Bumped Puns

A list of puns related to "Bumped"

Guess who I bumped into on my way to get my glasses fixed?

Everybody

👍︎ 10k
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👤︎ u/TakenByKangAndKodos
📅︎ Apr 16 2020
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Guess who I bumped into on my way to the eye doctor!

>!Everybody!<

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👤︎ u/keratoconusgroup
📅︎ Nov 21 2020
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Went to go pick my glasses up from SpecSavers today and you’ll never guess who I bumped into!

Everyone.

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👤︎ u/batchyyyyy
📅︎ Oct 24 2020
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What did the tectonic plate say when it bumped into another tectonic plate?

Sorry, that's my fault.

👍︎ 1k
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👤︎ u/detivninu
📅︎ Feb 07 2020
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What did one skeleton say to the other skeleton when they bumped into each other and fell apart?

Well, it looks like I have a bone to pick with you!

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👤︎ u/saint_davidsonian
📅︎ Oct 07 2020
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I was on a train when I noticed a bully nearby who were harassing another guy sitting next to me. The bully then shoved the other guy, who bumped into my hand. I got up, punched the bully and said "Not on my watch...

..it's a brand-new Rolex."

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👤︎ u/wIXMamamama
📅︎ Jul 29 2020
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Do you know who I bumped into at the opticians

Everybody

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👤︎ u/xcatboyx
📅︎ Aug 23 2020
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Did you hear about the dolphin that bumped into the whale?

It wasn't on porpoise!

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👤︎ u/JDDDouble
📅︎ May 22 2020
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Yesterday, I bumped into the guy who once sold me an antique globe.

It’s a small world.

👍︎ 9
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👤︎ u/porichoygupto
📅︎ Jul 10 2020
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The little fish bumped into a wall while swimming up stream

. . . and exclaimed, "Dam!"

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👤︎ u/javacafe
📅︎ Jul 24 2020
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When the librarian bumped her head...

she had no one to blame apart from her shelf

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👤︎ u/LunaticPandoraXIII
📅︎ Jan 18 2020
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I bumped my elbow digging for gold.

It was a miner injury.

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👤︎ u/Spotter66
📅︎ Jun 18 2019
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I bumped into my very short mate Peter down the pub. He told a few hilarious stories about the flatbread factory he works in.

I love the pitta patter of tiny Pete

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👤︎ u/cotswoldboy
📅︎ Oct 16 2019
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You’ll never guess who I bumped into at spec savers

Everyone

My dad actually told us this

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👤︎ u/ben--dover123
📅︎ Dec 20 2019
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Two friends race each other. When they both finished, they fist bumped.

I guess you could say the finish line was also the punchline.

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👤︎ u/EOattheinternet
📅︎ Dec 06 2019
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I took the Agnetha from ABBA our for dinner once. I bumped into her again last week and asked if she enjoyed it and would she like to go for dinner again. She said...

“There's no regret If I had to do the same again I would, my friend, For a Nandos.”

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👤︎ u/cwwspurs
📅︎ Dec 27 2019
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I accidentally bumped into a guy at the cafe and spilled my coffee all over him.

Judging from the expresso on his face, he's not too happy with me.

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👤︎ u/FinalCaveat
📅︎ Sep 10 2019
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Bumped into a really great cellist while he was playing.

He struck a chord with me.

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👤︎ u/police_b00th
📅︎ Jun 01 2019
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I bumped into an old school friend today.

Luckily no one was hurt.

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👤︎ u/neudeu
📅︎ Mar 25 2019
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I bumped into an old friend who had just been duck hunting.

Hey, I didn't see you there.

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👤︎ u/Apollonius_Cone
📅︎ Jun 02 2019
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I recently bumped into someone at the movie theater...

He told me, “watch the fuck out man!”

I walked up to the ticket counter and asked him when “the fuck out man was playing”, but there sadly weren’t any showings in the area.

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👤︎ u/MeetyK
📅︎ Nov 15 2018
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You would not guess who I bumped into at the optometrist.

It was everyone. I need glasses.

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👤︎ u/DrKluge
📅︎ Feb 02 2018
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What did the pizza delivery leprechaun say when he accidentally bumped into the front door?

"Doh! Me Nose!"

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👤︎ u/barktholomew8
📅︎ Nov 17 2017
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Did you ever hear about the two monocles that bumped into each other? It was quite the spectacle.
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👤︎ u/CookieManager
📅︎ Sep 05 2017
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My son bumped his head on the bunkbed. I thought I handled it pretty well.

How did you do that? It isn't raining, let alone pouring, and you aren't an old man, nor were you snoring. Also, why are you telling me now? I thought you weren't supposed to get up until morning?

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👤︎ u/OccamsRazer
📅︎ Apr 24 2015
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My son just bumped his head [help]

OK, this just happened: bumped head, bag of frozen veggies, < enter dad stage left (the doorway, stage right is a window, and it's shut).>

Me: what happened little man? Him: <he explains> Me: So... mummy peed on your head? <Wife smirks condescendingly> Him: what?

Now, this is what I need help with, it's not the first time this has happened either, the wife goes on for a minute or so explaining how "wee" is sometimes called "pee" and how I'm deliberately misunderstanding him for comic effect.

If this wasn't bad enough he then howls with laughter for about five minutes getting me to repeat what I said again and again, all the while jumping around in the bed and generally totally cured by my comedic genius.

This isn't the way it's meant to be, is it? Can I enrol in a local parenting class, or should I send my wife to couples therapy?

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👤︎ u/created4this
📅︎ Aug 10 2016
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My dad got my mom earlier and then fist bumped me.

So my wisdom teeth have been coming in lately and my dad hit my mom with this one.

Dad: Yeah I've never had any wisdom teeth

Mom: Huh?!

Me: Some people don't get their wisdo-

Dad: ALL MY TEETH WERE STUPID TEETH!

While grinning like a maniac while my mom groaned.

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👤︎ u/Trigger_The_Dog
📅︎ Nov 15 2015
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Guess who I bumped into on my way to get my glasses fixed...

Everybody

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👤︎ u/typpo_06
📅︎ Nov 18 2020
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Guess who I bumped into on my way to get my glasses fixed

Everybody.

👍︎ 3k
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👤︎ u/KoronaSenpai
📅︎ Mar 27 2020
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One tectonic plate bumped into another and then said

Sorry, My fault

👍︎ 75
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👤︎ u/WDizzle
📅︎ Jul 10 2020
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I was on a train when I noticed a bully nearby who were harassing another guy sitting next to me. The bully then shoved the other guy, who bumped into my hand. I got up, punched the bully and said "Not on my watch...

..it's a brand new Rolex."

👍︎ 9
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👤︎ u/wIXMamamama
📅︎ Aug 05 2020
🚨︎ report
Guess who I bumped into on my way to get my glasses fixed

Everybody.

👍︎ 52
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👤︎ u/KoronaSenpai
📅︎ Mar 27 2020
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Recently I bumped into the guy that sold me an antique globe.

It’s a small world.

👍︎ 4k
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👤︎ u/porichoygupto
📅︎ May 08 2019
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Today I bumped into the guy who had sold me an antique globe.

It’s a small world.

👍︎ 6k
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👤︎ u/porichoygupto
📅︎ Nov 10 2018
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What did the fish say when he bumped into a brick wall?

Dam

👍︎ 18
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👤︎ u/flaminghotdillpickle
📅︎ Apr 17 2020
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Guess who I bumped into on my way to get my glasses fixed

Everybody.

👍︎ 193
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👤︎ u/washcapsfan37
📅︎ Mar 27 2019
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Went to the opticians yesterday, guess who I bumped into?

Everyone

👍︎ 10
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👤︎ u/scottmarti7
📅︎ Feb 14 2020
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One tectonic plate bumped into another and said...

“Sorry, my fault.”

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👤︎ u/madazzahatter
📅︎ Jan 04 2019
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When the librarian bumped her head, she had no one to blame but her shelf
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👤︎ u/Teranicia
📅︎ Sep 11 2019
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I recently bumped into the man who sold me my antique globe...

It's a small world!

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👤︎ u/Bakedschwarzenbach
📅︎ Sep 20 2019
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What did one tectonic plate say when he bumped into another tectonic plate?

Sorry my fault..

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👤︎ u/unicycleguy06
📅︎ Sep 10 2018
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I recently bumped into the guy who once sold me an antique globe.

It’s a small world.

👍︎ 14
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👤︎ u/porichoygupto
📅︎ Apr 03 2019
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You'll never guess who I bumped into at the opticians!

Everyone.

👍︎ 22
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👤︎ u/spudgun81
📅︎ Apr 26 2018
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What did 1 tectonic plate say to the other when he bumped into him?

Sorry, my fault.

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👤︎ u/RobVanDarnIt
📅︎ Feb 03 2018
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You'll never guess who I bumped into at the opticians the other day.

Everyone.

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👤︎ u/half_beard
📅︎ Sep 22 2016
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