I saw this woman flirting with Usain Bolt down the pub earlier.

β€œHmmm! She’s trying to pull a fast one” I thought

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πŸ‘€︎ u/cotswoldboy
πŸ“…︎ Nov 21 2019
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The Cheating Painter

A man was a painter, he sold paint and also painted houses for people. However, he liked to water down the paint and thin it. He would cheat his customers by forcing them to buy more paint than they needed due to the low quality.

One day, while up on a ladder painting a house with his thinned paint a bolt of lightning struck at him and he fell to the ground.

He heard a deep booming voice from heaven yell "repaint and thin no more!"

πŸ‘︎ 64
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πŸ“…︎ Jan 18 2015
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A shocking match

Did you hear about the Chess Grandmaster who, after he lost a match, destroyed the table with a massive hammer and called lightning bolts down to destroy his opponent's car?

He was banned from future competitions for being such a Thor loser.

πŸ‘︎ 3
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πŸ“…︎ Oct 18 2015
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Got my friend while working on his car today.

Car is up on a jack stand in friend's backyard and sits down to remove some bolts from the front driver side brake assembly. I happened to notice some dog poop on the ground next to him

Me: Hey bro watch out!

Friend: What? What?!

Me: Theres poop right there and your about to sit down on it. C'mon bro, you do not want people to think you're about to do a shitty job.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/freefastfire
πŸ“…︎ Dec 02 2015
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Got up to give a kiss to my gf

After I sat down on a comfy couch in the common room at college, and because of the material and weather, I was charged with static. So naturally when our lips got close, a huge bolt of static jumped between us. Laughter ensues and she says, "there's some sparks between us!"

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πŸ‘€︎ u/FinalxForm
πŸ“…︎ Feb 20 2015
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