Did you hear about the blind carpenter?

He picked up the hammer and saw.

(my dad told this all the time. I am continuing on with the tradition...)

πŸ‘οΈŽ 2k
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/SimplisticAnswer
πŸ“…οΈŽ Dec 06 2020
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I told my carpenter not to carpet my steps.

He gave me a blank stair.

πŸ‘οΈŽ 53
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/jlaik
πŸ“…οΈŽ Nov 23 2020
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A sperm donor, Carpenter, and Julius Caesar walked into a bar

... He came, he saw, he conquered

πŸ‘οΈŽ 137
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/viky_boy
πŸ“…οΈŽ Oct 28 2020
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What did the carpenter do after he wasn't satisfied with his One Night Stand?

He built another one.

πŸ‘οΈŽ 4
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/icemage27
πŸ“…οΈŽ Nov 23 2020
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What did the carpenter say as they were being arrested?

I was FRAMED!

πŸ‘οΈŽ 20
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/SuperMcG
πŸ“…οΈŽ Oct 31 2020
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What is the cannibal carpenter’s favorite measurement?

8 feet

πŸ‘οΈŽ 3
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/SholcCTR
πŸ“…οΈŽ Oct 24 2020
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How a carpenter describes his personality on a dating app

Woodsy

πŸ‘οΈŽ 4
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/runs_with_airplanes
πŸ“…οΈŽ Sep 26 2020
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What do bakers, carpenters, and horses have in common?

They all like a good grain

πŸ‘οΈŽ 17
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/Foamy07
πŸ“…οΈŽ Sep 07 2020
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Why couldn’t the carpenter and the lumberjack get along

They saw things differently

πŸ‘οΈŽ 49
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/greatreference
πŸ“…οΈŽ Mar 21 2020
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Jesus was known to be a carpenter, but I've always gotten the feeling that he would make a great attorney.

He was quite the cross-examiner.

πŸ‘οΈŽ 4
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/law_daddy_esq
πŸ“…οΈŽ Jun 25 2020
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carpenter
πŸ‘οΈŽ 20
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/CozyHerbivore
πŸ“…οΈŽ Feb 28 2020
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What did the Mexican carpenter have for lunch?

Carne asawdust

πŸ‘οΈŽ 4
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/Bigscarydaniel
πŸ“…οΈŽ Apr 09 2020
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How did the quarantined, unemployed carpenter pay his quarantined, unemployed staff after construction work came to a grinding halt?

In doors.

#StayHome

πŸ‘οΈŽ 3
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/popedotninja
πŸ“…οΈŽ Mar 22 2020
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Carpenter ants or aunts?
πŸ‘οΈŽ 40
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/Godzilla_KOM
πŸ“…οΈŽ Jun 22 2019
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I auditioned to be a carpenter’s hand.

Nailed it.

πŸ‘οΈŽ 5
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/GrandmasterBow
πŸ“…οΈŽ Nov 26 2019
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What is it called when a bunch of carpenters and masons on the cruise?

Craftmanship

πŸ‘οΈŽ 36
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/SkyStar1991
πŸ“…οΈŽ Sep 28 2019
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What does the carpenter tell his wife before going to bed?

you know the drill

πŸ‘οΈŽ 7
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/dubaidadjokes
πŸ“…οΈŽ Jul 26 2019
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Did you hear about the carpenter who murdered someone at work?

They say he hit the nail on the head

πŸ‘οΈŽ 2
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/ChiWod10
πŸ“…οΈŽ Nov 18 2019
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What did the depressed carpenter say?

I really hate my shelf.

πŸ‘οΈŽ 10
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/Chuck_Finnley
πŸ“…οΈŽ Apr 11 2019
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Did you see those carpenters at the party last night?

They really knew how to raise the roof.

πŸ‘οΈŽ 10
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/rhapsodygreen
πŸ“…οΈŽ Jul 27 2019
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How does a carpenter catch a taxi?

He makes a cabinet.

πŸ‘οΈŽ 16
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/SadderHoshi
πŸ“…οΈŽ Jul 02 2019
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What thing does tech support and carpenters have in common?

They both work with routers on a regular basis.

πŸ‘οΈŽ 5
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/shaggy952
πŸ“…οΈŽ Aug 09 2019
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My friend Izzy wanted to furnish her new apartment, so I took her to furniture store owned by 3 carpenters, all named Paul.

Two of them were still apprentices and learning the trade, but the third was a master at the craft and was also my friend. They were currently busy in the workshop working on a set of great wooden letters which spelled "BEAST". "Is your friend Paul the one working on the misshapen B?" Izzy asked. "Nope, that's not him.", I replied. "So is it the one working on the crooked E?"she responded. "Most certainly not!" I answered. I finally saw him and exclaimed, "On ST is the best Paul, Izzy!"

πŸ‘οΈŽ 5
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/TheLastJoe
πŸ“…οΈŽ Sep 24 2018
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Who was the worlds first carpenter?

Eve, because she made Adams banana stand.

πŸ‘οΈŽ 12
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/Anthonybrose
πŸ“…οΈŽ Mar 29 2019
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My old job at the carpenters

I was working for a carpenter as work experience. He just got me to move planks from one pile to another

and woodn't you know it but I got pt having enough pretty board of not having actual qualitree experience.

I ended up getting so frustrated that I insulted him till I ran out of insults and was stumped. That's the story of how I decided to leaf being a builder behind me and branch out into new careers.

πŸ‘οΈŽ 4
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/Ruminino
πŸ“…οΈŽ Jun 17 2019
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Why was Jesus a bad carpenter?

He refused to cut corners.

πŸ‘οΈŽ 4
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/PeterParkerWannaBe
πŸ“…οΈŽ Feb 10 2019
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I hired a carpenter, but she'll only work on the walls, ceiling joists, doorframes, and windows.

Apparently floors are beneath her.

πŸ‘οΈŽ 420
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/nemo_sum
πŸ“…οΈŽ Feb 24 2017
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I asked my father if he knew any finish carpenters

He replied "Nope, only Canadian carpenters and a couple of Americans"

πŸ‘οΈŽ 976
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/coolhand59
πŸ“…οΈŽ Mar 29 2015
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What do you call a carpenter without his saw?

A saw loser

πŸ‘οΈŽ 3
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/refrigerator_yeet
πŸ“…οΈŽ Apr 06 2019
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I see said the blind carpenter

As he reached for his hammer and saw.

πŸ‘οΈŽ 14
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/welderjoe83
πŸ“…οΈŽ May 31 2018
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A carpenter was tired of people knocking down a symbol of his country. What did he have to do?

Make a stand for the flag.

πŸ‘οΈŽ 4
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/ImpureInn
πŸ“…οΈŽ Feb 13 2019
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I tried to be a carpenter...

but I couldn't make the cut.

πŸ‘οΈŽ 3
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/UniversalHeatDeath
πŸ“…οΈŽ Aug 28 2018
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I had to follow my dream of being a carpenter, even though I always end up injured.

I saw myself doing it.

πŸ‘οΈŽ 4
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/NiacTD
πŸ“…οΈŽ Jan 27 2019
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I’m always one step ahead... like how a carpenter makes...

Stairs.

πŸ‘οΈŽ 4
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/SoaringManSunkenBoy
πŸ“…οΈŽ Dec 24 2018
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My father is a carpenter...

Everytime he asks me a question and I give a good answer he says "You hit the nail on the head son." I always take that as a dad joke.

When I work with him and need to nail a board he says "Good answer"

πŸ‘οΈŽ 2
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/Lasias
πŸ“…οΈŽ Jan 14 2019
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Did you guys hear about the blind carpenter?

He picked up a hammer and saw

πŸ‘οΈŽ 31
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/cerebolic-parabellum
πŸ“…οΈŽ Nov 18 2020
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A sperm, a carpenter, and julius ceaser walk into a bar

He came, he saw, he conquered

πŸ‘οΈŽ 24
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/Da_Brootalz
πŸ“…οΈŽ Nov 13 2020
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My father was a blind carpenter

until he picked up his hammer and saw.

πŸ‘οΈŽ 9
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/Joesdad65
πŸ“…οΈŽ Jun 02 2020
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A sperm donor, a carpenter and Julius Ceasar walk into a bar.

He came, he saw, he conquered.

πŸ‘οΈŽ 214
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/moses10960
πŸ“…οΈŽ Oct 15 2018
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A sperm donor, a carpenter, and Julius Caesar walk into a bar.

He came, he saw, he conquered.

πŸ‘οΈŽ 29
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/porichoygupto
πŸ“…οΈŽ Jul 24 2019
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A sperm donor, a Carpenter and Julius Caesar walk into a bar

He came, He saw and He conquered

πŸ‘οΈŽ 84
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/PeevesPoltergist
πŸ“…οΈŽ May 26 2019
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A sperm donor, a carpenter, and Julius Caesar walk into a bar.

He came, he saw, he conquered.

πŸ‘οΈŽ 110
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/porichoygupto
πŸ“…οΈŽ Oct 05 2018
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Have you ever heard the story of the blind carpenter?

He picked up his hammer and saw.

πŸ‘οΈŽ 14
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/jccdd
πŸ“…οΈŽ Jan 11 2019
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What do you call a carpenter who loses his tools?

A saw loser.

πŸ‘οΈŽ 6
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/wexel64
πŸ“…οΈŽ Feb 17 2019
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