A simple carpenter pun

Every time I finish making a jewelry box I can hardly contain myself....

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Rosco90
πŸ“…︎ Mar 31 2015
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What nails do carpenters hate to hit?

Fingernails.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Zayd-da-awesome
πŸ“…︎ Jul 13
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Jesus was known to be a carpenter, but I've always gotten the feeling that he would make a great attorney.

He was quite the cross-examiner.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/law_daddy_esq
πŸ“…︎ Jun 25
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Why couldn’t the carpenter and the lumberjack get along

They saw things differently

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πŸ‘€︎ u/greatreference
πŸ“…︎ Mar 21
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My father was a blind carpenter

until he picked up his hammer and saw.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Joesdad65
πŸ“…︎ Jun 02
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carpenter
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πŸ‘€︎ u/CozyHerbivore
πŸ“…︎ Feb 28
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What did the Mexican carpenter have for lunch?

Carne asawdust

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Bigscarydaniel
πŸ“…︎ Apr 09
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How did the quarantined, unemployed carpenter pay his quarantined, unemployed staff after construction work came to a grinding halt?

In doors.

#StayHome

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πŸ‘€︎ u/popedotninja
πŸ“…︎ Mar 22
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I auditioned to be a carpenter’s hand.

Nailed it.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/GrandmasterBow
πŸ“…︎ Nov 26 2019
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What is it called when a bunch of carpenters and masons on the cruise?

Craftmanship

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πŸ‘€︎ u/SkyStar1991
πŸ“…︎ Sep 28 2019
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Did you hear about the carpenter who murdered someone at work?

They say he hit the nail on the head

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πŸ‘€︎ u/ChiWod10
πŸ“…︎ Nov 18 2019
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Carpenter ants or aunts?
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Godzilla_KOM
πŸ“…︎ Jun 22 2019
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A sperm donor, a carpenter, and Julius Caesar walk into a bar.

He came, he saw, he conquered.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/porichoygupto
πŸ“…︎ Jul 24 2019
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What does the carpenter tell his wife before going to bed?

you know the drill

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πŸ‘€︎ u/dubaidadjokes
πŸ“…︎ Jul 26 2019
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A sperm donor, a carpenter and Julius Ceasar walk into a bar.

He came, he saw, he conquered.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/moses10960
πŸ“…︎ Oct 15 2018
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What did the depressed carpenter say?

I really hate my shelf.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Chuck_Finnley
πŸ“…︎ Apr 11 2019
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Did you see those carpenters at the party last night?

They really knew how to raise the roof.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/rhapsodygreen
πŸ“…︎ Jul 27 2019
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How does a carpenter catch a taxi?

He makes a cabinet.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/SadderHoshi
πŸ“…︎ Jul 02 2019
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What thing does tech support and carpenters have in common?

They both work with routers on a regular basis.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/shaggy952
πŸ“…︎ Aug 09 2019
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Who was the worlds first carpenter?

Eve, because she made Adams banana stand.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Anthonybrose
πŸ“…︎ Mar 29 2019
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My old job at the carpenters

I was working for a carpenter as work experience. He just got me to move planks from one pile to another

and woodn't you know it but I got pt having enough pretty board of not having actual qualitree experience.

I ended up getting so frustrated that I insulted him till I ran out of insults and was stumped. That's the story of how I decided to leaf being a builder behind me and branch out into new careers.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Ruminino
πŸ“…︎ Jun 17 2019
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Have you ever heard the story of the blind carpenter?

He picked up his hammer and saw.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/jccdd
πŸ“…︎ Jan 11 2019
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My friend Izzy wanted to furnish her new apartment, so I took her to furniture store owned by 3 carpenters, all named Paul.

Two of them were still apprentices and learning the trade, but the third was a master at the craft and was also my friend. They were currently busy in the workshop working on a set of great wooden letters which spelled "BEAST". "Is your friend Paul the one working on the misshapen B?" Izzy asked. "Nope, that's not him.", I replied. "So is it the one working on the crooked E?"she responded. "Most certainly not!" I answered. I finally saw him and exclaimed, "On ST is the best Paul, Izzy!"

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πŸ‘€︎ u/TheLastJoe
πŸ“…︎ Sep 24 2018
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Why was Jesus a bad carpenter?

He refused to cut corners.

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πŸ“…︎ Feb 10 2019
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What do you call a carpenter without his saw?

A saw loser

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πŸ‘€︎ u/refrigerator_yeet
πŸ“…︎ Apr 06 2019
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What do you call a carpenter who loses his tools?

A saw loser.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/wexel64
πŸ“…︎ Feb 17 2019
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A carpenter was tired of people knocking down a symbol of his country. What did he have to do?

Make a stand for the flag.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/ImpureInn
πŸ“…︎ Feb 13 2019
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I had to follow my dream of being a carpenter, even though I always end up injured.

I saw myself doing it.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/NiacTD
πŸ“…︎ Jan 27 2019
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I tried to be a carpenter...

but I couldn't make the cut.

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πŸ“…︎ Aug 28 2018
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I hired a carpenter, but she'll only work on the walls, ceiling joists, doorframes, and windows.

Apparently floors are beneath her.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/nemo_sum
πŸ“…︎ Feb 24 2017
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I see said the blind carpenter

As he reached for his hammer and saw.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/welderjoe83
πŸ“…︎ May 31 2018
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I’m always one step ahead... like how a carpenter makes...

Stairs.

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πŸ“…︎ Dec 24 2018
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My father is a carpenter...

Everytime he asks me a question and I give a good answer he says "You hit the nail on the head son." I always take that as a dad joke.

When I work with him and need to nail a board he says "Good answer"

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Lasias
πŸ“…︎ Jan 14 2019
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I asked my father if he knew any finish carpenters

He replied "Nope, only Canadian carpenters and a couple of Americans"

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πŸ‘€︎ u/coolhand59
πŸ“…︎ Mar 29 2015
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Why couldn’t the carpenter walk properly today?

Because he felt a lot of pain in his nails.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Pdonkey
πŸ“…︎ Jan 07 2019
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Did you hear about the carpenter who broke his wooden cross?

Don't worry.

He crucifixed it.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/vaxis2113
πŸ“…︎ Sep 30 2018
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Why do Carpenters make good Chiropractors?

They already know a lot about lumbar

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πŸ‘€︎ u/IAmXChris
πŸ“…︎ Jun 26 2018
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Did you hear about the blind carpenter?

He picked up the hammer and saw

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Capt-Redbeard
πŸ“…︎ Dec 06 2016
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Son, you should be like a carpenter building stairs.

Always think one step ahead.

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πŸ“…︎ Feb 16 2017
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The man who was not a carpenter once said:

"I made my bed. I will lie in it."

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πŸ‘€︎ u/joncmellentape
πŸ“…︎ Jan 14 2017
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Why was the Carpenter depressed?

He lost his coping saw.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/relayrider
πŸ“…︎ Aug 21 2016
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Dadjoked by my carpenter boyfriend.

In his room:

  Him: Is it hot in here?

  Me: No, not really.

  Him: Go stand in the corner then, it's 90 degrees.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/VerticalLines
πŸ“…︎ Feb 13 2015
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"I see..." Said the blind carpenter,

as he picked up his hammer and saw.

My dad used to make this joke all the time and it took me years to get it... Drove me insane.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Giacomo_iron_chef
πŸ“…︎ Jan 22 2015
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Carpenter

My dad and I were building a deck. When I was measuring something he turns to me and asks "oh, just seeing how long you've been here for?"

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πŸ‘€︎ u/BracketBasher
πŸ“…︎ Jan 12 2014
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"I see" said the blind carpenter, as he picked up his hammer and saw.

These go on for days all based on similar puns

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πŸ‘€︎ u/TheGeorge
πŸ“…︎ Feb 19 2014
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A sperm donor, a Carpenter and Julius Caesar walk into a bar

He came, He saw and He conquered

πŸ‘︎ 83
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πŸ‘€︎ u/PeevesPoltergist
πŸ“…︎ May 26 2019
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A sperm donor, a carpenter, and Julius Caesar walk into a bar.

He came, he saw, he conquered.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/porichoygupto
πŸ“…︎ Oct 05 2018
🚨︎ report

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