Daughter, 6, getting her hair brushed this morning: β€œDad, I need a new bum”

Me, eyebrow raised: β€œAnd why is that sweetheart?”

Her: β€œBecause mine has a crack in it!”

I actually laughed. I don’t really know where she heard the joke or if she even knows why it’s funny, but it’s a good start to the day.

Proud dad moment.

πŸ‘︎ 55
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πŸ‘€︎ u/azureal
πŸ“…︎ Jun 29 2020
🚨︎ report
Do you know why they banned those red coloring dental tablets that revealed where you hadn’t brushed your teeth properly?

Because every time your dentist gave them to you she dyed a little inside!

πŸ‘︎ 3
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Tarynxm
πŸ“…︎ Dec 12 2019
🚨︎ report
Asked my son if he had brushed his teeth this morning...

He said, "Yeah, I brushed them with Daniel (little brother)."

I replied, "Most of us prefer to use a toothbrush. Does a better job."

"I did!"

me grinning at him

"Oh. Oh, mommy!"

He cracked up. I've still got it!

*Names changed to protect the innocent **Yes, I know I'm a mom, but it's still a dad joke. :)

πŸ‘︎ 12
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πŸ‘€︎ u/charityveritas
πŸ“…︎ Sep 24 2014
🚨︎ report
I dreamt I brushed my teeth last night....

With REMbrandt.

πŸ‘︎ 2
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πŸ‘€︎ u/lagforks
πŸ“…︎ Aug 10 2016
🚨︎ report
What do Italians brush their teeth with?

Pesto:)

πŸ‘︎ 5
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πŸ‘€︎ u/iruny
πŸ“…︎ Feb 15 2021
🚨︎ report
A Brush with Death
πŸ‘︎ 31
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πŸ‘€︎ u/butlerbert23
πŸ“…︎ Oct 11 2020
🚨︎ report
What does a bee use to brush it's hair ?

A Honeycomb.

πŸ‘︎ 44
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πŸ‘€︎ u/VERBERD
πŸ“…︎ Oct 26 2020
🚨︎ report
My wife to our son, "Go brush your teeth with your sister"

Me from the other room, "No, use a toothbrush".

πŸ‘︎ 12k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/_Soter_
πŸ“…︎ Oct 20 2019
🚨︎ report
My wife claims that vacuum cleaners are always better for cleaning than a brush.

I said, β€œThat’s a sweeping generalization.”

πŸ‘︎ 8
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πŸ‘€︎ u/porichoygupto
πŸ“…︎ Jul 22 2020
🚨︎ report
Ghandi spent a lot of time walking through the desert, so his feet hurt and he was always thirsty and weak. It's also very hard to brush your teeth in the desert.

He was a super calloused fragile mystic with extra halitosis.

πŸ‘︎ 15
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πŸ‘€︎ u/JEJoll
πŸ“…︎ Jul 14 2020
🚨︎ report
My friend went bald years ago, but still carries his old comb with him.

He just can’t part with it.

πŸ‘︎ 3k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/porichoygupto
πŸ“…︎ Aug 23 2020
🚨︎ report
I finally realized why trees don’t have teeth.

Turns out, they’re all bark and no bite.

πŸ‘︎ 11k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/assafstone
πŸ“…︎ Sep 27 2020
🚨︎ report
I brush after every meal

And the dentist thinks my hair is lovely

πŸ‘︎ 13
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πŸ‘€︎ u/December_Soul
πŸ“…︎ Jul 04 2020
🚨︎ report
My dentist says I don't brush enough but hey-

We all have our floss.

πŸ‘︎ 31
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πŸ“…︎ Apr 29 2020
🚨︎ report
Whale played.
πŸ‘︎ 16k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/shampoo_and_dick
πŸ“…︎ Jul 25 2020
🚨︎ report
Huge explosion at the hair brush factory...

Investigators are still combing through the wreckage.

πŸ‘︎ 11
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πŸ‘€︎ u/KW-DadJoker
πŸ“…︎ Jun 10 2020
🚨︎ report
Her: Obviously, everyone prefers to use a vacuum cleaner to a brush.

Me: Isn’t that.....a sweeping generalization?

πŸ‘︎ 5
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πŸ‘€︎ u/porichoygupto
πŸ“…︎ May 12 2020
🚨︎ report
If you want to know what a magician uses to brush his teeth...

...just wait until bed time, Oral-B revealed.

πŸ‘︎ 11
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πŸ‘€︎ u/ron_mcphatty
πŸ“…︎ Feb 22 2020
🚨︎ report
I hate dentists.

Bad oral hygiene can cause so many bad things in your mouth, yet they tell you to brush it off.

πŸ‘︎ 31
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πŸ‘€︎ u/pokebandit91
πŸ“…︎ Jan 12 2021
🚨︎ report
I was brushing my daughter’s teeth...

My five year old daughter had a blue colored sucker before bed. As I was brushing her teeth, I noticed they were a bit discolored.

β€œHey! You’ve got Bluetooth!” I said.

πŸ‘︎ 14
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πŸ‘€︎ u/byrd107
πŸ“…︎ Jan 30 2020
🚨︎ report
Tooth brush
πŸ‘︎ 9
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πŸ‘€︎ u/NigGorilla666
πŸ“…︎ Aug 15 2019
🚨︎ report
Southern (US) dadjoke: Better brush ya teeth afore ya wind up with summer teeth!

Daughter: What are summer teeth?

Me: Well. Summer there. But some ain't.

πŸ‘︎ 7
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πŸ‘€︎ u/breakone9r
πŸ“…︎ Feb 09 2020
🚨︎ report
The best time to brush your teeth

Two-th dirty

πŸ‘︎ 6
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πŸ‘€︎ u/AntiSubSonic
πŸ“…︎ Feb 11 2020
🚨︎ report
My toothpaste fell off the brush and into the sink

I'm crestfallen.

πŸ‘︎ 45
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πŸ‘€︎ u/DadJoker1988
πŸ“…︎ Dec 03 2019
🚨︎ report
What does Jeff Bezos do every night before bed?

He puts his pajamazon

πŸ‘︎ 280
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Ace1986
πŸ“…︎ Oct 04 2020
🚨︎ report
How do you know the tooth brush was invented by rednecks?

Anyone else would of called it a teethbrush.

πŸ‘︎ 9
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πŸ‘€︎ u/supermndahippie
πŸ“…︎ Oct 31 2019
🚨︎ report
The old man would be proud

My oldest this morning as he brushed by me on the way to the bathroom:

β€œI have to take a pee”

Me:

β€œWhy don’t you leave one instead?”

The look I got: β€œπŸ€¨β€

πŸ‘︎ 5
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πŸ‘€︎ u/TTBoy44
πŸ“…︎ Dec 19 2020
🚨︎ report
True story: my daughter was playing a pet-salon game on her iPad and said to me: "Hey dad, I've just worked out that if you just brush their teeth over and over you get experience points faster." To which I replied: "You shouldn't grind your teeth."
πŸ‘︎ 295
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πŸ‘€︎ u/shadowfax1138
πŸ“…︎ Dec 08 2018
🚨︎ report
"Sorry I'm late" said the broom

"I over swept"

πŸ‘︎ 12
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πŸ‘€︎ u/MrWulf360
πŸ“…︎ Dec 02 2020
🚨︎ report
I will be a dad in a month. Is it required for me to tell these or brush up on my humor paradigm?
πŸ‘︎ 8
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πŸ‘€︎ u/lightningcrane31
πŸ“…︎ Dec 20 2018
🚨︎ report
Saw someone driving last night after a snow storm and they didnt brush of their headlights….

Let me just say...they weren't too bright.

πŸ‘︎ 7
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πŸ‘€︎ u/spidy123
πŸ“…︎ Jan 21 2019
🚨︎ report
What happened when Odin didn't brush his teeth?

He got valhallatosis.

πŸ‘︎ 14
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πŸ‘€︎ u/AntidoteYYMBR
πŸ“…︎ Jan 15 2019
🚨︎ report
I recently bought a new toilet brush.

It's safe to say I'm going back to toilet paper.

πŸ‘︎ 5
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πŸ‘€︎ u/jack_j93
πŸ“…︎ Jul 07 2019
🚨︎ report
The O.Henry Pun-Off is back β€œON!” - Tongues of puns linger
  • Like all cherished things in this covid-crazy world, the O.Henry Museum’s famous free, family friendly celebration of the wit-in-word will take place virtually in cyberspace this year. With an awesome live cast of lively wits and tortured tongues, the online audience will be treated to all the linguistic twists, dramatic turns, and surprise endings they’ve groan to love. Expect to witness wacky word butchers and voracious verbivores from around the globe, all worming their way into your ears. Tongues of tradition, tension and camaraderie make this the premier event for the world's competitive wordplay community
  • Brought to you this year by the City of Austin, Brush Square Museums Foundation, and co- sponsored by Austin's very own Fantastic Magic Camp, as well as the internationally renowned podcast, Pun Intensive, The O. Henry Museum Pun-Off World Championships Punslingers Competition: Online Edition will commence Saturday, November 21, 2020
  • Preliminary live rounds begin Saturday, November 21, 2020, at 11:00am CST, lasting about 2 hours. Later that evening, live competition resumes at 7:00pm CST with head-to-head prime time heats. - See Pun-Off.com for schedule details, links, and more.

[Austin, TX, November 1, 2020] - Although traditionally held outdoors on a single day in the spring, the first portion 2020 the O. Henry Museum Pun-Off competition known as Punniest of Show was conducted via video in October. Now on Saturday, November 21, 2020, PARD will bring you their most popular second segment, O. Henry Museum Pun-Off World Championships Punslingers Competition: Online Edition

This free, fun, and family friendly event will take place online this year, but with special twists, turns, and surprise modifications to make it the perfect 2020 event for the world's competitive wordplay community.

The O. Henry Museum Pun-Off World Championships have been an Austin institution for 43 years. As usual, the contest will feature a cavalcade of word-class wordsmiths from across the globe, all worming their way into your art. Join and enjoy us as they compete to spontaneously spit out the most absurd words you’ve ever heard.

The event will be live streamed at PunIntensive.com.

πŸ‘︎ 3
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πŸ‘€︎ u/bpcombs
πŸ“…︎ Nov 15 2020
🚨︎ report
I can brush my teeth and whistle at the same time

He then proceeds to take out his dentures, brushes them and whistles.

πŸ‘︎ 1k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Puhlz
πŸ“…︎ Dec 01 2014
🚨︎ report
What happens when you don’t brush your anus?

You get an anal cavity!

πŸ‘︎ 5
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πŸ‘€︎ u/drewowen_
πŸ“…︎ Apr 17 2019
🚨︎ report
Why should you brush your teeth after kissing a ginger?

If you don't, you might get gingervitus

πŸ‘︎ 3
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πŸ‘€︎ u/snappedginger
πŸ“…︎ Feb 07 2019
🚨︎ report
I decided to stop brushing my hair.

I adopted a Laissez-hair policy

πŸ‘︎ 3
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Callmecaesar1
πŸ“…︎ Jan 18 2019
🚨︎ report
What did the artist say , after painting a picture using the thinnest brush he coud find?

This is fine.

πŸ‘︎ 6
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ“…︎ Dec 04 2018
🚨︎ report
My wife was helping brush my sons teeth when

My wife was helping brush my sons teeth when he turned his head and she accidentally got tooth paste on his nose. He looked into the mirror and said excitedly, "Mom, I look like I'm Bluedolph the reindeer". I knew there was more than one reason I keep this kid around.

πŸ‘︎ 66
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πŸ‘€︎ u/basotl
πŸ“…︎ Apr 11 2016
🚨︎ report
I am going to open a paint studio with the Grim Reaper.

I am going to call it Brush With Death

πŸ‘︎ 5
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πŸ‘€︎ u/flylink63
πŸ“…︎ Oct 04 2020
🚨︎ report
What do you use to brush your teeth, to sleep on, and to sit on?

A toothbrush, a bed, and a chair.

πŸ‘︎ 4
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πŸ‘€︎ u/xkcloud
πŸ“…︎ Mar 27 2018
🚨︎ report

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