Cataracts Puns

But the others drive Lincoln

Makes me want to gouge my eyes out.

Things were going great until one day she stopped seeing me.

The rest have Rexuses, Rincolns, and Ramborghinis

My grandmother has a woman who comes over and takes care of her during the day.. A few family members were there and were talking about how my grandmas sight wasn't as good as it used to be.

Care Woman: "Well Shirley has cataracts..."

Dad: "Yeah, she has one in the garage.. She used to have a Rincoln too.."

GET IT??!?!?! gahhhhhhh

He replied: "I don't have a cataract, I have a Lexus"

Dad walks out of surgery and utters to my Mom "Uggghhhhhhhh so thats what you look like???"

Because he had a cataract!

My mom was talking about her eyes and how she has a cataract in one of them, when my dad said "Cataract? I told you to get a Mercedes!"

Head-shakes from my mom and I and blank stares from the rest of the table.

Me: "Can you take a look at Jeffrey's eye? I think he has cataracts."

Dad: "Of course he does. Would you expect him to have dogaracts?"

Cataracts

Dad: (talking about my dog) Her right eye is getting a little cloudy.
Me: Yeah those are cataracts, right?
Dad: No I think they're dogaracts.

As we're driving, he complains about how dirty my mom's old Escalade's windshield is and he can barely see through. I try to be a smart ass.

Me: Maybe it's the cataracts.

Dad: We're in a Cataract Escalade.

We all got a giggle.

The doctor told him he had cataracts. My dad replied, no I drive a Mercedes.

I think he'd been saving that one for a while judging by the smile on his face.

Grandpa: "So a Chinese fella is getting his eyes checked at the eye doctor since he can't see as well anymore. The doctor takes a good look at his eyes and tells him that he has a cataract.

He responds, 'I don't drive a Cadirrac! I drive a Rincoln Continental!'"

Oh, grandpa.

We were discussing our cat's vision problem.

Him: maybe she's blind

Me: or she might have cataracts.

My mom and dad were talking about my great uncle, who has cataracts.

My mom: "He has cataracts but he's working on getting them removed"

Dad: "Well maybe he could find a nice Toyota after he sells those cataracts."

(Cadillacs)

Grandpa: I've got a cataract in my left eye, so I'm partially blind.

Dad: I can't even afford to drive a cataract.

Girlfriends mom had eye surgery for her cataracts today, she has to wear an eye patch until it heals.

Nurse to girlfriends dad: "So you're giving her a ride home today?"

Girlfriends dad: "Yeah, I couldn't find a parrot to give her directions."