Did you hear about the baseball player who can spot a fast food restaurant from miles away?
He leads the league in Arby eyes.
My 9 month pregnant wife is ready to have our child any day now, but they just won’t come. She’s tried everything she can at this point. Sex, walking, dancing, spicy foods, etc... So when I asked her what I could do to help she said “any means necessary.”
To which I replied “No it doesn’t.”
Can dogs stand spicy foods?
...or will they sit down?
From my 11 year old. So proud haha.
I can’t even stop that pointy eared tree mouse from stealing my food
It’s safe to say I hate mice elf
I told my son, "Have you heard that they're shutting down all food resources in schools, so that children can't eat?"
"Canteens?" he asked.
"No, it doesn't matter what age," I replied.
"What can you offer this restaraunt as the new food runner?"
"Well, I bring a lot to the table for starters.
My brother thinks he's the smartest person alive. He thinks onions are the only foods that can make you cry.
So I threw a coconut at him.
A man should always carry a knife. It can cut your food, open beer bottles, be a screwdriver, or even be used as a toothpick. It works great for cleaning your fingernails, and it's quite useful in an emergency situation
like when you have to change someone's mind.
Grocery store lettuce know we can leaf with safe food
Babies can't even have food on their own
LPT: If your girlfriend can cook spicy Chinese food, marry her.
Because Schezwan of a kind.
What kinda food can a shark get cavities from?
Security Guard: You can’t bring outside food in here.
Me: it’s a service burrito.
I can't get my wife to try Mediterranean food.
She doesn't like hummus, which is a naan-starter.
If your girlfriend can cook good Chinese food, you’d better marry her...
My kid at their grad celebration: “I can’t believe all the food is already gone!”
Me: aren’t you “grad-u-ate” before we came here?
Spent all day rinsing several palates of damaged Coca-Cola cans at the food bank today. The stuff at the bottom was ... gross. At home mom asked what we did.
We sorted sorta sordid sodas.
I Can't Eat Mediterranean Food
Food preservers do it when they can
Wife: Do you like the food I made? Me: Yes. Wife: You can always give me feedback...
Me: (In high pitch voice) EEeeeeeeOOoooooooo!
Why can't hyenas bring their food back to their dens before they eat it?
It'd be too much carrion'
What's the one food you can't share?
I can't believe I accidentally drank food coloring.
The doctor says I'll be fine, but it feels like I dyed a little on the inside.
What kind of food can go to church?
My wife just told me that you can strain curdled milk, then use the resulting liquid as a food additive! I was like, "no way!"
Reddit, what are some of the punniest things you can say about food?
Go ahead and dish it out, nothing is too cheesy for me.
I want to write a story about a man who wants to be the best Chinese food chef. But he needs to get his life together so he can focus.
I'll call it "Wonton Distraction."
Please note that this site uses cookies to personalise content and adverts, to provide social media features, and to analyse web traffic. Click here for more information.
