Did you hear about the blind carpenter?

He picked up the hammer and saw.

(my dad told this all the time. I am continuing on with the tradition...)

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πŸ‘€︎ u/SimplisticAnswer
πŸ“…︎ Dec 06 2020
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I told my carpenter not to carpet my steps.

He gave me a blank stair.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/jlaik
πŸ“…︎ Nov 23 2020
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A sperm donor, Carpenter, and Julius Caesar walked into a bar

... He came, he saw, he conquered

πŸ‘︎ 137
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πŸ‘€︎ u/viky_boy
πŸ“…︎ Oct 28 2020
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What did the carpenter do after he wasn't satisfied with his One Night Stand?

He built another one.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/icemage27
πŸ“…︎ Nov 23 2020
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What did the carpenter say as they were being arrested?

I was FRAMED!

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πŸ‘€︎ u/SuperMcG
πŸ“…︎ Oct 31 2020
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What is the cannibal carpenter’s favorite measurement?

8 feet

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πŸ‘€︎ u/SholcCTR
πŸ“…︎ Oct 24 2020
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How a carpenter describes his personality on a dating app

Woodsy

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πŸ“…︎ Sep 26 2020
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What do bakers, carpenters, and horses have in common?

They all like a good grain

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Foamy07
πŸ“…︎ Sep 07 2020
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Why couldn’t the carpenter and the lumberjack get along

They saw things differently

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πŸ‘€︎ u/greatreference
πŸ“…︎ Mar 21 2020
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Jesus was known to be a carpenter, but I've always gotten the feeling that he would make a great attorney.

He was quite the cross-examiner.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/law_daddy_esq
πŸ“…︎ Jun 25 2020
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carpenter
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πŸ‘€︎ u/CozyHerbivore
πŸ“…︎ Feb 28 2020
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What did the Mexican carpenter have for lunch?

Carne asawdust

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Bigscarydaniel
πŸ“…︎ Apr 09 2020
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How did the quarantined, unemployed carpenter pay his quarantined, unemployed staff after construction work came to a grinding halt?

In doors.

#StayHome

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πŸ‘€︎ u/popedotninja
πŸ“…︎ Mar 22 2020
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Carpenter ants or aunts?
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Godzilla_KOM
πŸ“…︎ Jun 22 2019
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I auditioned to be a carpenter’s hand.

Nailed it.

πŸ‘︎ 5
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πŸ‘€︎ u/GrandmasterBow
πŸ“…︎ Nov 26 2019
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What is it called when a bunch of carpenters and masons on the cruise?

Craftmanship

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πŸ‘€︎ u/SkyStar1991
πŸ“…︎ Sep 28 2019
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What does the carpenter tell his wife before going to bed?

you know the drill

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πŸ‘€︎ u/dubaidadjokes
πŸ“…︎ Jul 26 2019
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Did you hear about the carpenter who murdered someone at work?

They say he hit the nail on the head

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πŸ‘€︎ u/ChiWod10
πŸ“…︎ Nov 18 2019
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What did the depressed carpenter say?

I really hate my shelf.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Chuck_Finnley
πŸ“…︎ Apr 11 2019
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Did you see those carpenters at the party last night?

They really knew how to raise the roof.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/rhapsodygreen
πŸ“…︎ Jul 27 2019
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How does a carpenter catch a taxi?

He makes a cabinet.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/SadderHoshi
πŸ“…︎ Jul 02 2019
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What thing does tech support and carpenters have in common?

They both work with routers on a regular basis.

πŸ‘︎ 5
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πŸ‘€︎ u/shaggy952
πŸ“…︎ Aug 09 2019
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My friend Izzy wanted to furnish her new apartment, so I took her to furniture store owned by 3 carpenters, all named Paul.

Two of them were still apprentices and learning the trade, but the third was a master at the craft and was also my friend. They were currently busy in the workshop working on a set of great wooden letters which spelled "BEAST". "Is your friend Paul the one working on the misshapen B?" Izzy asked. "Nope, that's not him.", I replied. "So is it the one working on the crooked E?"she responded. "Most certainly not!" I answered. I finally saw him and exclaimed, "On ST is the best Paul, Izzy!"

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πŸ‘€︎ u/TheLastJoe
πŸ“…︎ Sep 24 2018
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Who was the worlds first carpenter?

Eve, because she made Adams banana stand.

πŸ‘︎ 12
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Anthonybrose
πŸ“…︎ Mar 29 2019
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My old job at the carpenters

I was working for a carpenter as work experience. He just got me to move planks from one pile to another

and woodn't you know it but I got pt having enough pretty board of not having actual qualitree experience.

I ended up getting so frustrated that I insulted him till I ran out of insults and was stumped. That's the story of how I decided to leaf being a builder behind me and branch out into new careers.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Ruminino
πŸ“…︎ Jun 17 2019
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Why was Jesus a bad carpenter?

He refused to cut corners.

πŸ‘︎ 4
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πŸ“…︎ Feb 10 2019
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I hired a carpenter, but she'll only work on the walls, ceiling joists, doorframes, and windows.

Apparently floors are beneath her.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/nemo_sum
πŸ“…︎ Feb 24 2017
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I asked my father if he knew any finish carpenters

He replied "Nope, only Canadian carpenters and a couple of Americans"

πŸ‘︎ 976
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πŸ‘€︎ u/coolhand59
πŸ“…︎ Mar 29 2015
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What do you call a carpenter without his saw?

A saw loser

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πŸ‘€︎ u/refrigerator_yeet
πŸ“…︎ Apr 06 2019
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I see said the blind carpenter

As he reached for his hammer and saw.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/welderjoe83
πŸ“…︎ May 31 2018
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A carpenter was tired of people knocking down a symbol of his country. What did he have to do?

Make a stand for the flag.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/ImpureInn
πŸ“…︎ Feb 13 2019
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I tried to be a carpenter...

but I couldn't make the cut.

πŸ‘︎ 3
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πŸ“…︎ Aug 28 2018
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I had to follow my dream of being a carpenter, even though I always end up injured.

I saw myself doing it.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/NiacTD
πŸ“…︎ Jan 27 2019
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I’m always one step ahead... like how a carpenter makes...

Stairs.

πŸ‘︎ 4
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πŸ“…︎ Dec 24 2018
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My father is a carpenter...

Everytime he asks me a question and I give a good answer he says "You hit the nail on the head son." I always take that as a dad joke.

When I work with him and need to nail a board he says "Good answer"

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Lasias
πŸ“…︎ Jan 14 2019
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Did you guys hear about the blind carpenter?

He picked up a hammer and saw

πŸ‘︎ 31
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ“…︎ Nov 18 2020
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A sperm, a carpenter, and julius ceaser walk into a bar

He came, he saw, he conquered

πŸ‘︎ 24
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Da_Brootalz
πŸ“…︎ Nov 13 2020
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My father was a blind carpenter

until he picked up his hammer and saw.

πŸ‘︎ 9
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Joesdad65
πŸ“…︎ Jun 02 2020
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A sperm donor, a carpenter and Julius Ceasar walk into a bar.

He came, he saw, he conquered.

πŸ‘︎ 214
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πŸ‘€︎ u/moses10960
πŸ“…︎ Oct 15 2018
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A sperm donor, a carpenter, and Julius Caesar walk into a bar.

He came, he saw, he conquered.

πŸ‘︎ 29
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πŸ‘€︎ u/porichoygupto
πŸ“…︎ Jul 24 2019
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A sperm donor, a Carpenter and Julius Caesar walk into a bar

He came, He saw and He conquered

πŸ‘︎ 84
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πŸ‘€︎ u/PeevesPoltergist
πŸ“…︎ May 26 2019
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A sperm donor, a carpenter, and Julius Caesar walk into a bar.

He came, he saw, he conquered.

πŸ‘︎ 110
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πŸ‘€︎ u/porichoygupto
πŸ“…︎ Oct 05 2018
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Have you ever heard the story of the blind carpenter?

He picked up his hammer and saw.

πŸ‘︎ 14
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πŸ‘€︎ u/jccdd
πŸ“…︎ Jan 11 2019
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What do you call a carpenter who loses his tools?

A saw loser.

πŸ‘︎ 6
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πŸ‘€︎ u/wexel64
πŸ“…︎ Feb 17 2019
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