My wife asked me why the bottle of wine we bought yesterday was half empty.

I said because she is a pessimist.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/elster000
πŸ“…︎ Mar 11 2021
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On average how much should you spend on a bottle of wine ?

Oooooh!! About 10 minutes.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/VERBERD
πŸ“…︎ Mar 12 2021
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I've trained my dog to go and fetch me a bottle of wine

He's a Bordeaux collie

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πŸ‘€︎ u/bob9109
πŸ“…︎ Mar 19 2021
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My doctor told me to drink two bottles of red wine after a hot bath...

But I can’t even finish drinking the hot bath

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πŸ‘€︎ u/The-MEGA-O
πŸ“…︎ Feb 26 2021
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If a friend left you 12 bottles of wine on your doorstep, would you be extremely....

Grapeful.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/VERBERD
πŸ“…︎ Dec 18 2020
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A friend of mine asked me how much I spend on a bottle of wine...

I said, "Oooh!! About 15 minutes. "

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πŸ‘€︎ u/VERBERD
πŸ“…︎ Feb 10 2021
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Tennis player Sampras needed rice wine and sent me to buy a bottle without giving me cash...

For Pete's sake, I guess he wants me to pay for it myself!

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πŸ‘€︎ u/thomasbrakeline
πŸ“…︎ Sep 29 2020
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Opening a bottle of wine is easy

But it’s also easy to screw it up

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πŸ‘€︎ u/AJNotMyRealName
πŸ“…︎ May 01 2020
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What did one bottle of wine say to the other?

When we work together, we are a grape team!

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πŸ‘€︎ u/walker_922
πŸ“…︎ Apr 25 2020
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A kid hit me with a bottle of wine, what a champagne in the ass

And then I hit him back and he kept on WINEing

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πŸ‘€︎ u/JyCKatharsis
πŸ“…︎ Sep 30 2019
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Cut my hand opening a bottle of sparkling wine...

I guess every RosΓ© has its thorn!

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πŸ‘€︎ u/nemo_sum
πŸ“…︎ Jun 09 2016
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Her: I took out this bottle of wine a minute ago. Can you explain why it is half empty?

Me: Because you are a pessimist?

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πŸ‘€︎ u/porichoygupto
πŸ“…︎ Jun 16 2018
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What do you call a dog stuck in a wine bottle?

A Corki.

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πŸ“…︎ Jan 31 2019
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"Here's a complimentary bottle of wine," said the waitress.

"You're very handsome," the bottle told me.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/TommehBoi
πŸ“…︎ Aug 26 2018
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Just saw a bottle of 10 year old wine.

Surely thats too young to be drinking

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πŸ“…︎ Jun 04 2018
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What do you say when you get suprised by a fine bottle of wine?

That's a grape idea!

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πŸ‘€︎ u/d4fuQQ
πŸ“…︎ Dec 19 2017
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Presented dad with a bottle of wine

And noticed that he'd open it when I visited today. So I ask him "how was the wine?". Instantly he replies "Divine".

I should mention that English is not our native language, but we use it to communicate. Never have I expected him to make puns in English.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/b_form
πŸ“…︎ Sep 06 2015
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While shopping in Sam's club yesterday someone dropped a bottle of wine on the floor and it broke.

My boyfriend looked at me and said "someone's pop'n bottles n da club". He will be a great dad one day.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/RipleysLuckyStar
πŸ“…︎ Mar 26 2016
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Why would anyone ever tie two wine bottles together?

Wine knot

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πŸ‘€︎ u/clutchmasterflex
πŸ“…︎ Feb 11 2016
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