A vulture was boarding a plane and he brought with him a dead racoon. The flight attendant, mortified by the sight and stench, pointed at the carcass and asked "Sir why did you bring a dead racoon with you."
The vulture said. "Oh this? This is my carrion luggage."
Did you hear about the boarding house that was hit by a tornado?
It seems to be permanently boarding.
TIFU by boarding the wrong ship and almost starting World War III
The last time I saw my ex girlfriend, she was boarding a plane for Helsinki.
Then she just vanished into FinnAir.
Why did the 2 worms get out of the apple before boarding Noah's Ark?
Because they had to go in pears.
Most air lines give you a boarding pass...
Except Jamaican airlines, they give you a boarding puff-puff-pass.
[News]: Low-cost boarding houses have employees quitting in record numbers
They claim it's because of a hostel work environment.
Wife texted me as she was boarding a plane, irritated that there was no wifi or TV screens as it was one of their "classic planes"
So I texted back: "Looks like you boarded the air-PLAIN.."
She didn't text me again.
Boarding pass
This happened tonight at dinner.
Wife: "mom and grandma just printed out their boarding passes"
I interrupt
Me: "what's wrong with cursive?"
Brother in law laughed. Wife a gave me a death look...felt so proud
Was boarding an airplane from Rome to Hungary...
A lot of Hungarians and a few Romans lining up with me (alone) at the terminal. I can hear that they speak English, they're all murmuring to each other. At the last second our terminal gets changed and we have to leave the airplane we were lined up to board behind. Instead we walk down another terminal that leads to some stairs that leads onto a bus.
We all pack in, I'm positioned somewhere in the middle of the masses when I announce "This is a funny looking airplane!"
EVERYONE looks at me. Not a smile. Not a smirk. Nothing.
I crack up laughing at how funny I am.
Overheard boarding a packed plane
Someone said to an older man waiting behind me to board the plane,
"They sure pack us in like sardines"
"Worse, sardines don't have luggage"
Dadjoked my wife who wanted to go paddle-boarding this weekend.
"Hey babe, I wanna paddle this weekend"
"Baby, come on over, I'll start paddling right now"
groan...
I just got a dry erase board.
I'm a teacher and every day I write a Dad Joke from this sub on the board. Today a student said this to me... I was about to go off... before I got the Dad Joke.
Student: "Sir, someone nutted on the floor!"
Me: *Begins to get angry* *Turns around... there's a hex nut on the floor*
Me: "Well played."
If Mario’s brother died, would he contact him through a Luigi board?
I'm in big trouble, you guys. I bought a set of fake pushpins and put them by the bulletin board in the IRS break room.
Now I'm wanted for tacks fraud.
I’m in charge of the reader board at work
My Sherlock Holmes themed Monopoly board is exactly 12 inches
A judicious use of the board.
How does an intellectual pirate board a ship?
I considered converting my wardrobe to house my board game collection, but was worried about losing clothing space.
Traveling with my nine year old, and he observed that our gate in Hartford was A6, and our gate in Baltimore is B6. I respond that it's raining so hard we'll take a boat home...
Not sure if this board works out.
I was asked to put either an inspirational quote or a joke on the message board at work.
The Avengers tested positive so Iron man's been working from home
Why did the stripper show up at the Board of Elections?
She heard they were looking for poll workers.
The police easily caught the thief who stole a board game.
It was a trivial pursuit.
The board is back in it's natural habitat.
Did you hear about the comedian who fell through some floor boards?
He was just going through a stage
There is a board game that I stopped playing years ago.
But I don't like talking about my checkered past.
Delta airlines have stopped using seasoning on board their aircrafts.
They only serve plane food.
The coolest part of a curcuit board is the gyroscope
I'm a big fan of white boards
I find them quite re-markable
Why couldn't the housefly board the plane?
It was on the no fly list
Did you know your nose can't be longer than 12 inches ?
Otherwise it will be a foot.
Found out I’m allergic to ceiling mounted dart boards...
They always make me throw up
BREAKING NEWS: Vietnam accidentally sank its own submarine killing all 350 on board
WARNING FOR EVERYONE WHO WANTS THE KFC GAME CONSOLE
Avoid getting a console on launch day. Multiple units had to be recalled due to the circuit boards being "fried".
Well we are closed now but the boards still come.
So we've been challenged by Little Mart, Forster, NSW to a board off. Who will come out on top?
What is Apple's favorite board game?
Chalk boards are no longer being used in schools, so when the last school finally took them down to install smart boards, the teachers gathered all the writing utensils from them and had a large bon fire just outside the school. It smelled so good.
So I made this list of people ranked by their interest in paper based drawing boards.
I call it the flip charts.
Of all the inventions of the last 100 years, the dry erase board has to be the most remarkable.
I cannot get on board with colonizing Venus
I don't work well under pressure nor do I like toxic work environment.
So we've been challenged by Little Mart, Forster, NEW to a board off. Who will come out on top?
A vulture carrying two dead raccoons boards an airplane. The stewardess looks at him and says:
"I'm sorry, only one carrion allowed per passenger'.
Finally realised these "gym" boards are not going to work out.
A bridge between the gym and body boards
Please note that this site uses cookies to personalise content and adverts, to provide social media features, and to analyse web traffic. Click here for more information.
