There was an old hermit who lived in a cave and walked a lot, but didn't have shoes. He also didn't have the greatest health and had really bad breath. They called him the:

Super Calloused Fragile Mystic Plagued with Halitosis.

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👤︎ u/l8rry394
📅︎ Jul 20 2020
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Just read an article about a frozen cave man found accidentally by hikers in the Himalayas..

They found himalayan in the ice..

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👤︎ u/r00ski5
📅︎ May 25 2020
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What do you call a kid that searches for gold in a cave?

A minor.

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📅︎ Mar 26 2020
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You're in a cave, faced by a lion, a bear and a jaguar, with a gun and one bullet. What do you do?

Shoot the lion, drink the beer and drive away in the jaguar.

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👤︎ u/denandbil
📅︎ Jul 23 2019
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What do you call it when a stalagmite and a stalactites finally bump into each other in the center of a cave?

A stala-fight.

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📅︎ Jun 10 2019
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Why did the dock cave in?

pier pressure

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📅︎ Jun 12 2019
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Two cave men are hiding from a dinosaur in the bushes

Suddenly the dinosaur comes charging at them and they both flee. The first shouts "what kind of dinosaur IS that?" The other responds "Hemustasaurus"

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👤︎ u/giblfiz
📅︎ Dec 18 2018
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Elon Musk's engineers are helping with the Thai children in the cave.

They have a boring job.

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📅︎ Jul 06 2018
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Two vampire bats in a cave, one goes out in search of fresh blood in the local village, and comes back with a face covered in red blood. His friend says "what did you eat to get all that?" The first bat replies:

"You see that steeple on that church over there? Yeah, I hit it."

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📅︎ Dec 14 2018
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What pants do you wear in a cave?

Stalactights

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📅︎ Sep 13 2018
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What do you call a city which is built in a cave?

Density

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📅︎ Aug 04 2018
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Did you hear about that mine that caved in?

Everyone made it out, it was just a miner inconvenience.

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👤︎ u/GlueFox
📅︎ Jul 30 2019
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My son's been begging me to finally watch Shrek with him, so last weekend, I finally caved in...

After it was over, he asked me what I thought.

I looked at him and sighed, "I don't know. Everyone raved about it but to be honest, it really though that it was ogre rated."

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📅︎ Nov 20 2017
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Where do prehistoric hippies paint, man?

In a cave, man.

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👤︎ u/breakone9r
📅︎ Feb 11 2020
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My girlfriend had wanted to go exploring abandoned caves with me for years.

Finally, I caved in.

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📅︎ Aug 14 2019
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Billy Corgan huffed and puffed, but he just could not get the booger out of his nose.

Despite all the rage, he still had a bat in his cave

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👤︎ u/Wilbert_51
📅︎ Apr 13 2019
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I argued against spelunking...

But in the end I caved.

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📅︎ Apr 04 2017
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Punny names of Dark Souls 3 bosses.

For reference: Link to wiki

Some of these are done in a kind of "news headline"-style:

  • Choir leader fired after using too much sexual innuendo; "Lewd Ex Cantor."

  • Video on demand about a street where nothing happens; "Vod of the Boring Alley."

  • Man's brutal cousin turns out to be a great bloke; "Raw-Ted, Great Dude".

  • Panic spreads as toilet facilities take over the world; "Cry! Stall-Age."

  • A man orders a book of basic letters to look after his daughters belongings while he looks after the others; "ABC, Watch Her's!".

  • Sams brother cheats a dude; "Dean Cons the Peep."

  • A ride in the amusement park offers a wide range of emotions; "High! Low! Woo! Nah."

  • A weird and hard to describe new dessert; "Cold Lemon Thing."

  • A new star in stand up rises! Come see "Puntiff Sulyvahn."

  • Pirates start eating fava beans and a new drink is required; "Yo! Ho! The Chianti!."

  • A Long lived man has an unusual apetite for fish; "Old-Rick, Devourer of Cods".

  • In Bacteria-Town, a devastating disease strikes one inhabitant working at a hotel; "Cancer of the Borrelia Valet".

  • Roman god Cubid is ordered to take a woman to cave and kill her; "Drag and Slay Her Amor"

  • Osiris's statue has been in way too many marriages and people have started to call it; "Osiris the Consummated Thing."

  • The choir leader from before is transformed into a mushroom; "Champignon Cantor"

  • An english man becomes the leader of a Polish airplane company and gets nicknamed; "LOT-Rick"

  • An impatient tree person attacks a random mythical hunter; "Antsy Ent! Why Hern?!"

  • Horse named Elvis keeps making noise and a man shouts;"Neigh Less King!"

  • A child opens a chocolate egg and a white spirit jumps out; "Soul of Kinder"

Sorry about the possible typos.

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👤︎ u/Dralnu22
📅︎ Sep 13 2016
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Quasimodo's Replacement

Once upon a time Quasimodo was growing old and wanted to retire. Before he could, he had to hire someone new to ring the bells of the Church of Notre Dame in his place. He placed an ad in the newspaper but only one man showed up for the interview. This man happened to have no arms. The man begged Quasimodo to give him a chance, and that despite his appearance he could indeed perform the duties of the job. Quasimodo eventually caved and gave him a chance. The next day at 1:00 sharp they met in the bell tower. The man with no arms takes a wide stance near the edge of the room and charges directly towards the bell at a dead sprint. He smacks the bell squarely with his head and it produces a wonderful sonorous ring. Pleased with the results, Quasimodo tells him that if he can continue to ring the bell for the rest of the day he has the job. 2:00 passes and the man with no arms headbuts the bell twice, at 3:00 three times, and on and on until at 12:00 he produces only 11 rings before he was so disoriented and concussed that he charges right past the bell, over the railing, and falls to his death. The next day when the police investigate the mysterious death of an unknown man with no arms Quasimodo was asked if he knew anything about the dead man. He told them " I don't know his name, but his face sure rings a bell"

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👤︎ u/Bygles
📅︎ May 21 2016
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My tour guide just did this dadjoke

So we were in glenwood springs and went into the caves. It seemed like a really normal tour and just as we're about to exit, the guide tells us to put our ears on the wall of the cave. We all did assuming it was some cool feature of the cave. The guide asks us what we think we're listening to. Some reply water and others reply erosion. The guide tells us we're wrong and all we're doing is listening to hard rock.

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📅︎ Mar 28 2015
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The ranger at Carlsbad Caverns

My girlfriend and I are talking to him about White Nose Syndrome and he mentions that there's a lot of bats in the cave that could be affected by it. My girlfriend asks him Aren't they freaked out about it? referring to the staff, to which he replies Well no, the bats don't know about it, and continues on.

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👤︎ u/eviktion
📅︎ Oct 21 2015
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It didn't help after all.

My wife, son, and I are watching a ball game downstairs in the man cave. As I get up to go to the fridge....

Son: Hey Dad, grab Mom another Angry Orchard.

Me: Sure, maybe it will help me get in cider.

(Wife facepalms)

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📅︎ Dec 18 2014
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Math teacher dad joke

While talking to us about his glasses: "You know, after straining my eyes on math problems for many years, I had to cave in and buy some glasses because I heard it helps with Division"

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👤︎ u/thedecoy
📅︎ Nov 18 2013
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