My wife after our son destroyed some garlic bread and threw the crumbs everywhere,

What a breadful night...

Is she the dad now? Are we both? Either way i sense more socks with Crocs in my future.

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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/69696969-69696969
πŸ“…οΈŽ Feb 26 2021
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Bread puns make me crumb
πŸ‘οΈŽ 61
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/Randyotter
πŸ“…οΈŽ Mar 07 2017
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A comedian told a bad joke so the crowd threw bread crumbs at him.

He took it with a grain assault.

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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/3Dbabble
πŸ“…οΈŽ Apr 03 2018
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There's a few crows that hang out near near my house and ...

I've been throwing out some popcorn and sometimes bread crumbs instead of composting it. They like it. And I like them. They'll CAW at me sometimes when I get in the car.

I've heard that Crows....when they like you...they'll leave little gifts for you on your door step. Shining things, like bits of foil, bottle caps, buttons...etc.

And while it's not explicitly stated...they do expect something in return.

It's Quid Pro Crow.

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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/thomasbrakeline
πŸ“…οΈŽ Nov 19 2019
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The waitress cleared the bread from our table...

The waitress spilled bread crumbs onto the table

Waitress: Oops. Sorry the bread was so crumby.

Dad: I actually thought the bread was great!

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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/Blumpkin41
πŸ“…οΈŽ Jan 17 2016
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dad joked my wife

My wife went to remove a bread crumb from our infant son's shirt and somehow managed to flick the piece of bread into her own eye. She looked at me in pain and asked "Do I have a piece of bread in my eye?"

I couldn't help but respond with "yes, but first I must remove the loaf in my own eye".

reference: https://www.biblegateway.com/passage/?search=Matthew+7%3A5&version=ESV

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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/awhitehatter
πŸ“…οΈŽ Dec 09 2015
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My husband is trying out his dad jokes.

My son was helping me make bread crumbs. My husband comes along and says: Honey you don't need any fancy kitchen stuff, you've got your own personal kitchen aid right there!

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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/SparklySparklePants
πŸ“…οΈŽ Jul 19 2014
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