I walk kinda funny now but my farts smell great!
I can’t say the same for his felony.
I can hardly walk, but when I fart the room smells lovely. Credit: https://pun.me/pages/dad-jokes.php
So yeah I got into a car accident during college and I wanted to commemorate that on my grad cap. My mom won't let me put my mri, "you should put something positive on your cap, not something negative" so yeah a back pun is the next best thing I could think of putting on there.
I can't belive how bold he was
He looks at the peddler and goes, "wow, that guy really has a lot on his head!"
One Buck.
I was confused, but they seemed friendly. I told them what was going on, and they said: open the gas cap. One by one, each bee flew into the tank, and to my astonishment the gas gage went from empty to full. The bees said: start the car. So, I did and it ran. I asked them: what did you put in the tank? Bee pee.
It’s called plant yourself on the couch.
I thought he was pulling my leg, but when I asked him, he told me "Yeah man it's true, no cap."
A fungi
Now police are looking for a man with a price on his head.
It’s ok, Toucan play that game.
Guess you could call him a capitalist.
There's no Plate like Chrome for the Hollandaise.
He was cap-sized.
I don't know, maybe my head is bigger than most but it does say to use a cap full.
One said to the other i wont get the job i not good at questions. Dont worry said the other i go in first and i will tell you the answers? So he goes in the boss said to him; If i poke you in the left eye what would happen. I would go half blind. If i poke you right eye what would happen. I would go fully blind. Congratulations you have got the job. Send the other candidate in. As the other candidate was going in the he said the answers are Half blind and Fully blind. Thanks mate and goes to see the boss. Right said the boss if i cut your ear off what would happen. I would go half blind. Okay said the boss if i cut your other ear off what would happen. I would go fully blind. The boss looks puzzled and said how do you make that out. He said thats obvious.
My cap would fall over my eyes!!
Me, to my two boys: "Hazel tried to escape, but I rescued her!...Or....should I say captured her?"
Boy 1: (pronunciation) "cap- CHURR!"
Boy 2: "Or... You CAT-tured her!"
Boy 1: "No, you CAT cat-ture Hazel!"
I guess I misunderstood when my therapist told me not to keep everything bottled up.
My dad turns to me and says, "Oops, Premature Ecapulation."
Skipper of course.
I’m graduating with my Masters in MIS (Management Information Systems) and am seeking suggestions for punny graduation cap mottos or sayings that I could use related to my MIS Degree. Thanks!!
It made a good ad visor.
It's a stocking cap.
I’M NOT UPSET, BUT DON’T KNOW HOW TO SHOW IT.
After we finished installing the hooks, and hung the curtains I asked her to hand the cap to me.
"Honey, can you hand me the pole end?"
She was unsure of what I meant, and asked, "What pole end?"
"Pole end is a country in eastern Europe, but I need you to hand me the cap the to the curtain rod."
Groaning ensues...
BUT MY KEYBOARD WAS BROKEN.
It hurt like hell, but my farts smell great.
