Checkering Puns

All of his stories had Twist endings.

Ingrid.

He had one two one two one two many.

I said "No! Leave it in the jug!" Can you imagine the mess?

...a race issue.

You're my one two, one two

Because toucan play at that game.

But I don't like talking about my checkered past.

Ran into Costco to grab a take and bake pizza for dinner. As I handed my receipt (the only item was the pizza) to the guy at the door, I tried to give a lame joke and he returned the favor.

Me: don't lose count now, this is a tough one

Costco guy: well that's awfully cheesy

During lunch, dad takes the blue/white checkered napkins, wraps it around the cat's head and proudly exclaims, "look! Yassir Aracat!"

Wom!

When asked why he always wears a checkered shirt he replied "I like to wear grid patterns so I always look like I'm plotting something"

I had dinner with Garry Kasparov last night and there was a checkered tablecloth. It took him two hours to pass me the salt.

Did I just break the rules by being racist?

I hope nobody says I just colored outside the lines. Wait, did she say colored? But I guess everyone knows my checkered past.

Because he didn't use a spell checker!

So we're flying SouthWest airlines, which means that everyone has a boarding group A to D and a boarding number 1 to 60 to determine when everyone gets to board. As soon as they call boarding group A, my dad walks right up to the ticket checker with a big smile on his face and says, "Excuse me, but I believe I'm supposed to board before everyone else. She is confused for a moment and then he proudly holds up his ticket which has "B4" on it. Everyone kind of chuckled and I quickly buried my face in my hands.

Hey Redditors, I am helping to host a trade show and the theme is "Game Changer." One subject line I made was "Still Pawn-dering about -trade show-?" and I am trying to keep it along the lines of Chess, Checkers, and Scrabble, or other board games. Thank you in advance for reading and/or your help!

Checker, chess, and poker.

My dad leans over to to me and says "I think our checker is a little cheesy"

I have a job bagging groceries at a grocery store. A woman came up to the checkstand with a bunch of red, white, and blue plates. I said to her, "You must be feeling very platriotic. Both her and the checker just gave me a blank stare.