Mods said I'm a cereal reposter...
My dad keeps calling me a cereal killer 🙄
My wife is very upset she married a cereal killer.
Unfortunately they weren't able to help me in the end as I wasn't able to find the box's cereal number.
But I don’t see what’s wrong with being a cereal monogamist.
Why so cereals?
"It's okay, we love snow"
It actually made me feel a lot better.
Snow Flakes
Scorn Flakes
What is a snowman's favorite cereal?
Frosted Flakes
I felt a little out of the loop on that one
Mourn flakes
Sham poo.
A flake
It's truly useful for all in tents, and porpoises.
In other words, bran flakes.
A frosted flake
This means the layers of skin I pull off of those areas are corn flakes
My dad almost choked on a small flake of pizza crust, and he spent several minutes coughing in a loud and alarming way.
Finally he stopped, and he was all better. Someone caused him to chuckle, which triggered another fit of coughing.
I said... “That definitely didn’t go well; I think he had a ‘re-laughse’!”
It's flake news!
Except that Bran, he such a flake
Corn flakes.
No matter what we're plan, he always flakes
50 shades of grain
porn flakes
rice frisky
weeniabix
captain munch
special D
They'll always flake out on you
Because of corn flaking evidence.
Couple of my coworkers were talking about new windows one of them were putting in. As I'm walking to my office, I overhead them saying how the new windows are frosted and look really nice.
Me (interrupting them): Yeah, some of our windows are frosted too. But it's weird because in the winter time, they flake quite a bit for some reason.
Coworker 1: Flake? What do you mean?
Me: Yeah it's weird. My frosted window flakes all the time.
Coworker 2: OMG laughter
A few minutes pass as I grab some lunch and head back to my office.
Coworker 2: Anything else about your windows you'd like to tell us?
Me (after a brief pause): They're grrrrrrrrrrreat!
Frosted Flakes
They said I kept flaking on them
I bit into a piece of Flake and told my dad he better run because there's a man eating shark in the loungeroom.
My wife sits on my lap, looks at my face for a few seconds, then picks at my forehead and tells me I'm peeling.
wife: You're peeling.
me: a?
w: what? your forehead is peeling.
m: a?
w: 'a' what?
m: a?
w: huh?
m: just one spot?
w: well just one spot, but several flakes
m: so just one spot?
w: yeah
m: so, a?
w: ...
m: a?
w: what are you trying to tell me?
m: you find me appealing?
Wife gets up
My dad's favorite joke of all time (there are many variations, and of course, even more extended versions):
These three guys went to South America to explore the rain forest. The guide was leading them through explaining the different plants and animals. After awhile they started to hear this really loud sound.
whoosh
whoosh
whoosh
The men, kind of scared, asked the guide what the noise was.
"What the hell is that noise?"
"Oh, that's just the Foo bird."
"The Foo bird?"
"Yes, it's a giant bird, and the locals believe that if it poops on you, wiping it off will cause instant death."
"That's silly."
"Well, that's what the locals say."
The noise gets louder and closer.
WHOOSH
WHOOSH
WHOOSH
The men look up in the sky and see a glimpse of the Foo bird.
"It's huge!"
Suddenly...
SPLAT
All four of the men are covered with bird shit. The guide pulls a cloth out of his pocket and wipes the shit off of his face. He drops dead.
The first of the three men says, "that's got to be a coincidence."
He wipes the shit off, and drops dead.
The second guy nervously says, "it can't be true"
He wipes it off and drops dead.
The third guy doesn't wipe it off. He was found a few days later, and went home, refusing to be cleaned.
A few years pass, his life has been destroyed due to being covered in shit. His wife left him, his friends won't come near him, he can't find a job... One day, he's in the bathroom shaving around the shit.
"It's been years, most of it has flaked off, it's probably fine to wipe it off now."
He hesitates, but eventually grabs a towel, wets it down, and takes a deep breath.
He wipes the shit off, looks up into the mirror smiling, then drops dead.
The moral of the story is:
If the Foo shits, wear it.
"If I take the last in the box of Corn Flakes and finish off the rest of the Corn Pops in one meal, does that make me a cereal killer?"
*Khakis: What you need to start the car in Boston.
*Haunted French pancakes give me the crepes.
*Doctors tell us there are over seven million people who are overweight. These, of course, are only round figures.
*What do you call a cow who gives no milk? ...A milk dud (or an udder failure)
*There was a terrible fight reported in our local shopping center. It just so happened that a news reporter from one of our local stations was there to record the entire episode. It was an altercation between a prominent dentist and a manicurist. Their disagreement escalated to the point that they wound up fighting each other tooth and nail.
*The little old woman who lived in a shoe wasn't the sole owner - there were strings attached.
*I recently saw a theatrical performance on puns... turned out, it was just a play on words!
*Have you ever tried watching a magician with an anger management problem? Every time he gets mad, he pulls his hare out!
*If you lose your hearing, is it ear replaceable? -Just wondering
*Harvard has long been known for its championship Rowing team – until this year. They had their first ever indecisive rower... he couldn’t choose either oar.
*I found an excellent seamstress who is so enthusiastic about her work that she's happy to make a pair of pants for you …or at least sew its seams.
*No matter how much you push the envelope, it'll still be stationery.
*I bought a new weed whacker yesterday & it is cutting-hedge technology!
*Did you see the movie about the hot dog? It was an Oscar Wiener.
*I read about a recent fire at the circus. The heat was in tents.
*I was saddened to hear that our local bakery was going out of business. They said they had decided to stop making donuts after they got tired of the hole thing.
*I decided that becoming a vegetarian was a missed steak.
*Why do seagulls fly over the sea? …Because if they flew over the bay, they’d be bagels!!
*I wonder if their manure spreader is the only equipment John Deere won't stand behind.
*I saw a very emotional wedding recently... even the cake was in tiers!
*I'm glad I'm not a cross-eyed teacher... otherwise I'd find it too difficult to control my pupils!
*What time is it when little white flakes fall past the classroom window? ...Snow and Tell
*I used to have a fear of hurdles, but I got over it.
*The other day I held the door open for a clown. I thought it was a nice jester.
*What kind of math do Snowy Owls like? …Owlgebra
*What
... keep reading on reddit ➡My dad keeps calling me a cereal killer 🙄
Mods said I'm a cereal reposter...
Now I have popcorn flakes.
