A vulture was boarding a plane and he brought with him a dead racoon. The flight attendant, mortified by the sight and stench, pointed at the carcass and asked "Sir why did you bring a dead racoon with you."
The vulture said. "Oh this? This is my carrion luggage."
Did you hear about the boarding house that was hit by a tornado?
It seems to be permanently boarding.
TIFU by boarding the wrong ship and almost starting World War III
The last time I saw my ex girlfriend, she was boarding a plane for Helsinki.
Then she just vanished into FinnAir.
Why did the 2 worms get out of the apple before boarding Noah's Ark?
Because they had to go in pears.
Most air lines give you a boarding pass...
Except Jamaican airlines, they give you a boarding puff-puff-pass.
[News]: Low-cost boarding houses have employees quitting in record numbers
They claim it's because of a hostel work environment.
Wife texted me as she was boarding a plane, irritated that there was no wifi or TV screens as it was one of their "classic planes"
So I texted back: "Looks like you boarded the air-PLAIN.."
She didn't text me again.
Boarding pass
This happened tonight at dinner.
Wife: "mom and grandma just printed out their boarding passes"
I interrupt
Me: "what's wrong with cursive?"
Brother in law laughed. Wife a gave me a death look...felt so proud
Was boarding an airplane from Rome to Hungary...
A lot of Hungarians and a few Romans lining up with me (alone) at the terminal. I can hear that they speak English, they're all murmuring to each other. At the last second our terminal gets changed and we have to leave the airplane we were lined up to board behind. Instead we walk down another terminal that leads to some stairs that leads onto a bus.
We all pack in, I'm positioned somewhere in the middle of the masses when I announce "This is a funny looking airplane!"
EVERYONE looks at me. Not a smile. Not a smirk. Nothing.
I crack up laughing at how funny I am.
Overheard boarding a packed plane
Someone said to an older man waiting behind me to board the plane,
"They sure pack us in like sardines"
"Worse, sardines don't have luggage"
Dadjoked my wife who wanted to go paddle-boarding this weekend.
"Hey babe, I wanna paddle this weekend"
"Baby, come on over, I'll start paddling right now"
groan...
[NSFW] It's fun being... BOARD!
White boards are really amazing...
...in fact, they’re remarkable.
Baby On Board
https://preview.redd.it/m782qosgso071.png?width=1000&format=png&auto=webp&s=38e77cc922e625e11aff51751eb8e15f6cb8d2ff
Guy tries to board a plane with a dead racoon. The flight attendant says, "sir, you're going to have to check that"
"Don't worry," he replies, "It's carrion."
How does a dart board on the ceiling make you sick?
There is a board game that I stopped playing years ago.
But I don't like talking about my checkered past.
My friend doesn't want anyone else to know that he used to play board games a lot.
He's had a checkered past.
Did you just jump off of a diving board?
I resigned from the ironing board.
Too many pressing issues and no way to de crease the number of suits against us.
The FAA has issued new guidelines on speed for airplanes to dock and passengers to board the plane.
The speeds for both are now known as "terminal velocity".
What is Canada’s national board game?
I have an obsessive compulsion to steal a strategy board game of diplomacy, conflict and conquest...
It's a Risk but I have to take it!
I have 1000 drawings of a Japanese board game.
I asked my doctor if he could refer me to a specialist about my addiction to board games. Draughts, Snakes and ladders, Scrabble....
He asked "Any Chess?"
So I said no, I'd rather go private.
The best part of writing a book using only a Ouija board is getting all the credit.
Because it was written by a ghost writer
I'm a teacher and every day I write a Dad Joke from this sub on the board. Today a student said this to me... I was about to go off... before I got the Dad Joke.
Student: "Sir, someone nutted on the floor!"
Me: *Begins to get angry* *Turns around... there's a hex nut on the floor*
Me: "Well played."
I told my friend I was going to rob a toy store for some board games
He said I could go to jail for it. I said it was a Risk worth taking
I’m in charge of the reader board at work
I was part of a class and i total , we were 100 students. I walked up to the front of the class , and wrote :"balloons" on the white board. So...
The other 99 read balloons.
I love my dry erase board...
What do you yell at a Chinese board game tournament?
Was in my local gardening centre looking at outdoor floor boards when the owner asked me if I wanted decking?
Luckily I got the first punch in.
Why did the 2 x 4 get sent to his room?
It was knotty! Hey YO!!!! (I really am sorry…)
What did the piece of wood say when it had nothing to do?
The College Board announced today that it will be dropping the essay section from the SAT.
It’ll now just be called the T.
I tried to find a pun about carpentry
I just got a dry erase board.
A judicious use of the board.
Not sure if this board works out.
If Mario’s brother died, would he contact him through a Luigi board?
My Sherlock Holmes themed Monopoly board is exactly 12 inches
I'm in big trouble, you guys. I bought a set of fake pushpins and put them by the bulletin board in the IRS break room.
Now I'm wanted for tacks fraud.
I was asked to put either an inspirational quote or a joke on the message board at work.
The board is back in it's natural habitat.
How does an intellectual pirate board a ship?
Low Effort Post
https://i.imgur.com/wve7RaB.jpg
I considered converting my wardrobe to house my board game collection, but was worried about losing clothing space.
The police easily caught the thief who stole a board game.
It was a trivial pursuit.
Of all the inventions of the last 100 years, the dry erase board has to be the most remarkable.
what do you call it when you put a baby on a piece of 4x4?
If you want to contact a dead Italian....
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