u/THPSROCKS
πŸ“…︎ May 20 2021
🚨︎ report
Outdad my dad with this one. He messaged me today that our dog ate a packet of corn chips. I replied..

...Soon we are going to have poop corn.

And added that we might have a cereal killer living in our house.

πŸ‘︎ 2
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πŸ‘€︎ u/DitMasterGoGo
πŸ“…︎ Apr 26 2021
🚨︎ report
Went to a fish and chip shop shop that served the food on old atlas pages instead of newspaper.

A bit odd but it really put that plaice on the map.

πŸ‘︎ 2
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πŸ‘€︎ u/donttakethechip
πŸ“…︎ May 17 2021
🚨︎ report
Got a job at a potato chip factory. On top of salary they said I could pick any flavor chip off the shelf once a month.

They prided themselves in their stock options.

πŸ‘︎ 3
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Cross2085
πŸ“…︎ Mar 04 2021
🚨︎ report
What do you call a monk that loves chips?

A chipmunk!

πŸ‘︎ 21
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Jaron5_55
πŸ“…︎ Feb 10 2021
🚨︎ report
Correct me if I’m wrong, but due to the ongoing pandemic, would it be smart to stay at least 6ft away from the chips and dip when visiting a Mexican restaurant?

You know, Salsa Distancing.

πŸ‘︎ 5
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πŸ‘€︎ u/CaramelLow8561
πŸ“…︎ Feb 24 2021
🚨︎ report
I visited a monastery the other day and as I walked past the kitchen I saw a man frying chips. I asked him "Are you the friar?"

He replied "No, I'm the chip monk..."

πŸ‘︎ 581
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πŸ‘€︎ u/cotswoldboy
πŸ“…︎ Dec 12 2020
🚨︎ report
A man walks into a fish and chip shop with a salmon under his arm...

Man: Do you do fishcakes?

Fishmonger: no, I'm afraid not, sorry.

Man: Ah, that's a shame - it's his birthday today

πŸ‘︎ 10
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πŸ‘€︎ u/YakDangerous5412
πŸ“…︎ Mar 12 2021
🚨︎ report
Chip
πŸ‘︎ 11
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Bookpusher52
πŸ“…︎ Feb 01 2021
🚨︎ report
Get it? Cuz Pringles are chips?
πŸ‘︎ 12
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πŸ‘€︎ u/ClassySansyPansy
πŸ“…︎ Jan 31 2021
🚨︎ report
What sound does a tortilla chip make when sneezing?

nACHOO!

πŸ‘︎ 18
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πŸ‘€︎ u/larsmeimei
πŸ“…︎ Feb 07 2021
🚨︎ report
What did the corn chips say to the thief?

That's nacho cheese

πŸ‘︎ 10
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πŸ‘€︎ u/hammyhampton
πŸ“…︎ Jan 04 2021
🚨︎ report
I visited a monastery and as I walked past the kitchen I saw a man frying chips...

'Are you the friar? ' I asked him.

'No, I am the chip monk' he replied.

Edit : Holy crap ! More than 1K updoots for a silly joke ? Thanks guys ! I am not sure whether to be proud or ashamed of myself.

πŸ‘︎ 3k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/aabesh
πŸ“…︎ Jul 21 2020
🚨︎ report
A monastery in Las Vegas kept getting chips in their donation box

It got so frustrating they decided to hire a chipmunk

πŸ‘︎ 10
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πŸ‘€︎ u/te_ka
πŸ“…︎ Feb 11 2021
🚨︎ report
I need a pun about chips for a Christmas gift

So my brother is super hard to buy for because my mom buys him EVERYTHING, literally. This kid has every toy, game console, video game, movie, funko pop, t-shirt, etc to ever exist. My sister and I decided to buy him chips for Christmas. I got jalapeno cheddar cheetos, a few snack bags of spicy chips, and a can of pringles. I'm going to wrap them individually and put them in a stocking. I would like to add a card with a pun or joke about chips to at least make this (admittedly low effort) gift funny.

πŸ‘︎ 2
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πŸ‘€︎ u/tazzles26
πŸ“…︎ Dec 22 2020
🚨︎ report
I heard the government was putting chips inside of people.

Well mine better be sour cream and onion

πŸ‘︎ 13
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Xenonthewizlard
πŸ“…︎ Feb 03 2021
🚨︎ report
I was hungry so I ate all my chips.

Everyone else at the poker game was not impressed.

πŸ‘︎ 18
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πŸ‘€︎ u/FinalCaveat
πŸ“…︎ Jan 23 2021
🚨︎ report
I got my chips before I put my money into the vending machine

I guess it's out of order.

πŸ‘︎ 21
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πŸ‘€︎ u/realtonylong
πŸ“…︎ Dec 30 2020
🚨︎ report
I just baked some fresh chocolate chip cookies
πŸ‘︎ 12
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πŸ‘€︎ u/ggfchl
πŸ“…︎ Sep 19 2020
🚨︎ report
What do you call chips that you can catch?

Snatchos

πŸ‘︎ 12
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Mcklauster
πŸ“…︎ Dec 20 2020
🚨︎ report
chips
πŸ‘︎ 171
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πŸ‘€︎ u/SailorNebula
πŸ“…︎ Aug 06 2020
🚨︎ report
What's a dog's favorite kind of potato chip?

Ruffles

πŸ‘︎ 7
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πŸ‘€︎ u/thailandblack
πŸ“…︎ Dec 11 2020
🚨︎ report
Did you hear about the fight at the fish and chip shop?

Five fish got battered and a bunch of chips were a-salted.

πŸ‘︎ 106
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Hideandsheep
πŸ“…︎ Aug 23 2020
🚨︎ report
Of course, french fries are far too posh for us, we only do chips!
πŸ‘︎ 24
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πŸ‘€︎ u/orlanthi
πŸ“…︎ Sep 28 2020
🚨︎ report
My grandson’s dad joke ( very proud grandfather) What kind of chips do you get at the airport?

Plane chips!

πŸ‘︎ 40
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πŸ‘€︎ u/yanual3d
πŸ“…︎ Sep 05 2020
🚨︎ report
Last night my wife says "Honey will you go get us some tortilla chips and cheese?"

I looked deep into her eyes and said "I'm nacho delivery service. "

πŸ‘︎ 15
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πŸ‘€︎ u/skotgil
πŸ“…︎ Nov 11 2020
🚨︎ report
What brand of chips is slower than Internet Explorer?

DeLay’s

πŸ‘︎ 7
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πŸ‘€︎ u/TiesG92
πŸ“…︎ Nov 20 2020
🚨︎ report
The other day I was on the dock talking to two of my neighbors… One of them had a cooler full of beers and snacks… Pulling out a beer pops the top and opening a bag of chips, he says β€œMy wife’s an angel

I said, β€œyou’re lucky – mine is still alive…”

πŸ‘︎ 6
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πŸ‘€︎ u/hayeshilton
πŸ“…︎ Nov 21 2020
🚨︎ report
What do ducks love with their tortilla chips?

Quackamole

πŸ‘︎ 35
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πŸ‘€︎ u/uneeq33
πŸ“…︎ Sep 13 2020
🚨︎ report
I hear the givernment is putting chips in people.

I hope I get Doritos

πŸ‘︎ 10
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Boop2847
πŸ“…︎ Oct 07 2020
🚨︎ report
In Vegas, people can tithe by dropping casino chips in the offertory.

At the end of the weekend there is a Brother that goes around to all the casinos to cash them out and make a deposit.

He’s the Chip Monk.

πŸ‘︎ 8
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Scottspears89
πŸ“…︎ Sep 01 2020
🚨︎ report
Every morning when I am done getting my 2 year old ready for school I call her a Canadian potato chip.

Because she’s all dressed.

πŸ‘︎ 11
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Zman11588
πŸ“…︎ Sep 29 2020
🚨︎ report
I thought I dipped my tortilla chip into a bowl of cheese sauce, but it turned out to be honey mustard.

It was a queso mistaken identity.

πŸ‘︎ 52
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πŸ‘€︎ u/FinalCaveat
πŸ“…︎ Aug 15 2020
🚨︎ report
I told my wife β€œHoney, there’s a chip in our new bowls!” She was not as impressed.
πŸ‘︎ 17
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Kekesupreme
πŸ“…︎ Aug 11 2020
🚨︎ report
Mashed up dates, chocolate chips, peanut butter, granola, almonds....delicious homemade granola bars
πŸ‘︎ 52
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πŸ“…︎ Jun 12 2020
🚨︎ report
What does Pac-Man eat with his chips?

Guacawakamole.

πŸ‘︎ 10k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/GraeDaBoss
πŸ“…︎ Mar 22 2019
🚨︎ report
I heard the government is going to put chips inside people with Covid vaccines...

I hope I get Doritos.

πŸ‘︎ 16
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πŸ‘€︎ u/mickerallen100
πŸ“…︎ Sep 23 2020
🚨︎ report
I love working at the chip factory...

But my boss really Lays in on me, and it Ruffles my feathers

πŸ‘︎ 5
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πŸ‘€︎ u/MLaBolle
πŸ“…︎ Oct 05 2020
🚨︎ report
I phoned the wife earlier and asked if she wanted me to pick up Fish and Chips on the way home, but she just grunted at me.

I think she still regrets letting me name the twins.

πŸ‘︎ 52
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πŸ‘€︎ u/GuvSingh
πŸ“…︎ Apr 30 2021
🚨︎ report
What do you call a monkey that loves chips?

A chipmunk.

πŸ‘︎ 10
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πŸ‘€︎ u/devildocjames
πŸ“…︎ Sep 28 2020
🚨︎ report
There was a fight in the fish and chip shop

The fish got battered

πŸ‘︎ 4
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ“…︎ Nov 24 2020
🚨︎ report
A hungry traveller stopped at a monastery and was taken to the kitchen where there was a brother frying chips.

"Are you the friar?" he asked.

The brother replied, "No, I'm the chip monk".

πŸ‘︎ 44
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πŸ‘€︎ u/habsfan1112
πŸ“…︎ Aug 20 2020
🚨︎ report
Did you hear that there was a big fight down at the fish and chips shop

The fish got battered and the chips got assaulted

πŸ‘︎ 8
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πŸ‘€︎ u/AmazingAlasdair
πŸ“…︎ Sep 24 2020
🚨︎ report

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