What state in the US drinks the smallest cans of soda?

Minnesota.

Yeah.

πŸ‘︎ 61
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πŸ‘€︎ u/professorf
πŸ“…︎ Apr 21 2021
🚨︎ report
I was hoping my friend would catch the can of lemon lime soda that I tossed her.

But unfortunately, Sierra Mist.

πŸ‘︎ 7
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πŸ“…︎ May 28 2021
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I got hit in the head with a can of soda.

Luckily, it was a soft drink.

πŸ‘︎ 457
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πŸ‘€︎ u/bovinecrusader
πŸ“…︎ Dec 28 2020
🚨︎ report
I was assaulted with a can of soda

I'm lucky it was just a soft drink

πŸ‘︎ 4
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πŸ‘€︎ u/shiva8512
πŸ“…︎ Nov 15 2020
🚨︎ report
My best friend was hit with a can of soda...

Good thing it was a soft drink!

πŸ‘︎ 26
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πŸ‘€︎ u/wolfmagistar
πŸ“…︎ Mar 14 2020
🚨︎ report
Did you hear about the guy that drank 10 cans of soda?

He burped 7up.

πŸ‘︎ 21
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πŸ‘€︎ u/coot32
πŸ“…︎ Sep 07 2018
🚨︎ report
Me: 24 oz. of soda is the same as two cans. My boyfriend: Do you know how to drink two cans?

β€œPut β€˜em in the blender and pull out the beaks.”

Yes, he’s a dad. And yes, he was proud of that.

πŸ‘︎ 15
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πŸ“…︎ Jul 26 2018
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I got asked out by my crush!

Then I realized a can of soda can't talk...

πŸ‘︎ 2
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πŸ‘€︎ u/DINO-BURY89
πŸ“…︎ May 09 2021
🚨︎ report
Just some puns

1: I had a crazy dream last night! I was swimming in an ocean of orange soda. Turns out it was just a Fanta sea. 2: Can February March? No, but April May. 3: I was wondering why the ball was getting bigger. Then it hit me. 4: Never trust an atom, they make up everything! 5: Β I made a pun about the wind but it blows. 6: I can’t believe I got fired from the calendar factory. All I did was take a day off! 7: What did the sushi say to the bee? Wasabee! 8: Did you hear about the guy who got hit in the head with a can of soda? He was lucky it was a soft drink! 9: I asked a Frenchman if he played video games. He said Wii

πŸ‘︎ 5
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πŸ‘€︎ u/ricardo_my_man
πŸ“…︎ Mar 25 2021
🚨︎ report
We will never run out of puns now!

A giant list of puns

What do you call a fake noodle? An Impasta.

I would avoid the sushi if I was you. It’s a little fishy.

Want to hear a joke about paper? Nevermind it’s tearable.

Why did the cookie cry? Because his father was a wafer so long!

I used to work in a shoe recycling shop. It was sole destroying.

What do you call a belt with a watch on it? A waist of time.

How do you organize an outer space party? You planet.

I went to a seafood disco last week... and pulled a mussel.

Do you know where you can get chicken broth in bulk? The stock market.

I cut my finger chopping cheese, but I think that I may have greater problems.

My cat was just sick on the carpet, I don’t think it’s feline well.

Why did the octopus beat the shark in a fight? Because it was well armed.

How much does a hipster weigh? An instagram.

What did daddy spider say to baby spider? You spend too much time on the web.

Atheism is a non-prophet organisation.

There’s a new type of broom out, it’s sweeping the nation.

What cheese can never be yours? Nacho cheese.

What did the Buffalo say to his little boy when he dropped him off at school? Bison.

Have you ever heard of a music group called Cellophane? They mostly wrap.

Why does Superman gets invited to dinners? Because he is a Supperhero.

How was Rome split in two? With a pair of Ceasars.

The shovel was a ground breaking invention.

A scarecrow says, "This job isn't for everyone, but hay, it's in my jeans."

A Buddhist walks up to a hot dog stand and says, "Make me one with everything."

Did you hear about the guy who lost the left side of his body? He's alright now.

What do you call a girl with one leg that's shorter than the other? Ilene.

I did a theatrical performance on puns. It was a play on words.

What do you do with a dead chemist? You barium.

I bet the person who created the door knocker won a Nobel prize.

Towels can’t tell jokes. They have a dry sense of humor.

Two birds are sitting on a perch and one says "Do you smell fish?"

Do you know sign language? You should learn it, it’s pretty handy.

What do you call a beautiful pumpkin? GOURDgeous.

Why did one banana spy on the other? Because she was appealing.

What do you call a cow with no legs? Ground beef.

What do you call a cow with two legs? Lean beef.

What do you call a cow with all of its legs? High steaks.

A cross eyed teacher couldn’t control his pupils.

After the accident, the juggler didn’t have the balls to do it.

I used to be afraid of hu

... keep reading on reddit ➑

πŸ‘︎ 20
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/communist_scumbag
πŸ“…︎ Nov 26 2020
🚨︎ report
124 dad jokes that will make you laugh and cringe

Dad, did you get a haircut? No I got them all cut.

What do you call a Mexican who has lost his car? Carlos.

Dad, can you put my shoes on? No, I don’t think they’ll fit me.

Can I watch the TV? Dad: Yes, but don’t turn it on.

I would avoid the sushi if I was you. It’s a little fishy.

What do you call a fake noodle? An Impasta.

You know, people say they pick their nose, but I feel like I was just born with mine.

β€œEvery time I hurt myself, even to this day, my dad says, β€˜The good news is..it’ll feel better when it quits hurting.'”

What’s brown and sticky? A stick.

Want to hear a joke about paper? Nevermind it’s tearable.

Did you hear about the restaurant on the moon? Great food, no atmosphere.

β€œI’ll call you later!”- β€œPlease don’t do that. I’ve always asked you to call me Dad!”

Q: Why did the cookie cry? A: Because his father was a wafer so long!

What did the mountain climber name his son? Cliff.

This graveyard looks overcrowded. People must be dying to get in there.

β€œMy dad literally told me this one last week: β€˜Did you hear about the guy who invented Lifesavers? They say he made a mint.’”

β€œWhenever the cashier at the grocery store asks my dad if he would like the milk in a bag he replies, β€˜No, just leave it in the carton!’”

I got so angry the other day when I couldn’t find my stress ball.

If I had a dime for every book I’ve ever read, I’d say: β€œWow, that’s coincidental.”

I’m not indecisive. Unless you want me to be.

How many apples grow on a tree? All of them.

How does a penguin build it’s house? Igloos it together.

β€œMe: β€˜Dad, make me a sandwich!’ Dad: β€˜Poof, You’re a sandwich!’”

β€œI heard there was a new store called Moderation. They have everything there

A steak pun is a rare medium well done.

β€œHow can you tell if a ant is a boy or a girl? They’re all girls, otherwise they’d be uncles.”

Milk is also the fastest liquid on earth – its pasteurized before you even see it

β€œWhat’s Forrest Gump’s password? 1forrest1”

The only thing worse than having diarrhea is having to spell it.

I asked my friend to help me with a math problem. He said: β€œDon’t worry; this is a piece of cake.” I said: β€œNo, it’s a math problem.”

I keep trying to lose weight, but it keeps finding me.

I don’t play soccer because I enjoy the sport. I’m just doing it for kicks.

Did I tell you the time I fell in love during a backflip? I was heels over head.

I used to work in a shoe recycling shop. It was sole destroying.

Why do you never see elephants hiding in trees?

... keep reading on reddit ➑

πŸ‘︎ 41
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πŸ‘€︎ u/weeb123xD
πŸ“…︎ May 19 2019
🚨︎ report
It comes in bags?

I purchased some 8oz cans of soda at Target last night and I managed to Dad-joke the cashier:

Cashier: "Do you like these in bags?"

Me: "No thanks, I like them in cans. I didn't even know they came in bags."

She rolled her eyes and ceased all communication.

πŸ‘︎ 2k
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Balrog_Forcekin
πŸ“…︎ Feb 05 2014
🚨︎ report
My roomate's brother makes a duck call.

So My roomate invited me to his family Thanksgiving/holiday party yesterday. After dessert we're all sitting around and the children present are being rowdy. My roomate's brother calls them all over to our table and insists on showing them how to make a duck call. He begins ripping apart an empty soda can and wrapping it up in a very complicated fashion with a napkin and a plastic fork. He meticulously takes the top off, makes strips of metal, and winds them into this plastic fork. He carries on like this for about five minutes, the children utterly transfixed, sit watching until his creation is finally "complete". He then holds it up to his mouth, inhales, and shouts: "HERE DUCKY DUCKY DUCKY!!!"

πŸ‘︎ 2k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/PhilboBaggins93
πŸ“…︎ Dec 08 2013
🚨︎ report
Got my boyfriend while cooking dinner

Me; just go drink a soda Bf; I can't, I'm out of soda. Me; oh, that sounds soda-pressing

My whole appartment groaned. Worth it.

πŸ‘︎ 91
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πŸ“…︎ Oct 27 2015
🚨︎ report
Little brother dadjoked me in Target

LB: Why are the soda dispensers out of order?

Me: Something is broken and it hasn't been fixed yet.

LB: But they can just reorganize it!

πŸ‘︎ 22
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πŸ‘€︎ u/pompous512
πŸ“…︎ Nov 15 2014
🚨︎ report
Duck Call

Dad sees someone drinking a can of soda pop. He points to the tab on the top and says, "ever seen one of those used as a duck call?"

Invariably they'll say "no."

He'll pull the top off, slightly bend it several times, each time blowing a practice puff through it, and then put it to his mouth and yell....

...."HERRRRRRRE DUCKY DUCKY DUCKY!!!!!"

πŸ‘︎ 148
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πŸ‘€︎ u/lautzy
πŸ“…︎ Sep 16 2013
🚨︎ report
My uncle got me yesterday...

My grandma gave him a bag full of Pepsi, Sprite, and Coca-Cola cans to take back to the store. He got really excited and said to me, "Wow, I can get 5 cents a pop for these!" Already anticipating this so I'll include it: Where I live, we call it pop instead of soda.

πŸ‘︎ 6
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πŸ‘€︎ u/energyjoules
πŸ“…︎ Nov 26 2016
🚨︎ report
It was a scorching day and Sean Connery was really craving a nice cold beer to quench his thirst.

but when he opened the fridge door he remembered about that open can of soda. Guess that's shandy

πŸ‘︎ 2
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πŸ‘€︎ u/fairyoathen
πŸ“…︎ Jan 05 2017
🚨︎ report
Grocery Store Buff

I saw one of the employees at walmart set up his own work out bench made out of pallets and Soda Cases. He was Bench a few packs of Dr. Pepper, as I am seeing this the only thing I can think is, "Man that's Soda Pressing!"

πŸ‘︎ 11
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Mr_J_Nice
πŸ“…︎ May 21 2015
🚨︎ report
I am going to my Womb

Okay lets be clear this is more of a Mom joke, but it is a Dad joke of a Mom. Now that's out of the way I was over at my friend's house, his parents are pretty funny and this joke is about his parent and not mine own.

So my friend has a four year old sister and she was mad because she couldn't have soda, so she threw a four year old fit. Her dad comes up to her and tells her she can have a cup of water. She starts crying and yells "I am going to my Womb", as four year olds can't pronounce Rs. Her Mother appears from her room and screams "Hey once you're out, you're out. There is no coming back in" The Dad who was doing his poker face breaks and starts crying laughing, so does everyone else but the daughter who just looks confused. After a few seconds we calm down and she says it again and storms off, as we chuckle.

πŸ‘︎ 25
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πŸ‘€︎ u/e-duncan
πŸ“…︎ Jan 03 2014
🚨︎ report
So I asked my dad if I could have another soda for the road...

On Sundays, my parents and I usually go to a different restaurant with a few friends. So today, we went to this amazing Hispanic family-type chain restaurant called "La Granja".

There, they have some amazing imported sodas, the favorite of mine being a Peruvian soda called "Inca Cola". I can't stress how fantastic it is. After downing my first can, I'm itching for a new one, but I didn't bring my wallet.

Me: "Dad, could I get another can of Inca Cola, you know, for the road?"

Dad: "Well, sure, but why would you get one for the road? I mean, it doesn't need it. Get one for yourself instead."

What a dad joke.

πŸ‘︎ 9
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πŸ‘€︎ u/OwnedU2Fast
πŸ“…︎ Mar 23 2014
🚨︎ report
Soda Truck

My sister's dad dropped this gold on me while we were driving around. He saw a Coca Cola truck.

"So if he empties all of the soda from his truck, does that mean he's coked out? I wonder if he'd get canned for that."

πŸ‘︎ 7
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Kneecko
πŸ“…︎ Nov 08 2013
🚨︎ report
I got hit in the head with a can of soda yesterday.

Luckily for me, it was a soft drink.

πŸ‘︎ 180
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Rav4xle
πŸ“…︎ May 28 2020
🚨︎ report
Today I got hit in the head by a can of soda.

Luckily it was a soft drink.

πŸ‘︎ 80
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πŸ‘€︎ u/ExcitingFail
πŸ“…︎ Jul 26 2020
🚨︎ report
Someone threw a can of soda at me!

Lucky it was a soft drink πŸ€ͺ

πŸ‘︎ 4
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Bradb717
πŸ“…︎ Jul 02 2020
🚨︎ report
Did you hear about the guy who got hit in the head with a can of soda?

He was lucky it was a soft drink.

πŸ‘︎ 2k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Yea_I_Reddit
πŸ“…︎ Apr 01 2017
🚨︎ report
A woman got hit in the head by a can of soda

Thank goodness it was a soft drink

πŸ‘︎ 325
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πŸ‘€︎ u/mad2swim
πŸ“…︎ May 18 2018
🚨︎ report
I got hit in the head with a can of soda earlier.

Luckily it was a soft drink.

πŸ‘︎ 18
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ“…︎ Oct 15 2019
🚨︎ report
Did you hear about the guy who got hit in the head with a can of soda? He was lucky it was a soft drink
πŸ‘︎ 4
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ“…︎ May 23 2019
🚨︎ report
Did you hear about the guy who got hit in the head with a can of soda?

He was lucky it was a soft drink.

πŸ‘︎ 3
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πŸ‘€︎ u/lethalhedgehog
πŸ“…︎ Nov 04 2019
🚨︎ report
Did you hear about the guy that got hit with a can of soda?

He was lucky it was a soft drink

πŸ‘︎ 71
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πŸ‘€︎ u/juggernaut245
πŸ“…︎ Dec 16 2018
🚨︎ report
I was hit with a can of soda yesterday

I'm ok though it was a soft drink.

πŸ‘︎ 31
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πŸ‘€︎ u/wiredturtle99
πŸ“…︎ Mar 31 2018
🚨︎ report
Did you hear about the guy who got hit in the head with a can of soda?

He was lucky it was a soft drink...

πŸ‘︎ 91
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ“…︎ Dec 18 2015
🚨︎ report
A giant list of puns from r/copypasta

A giant list of puns

What do you call a fake noodle? An Impasta.

I would avoid the sushi if I was you. It’s a little fishy.

Want to hear a joke about paper? Nevermind it’s tearable.

Why did the cookie cry? Because his father was a wafer so long!

I used to work in a shoe recycling shop. It was sole destroying.

What do you call a belt with a watch on it? A waist of time.

How do you organize an outer space party? You planet.

I went to a seafood disco last week... and pulled a mussel.

Do you know where you can get chicken broth in bulk? The stock market.

I cut my finger chopping cheese, but I think that I may have greater problems.

My cat was just sick on the carpet, I don’t think it’s feline well.

Why did the octopus beat the shark in a fight? Because it was well armed.

How much does a hipster weigh? An instagram.

What did daddy spider say to baby spider? You spend too much time on the web.

Atheism is a non-prophet organisation.

There’s a new type of broom out, it’s sweeping the nation.

What cheese can never be yours? Nacho cheese.

What did the Buffalo say to his little boy when he dropped him off at school? Bison.

Have you ever heard of a music group called Cellophane? They mostly wrap.

Why does Superman gets invited to dinners? Because he is a Supperhero.

How was Rome split in two? With a pair of Ceasars.

The shovel was a ground breaking invention.

A scarecrow says, "This job isn't for everyone, but hay, it's in my jeans."

A Buddhist walks up to a hot dog stand and says, "Make me one with everything."

Did you hear about the guy who lost the left side of his body? He's alright now.

What do you call a girl with one leg that's shorter than the other? Ilene.

I did a theatrical performance on puns. It was a play on words.

What do you do with a dead chemist? You barium.

I bet the person who created the door knocker won a Nobel prize.

Towels can’t tell jokes. They have a dry sense of humor.

Two birds are sitting on a perch and one says "Do you smell fish?"

Do you know sign language? You should learn it, it’s pretty handy.

What do you call a beautiful pumpkin? GOURDgeous.

Why did one banana spy on the other? Because she was appealing.

What do you call a cow with no legs? Ground beef.

What do you call a cow with two legs? Lean beef.

What do you call a cow with all of its legs? High steaks.

A cross eyed teacher couldn’t control his pupils.

After the accident, the juggler didn’t have the balls to do it.

I used to be afraid of hu

... keep reading on reddit ➑

πŸ‘︎ 5
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ“…︎ Nov 26 2020
🚨︎ report
514 Dad Jokes

What do you call a fake noodle? An Impasta.

I would avoid the sushi if I was you. It’s a little fishy.

Want to hear a joke about paper? Nevermind it’s tearable.

Why did the cookie cry? Because his father was a wafer so long!

I used to work in a shoe recycling shop. It was sole destroying.

What do you call a belt with a watch on it? A waist of time.

How do you organize an outer space party? You planet.

I went to a seafood disco last week... and pulled a mussel.

Do you know where you can get chicken broth in bulk? The stock market.

I cut my finger chopping cheese, but I think that I may have greater problems.

My cat was just sick on the carpet, I don’t think it’s feline well.

Why did the octopus beat the shark in a fight? Because it was well armed.

How much does a hipster weigh? An instagram.

What did daddy spider say to baby spider? You spend too much time on the web.

Atheism is a non-prophet organisation.

There’s a new type of broom out, it’s sweeping the nation.

What cheese can never be yours? Nacho cheese.

What did the Buffalo say to his little boy when he dropped him off at school? Bison.

Have you ever heard of a music group called Cellophane? They mostly wrap.

Why does Superman gets invited to dinners? Because he is a Supperhero.

How was Rome split in two? With a pair of Ceasars.

The shovel was a ground breaking invention.

A scarecrow says, "This job isn't for everyone, but hay, it's in my jeans."

A Buddhist walks up to a hot dog stand and says, "Make me one with everything."

Did you hear about the guy who lost the left side of his body? He's alright now.

What do you call a girl with one leg that's shorter than the other? Ilene.

I did a theatrical performance on puns. It was a play on words.

What do you do with a dead chemist? You barium.

I bet the person who created the door knocker won a Nobel prize.

Towels can’t tell jokes. They have a dry sense of humor.

Two birds are sitting on a perch and one says "Do you smell fish?"

Do you know sign language? You should learn it, it’s pretty handy.

What do you call a beautiful pumpkin? GOURDgeous.

Why did one banana spy on the other? Because she was appealing.

What do you call a cow with no legs? Ground beef.

What do you call a cow with two legs? Lean beef.

What do you call a cow with all of its legs? High steaks.

A cross eyed teacher couldn’t control his pupils.

After the accident, the juggler didn

... keep reading on reddit ➑

πŸ‘︎ 77
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Josvys
πŸ“…︎ Oct 03 2019
🚨︎ report

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