Because there’s always room for improvement.
It’s a-maize-thing
It was our last resort...
I’m scheduled to come in for tooth hurty.
We were there for about 20 minutes before my wife even potted a red.
a week on each hill.
Because his name was Improvement. And there's always room for improvement.
He needed an outlet.
I'm completely in the Nile.
I hope she knows how to play snooker
That’s the last time I stay at the ritz
Despite my reservations, we ate there anyway.
I'm waiting at gate B4.
Unfortunately they had to cancel. Luckily I found a replacement at the last minute. This new guy was amazing. He looked the part, sang all the songs exactly, and even his mannerisms were spot on.
After the party I went up to the replacement and asked how much I owed him for the gig. He said, "Don't worry mate, I'm pro Bono."
He says he's dreading it.
"Well, at least the directions will be easy."
"?"
"Practice, practice, practice. Then left."
She looked up and whispered, "They're right behind you".
It’s gave me thesaurus throat I’ve ever had.
It's just a draft at the moment.
I bought 2
Something bad is going to happen. I can feel it.
I only have my shelf to blame.
>!I've decided the title is going to be 'Thymeless Classics'!<.
Church.
It’s only a draft at the minute.
I said "It's a long story".
The one with the Hoppy ending. My daughter told me this 😀
She said try Sarah Topps.
I just can't put it down.
Inside of a dog, it's much too dark to read.
But it's full of words I've never even herbivore.
Addictionary
It's only a draft at the moment.
Using the Mildewy Decimal System
I just can't put it down.
"William."
the bible. it’s the holiest book.
It’s a hard back
It's an autobiography.
Absolutely nothing.
Atlas, I found it.
Unfortunately, I already Reddit.
So, she walks over and takes a seat next to him on the bench, turns to him and says, "Sorry to bother you. I know this may be a little forward but I would love to grab coffee with you some time."
Flattered, the man responds, "Sure... but what makes you so certain you and I would get along so well?"
"Well..." the woman says. "A couple things, actually. I noticed you were wearing an Iron Maiden t-shirt. Iron Maiden are my favorite band of all time. When they went on their reunion tour in 1999, my parents took me to see them in Cleveland. I was 12 years old and it was the first concert I ever went to. I absolutely love Iron Maiden."
The man can't believe it.
"I saw them play Cleveland in '99! First concert I ever went to on my own. My best friend Jimmy Spitz and I told our parents we were sleeping at each others' houses, snuck out, took a bus into the city and saw them play at the Plain Dealer Pavillion!"
Naturally, they're both shocked.
"If that isn't weird enough..." says the woman. "I noticed you're reading Mark Twain. I was a communications major in university and I actually wrote my thesis on Mark Twain and how he used satire as a lens to comment on current events of the time, comparing him to satirical news sources of today. He's my favorite author."
Now the man is really taken aback, "Get out of here! I was an English major in university! I specialized in 19th century American literature and this is like my fourth or fifth time reading Tom Sawyer, I absolutely love Mark Twain."
They both can't believe it...this has got to be a match made in heaven.
"Ok..." the woman says. "Well, buckle up because here's the icing on the cake. I noticed you're eating a prune. Prunes are my absolute favorite fruit. When I was a kid, my grandfather lived on a farm. He had an orchard that mainly grew apples and some lemons, but he knew how much my sister and I loved prunes so he kept a couple of plum trees. Every year at the end of the summer, we'd go up and harvest the plums with him. He'd dry them and by the time we'd go back to his place for Thanksgiving he'd always have those prunes saved just for us. They're my favorite fruit! I love prunes, you're eating a prune, this has got to be fate. What do you say?"
The man puts down his fruit and responds,
"It's a date!"
Because of all its problems
Slim to Nun?
(Incidentally this is a true story and I got yelled at)
Me: What'd you do today?
My toddler: Nothing
Me: Are you sure about that?
My toddler: That's my story and I'm sticking to it!
The librarian said "Sure!! What volume would you like?"
I'm really worried it will never get here.
It was about time!!
They give them book jackets!
It's a step by step guide.
It was impossible to put down
In the arc-hives!
Her name is Page Turner.
Apple MacBooks.
She said "They're right behind you!"
She look up and whispered, “They’re right behind you.”
Something bad is about to happen. I can feel it.
It's a step by step guide.
