Nobody cares about Golden Retrievers
π︎ 5k
π
︎ Dec 14 2020
"I don't care where those damn cows ran off to."
....said the farmer, callously.
π︎ 2
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︎ Mar 26 2021
I usually don't care what other people are saying...
....until they start whispering.
π︎ 3
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︎ Mar 03 2021
How to call a fish who cares only for oneself?
π︎ 2
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︎ Mar 04 2021
βSo, the US is pulling out of the war right? Like, we donβt care about their fighting anymore?β
π︎ 3
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︎ Feb 17 2021
I ordered a Hit Man to take care of my business partner the other day.
After a change of heart I cancelled the order, but it was too late.
He'd been despatched.
π︎ 2
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︎ Jan 03 2021
What do you call someone who takes care of chickens?
π︎ 10
π
︎ Dec 17 2020
Itβs all taken care of
π︎ 3k
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︎ May 15 2020
My elderly neighbor had some landscapers take care of his lawn every weekend for several years. Recently, he hired a new crew, but forgot to fire the old crew. So this weekend they both showed up to mow his lawn, and got into a fight over who should be there.
He had no idea he had started a turf war.
π︎ 543
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︎ Sep 16 2020
I don't care for cheese.
π︎ 3
π
︎ Dec 30 2020
I don't understand how some people don't care about elephants being an endangered species.
I guess they just find them irrelephant.
π︎ 3
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︎ Nov 25 2020
Why didnβt the geologist care about his foliated metamorphic rock?
He didnβt give a schist.
π︎ 3
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︎ Dec 11 2020
Why do some types of healthcare professionals only care about themselves?
Because they're nurse assists.
π︎ 3
π
︎ Dec 22 2020
Four Seasons Total Lawn Care created some good ones after the bizarre press conference Saturday such as "Lawn and Order" and "Make America Rake Again" - I don't see them using this one on their promotional materials though:
π︎ 5
π
︎ Nov 09 2020
Told my dad I took care of getting the propane tanks at the house filled. His response?
π︎ 8
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︎ Nov 23 2020
Some say itβs sad that so many kids are shuffled through foster care.
Others might call it reWARDing.
I know. Iβm sorry.
π︎ 6
π
︎ Dec 12 2020
How much do I care about the environment?
Even the bags under my eyes are reusable.
π︎ 26
π
︎ Nov 05 2020
My lawn care guy had to give up mowing when his mower broke down.
π︎ 9
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︎ Sep 23 2020
People who take good care of their hair with just shampoo and water...
must love it unconditionally.
π︎ 86
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︎ Jul 14 2020
When our lawn mower broke and wouldn't run, my wife kept hinting to me that I should get it fixed. Somehow I always had something else to take care of first, the shed, the boat, making beer. Always something more important to me...
Finally, she thought of a clever way to make her point.
When I arrived home one day, I found her seated in the tall grass, busily snipping away with a tiny pair of sewing scissors.
I watched silently for a short time and then went into the house.
I was gone only a minute and when I came out, I handed her a toothbrush.
I said, "When you finish cutting the grass, you might as well sweep the driveway."
The doctors say I will walk again, but I will always have a slight limp...
π︎ 29
π
︎ Sep 03 2020
My freind: no body cares about car rental company jokes
Me: well that Hertz :β(
π︎ 5
π
︎ Sep 15 2020
How do you call a Sea creature that only cares about himself?
π︎ 4
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︎ Oct 21 2020
Probably already here but who cares?
π︎ 113
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︎ Apr 21 2020
These days everyone seems to be going for progressiveness until it comes to something they really care about.
& hence I don't care 'bout anything.
π︎ 3
π
︎ Oct 18 2020
Therapists only care about one thing
And itβs fu*king discussing
π︎ 141
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︎ Jun 05 2020
WHO CARES GUYS!?
π︎ 34
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︎ Jun 25 2020
I donβt care if all of the other giants see me as a big joke for filing a restraining order on a guy Iβve got 75 feet on.
Beanstalked is a serious matter.
π︎ 13
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︎ Jul 23 2020
Are you Tina Fey-mished? Would you care for Adele-ectable Meal? Come to Celebrit-Eats
Help me think of more celebrity food puns please!
The menu includes such dishes as:
-Marilyn Mon-roast beef
-Patrick Stew-art
-Tim Curry
-The Cate Blan-cheddar burger
-The Audrey Hep-burger
-Hayden Panet-tiramisu
-Leonard Nim-oysters
Add moreeeee
π︎ 3
π
︎ Jul 31 2020
What's the deal with those people who take care of chickens?
π︎ 7
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︎ Aug 29 2020
How did the mathematician take care of his constipation problem?
He worked it out with a pencil.
π︎ 10
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︎ Jul 06 2020
Hats off to all the doctors and health care professionals
π︎ 13
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︎ Jun 10 2020
Where do prematurely born calves go to get care
π︎ 6
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︎ Aug 23 2020
What do you call a dinosaur that takes good care of his teeth?
π︎ 67
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︎ May 03 2020
Why do I care that my sonβs phone was at 18%?
Cause it was the minimum age of percent.
π︎ 7
π
︎ Jul 31 2020
Last time I was on a flight, the stewardess approached me and asked, βSir, would you care for a drink?β
I asked her, βwhat are my options?β
She said, βyes or no.β
π︎ 71
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︎ May 08 2020
No ones takes better care of your lawn than Juan.
π︎ 9
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︎ May 08 2020
My wife was telling me about a certain artist's skin care routine
Wife : Do you know (artist's name)? Her skin care routine has 38 steps.
Me : Well, it's not that far tbh.
π︎ 2
π
︎ Jun 21 2020
Hey, I don't care, if people want to spend lots of their money on electricity...
π︎ 14
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︎ Apr 16 2020
The local seniors care home rejected my offer to speak to residents about the advantages of being young in far-eastern countries...
apparently it is not "appropriate" to talk to residents about the benefits of youth in asia.
π︎ 19
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︎ May 31 2020
When my friend craves seafood, he doesnβt care what anyone else wants to eat.
He has shellfish desires.
π︎ 6
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︎ May 24 2020
What do you call people that care for chickens?
π︎ 6
π
︎ Dec 07 2020
What are you if you take care of a chicken?
π︎ 11
π
︎ Dec 05 2020
What do you call someone who takes care of chickens?
π︎ 3
π
︎ Sep 19 2020
What do you call someone who takes care of chickens?
π︎ 89
π
︎ Feb 22 2020
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