Big Bear Puns

"The big bad wolf!" a goat shouted. "Is meditating!"

"So? Isn't that a good thing? questioned the bear.

"Noooo!" the goat bleated. "It's become aware wolf!"

Grizzly looks perplexed and replies "Ive had them all my life"

The bartender replies, "Why the big paws?"

Bear says “oh these? I was born with em.”

Bear: holds up paws "cuz I'm a bear"

She's been diagnosed with buypolar disorder.

Me: He must have been a SHREWD businessman!

Cue groan and rolling over to bury her head under the pillow as I giggled for 5min

A kid had fallen right in front of me and broke his arm above the wrist. I went over to help and comfort him. The paramedic came and she cut his glove off, put a splint on as well as a sling. That's when I said "she likes you, so she put a sling on it" the paramedic and I laughed, the kid didn't

An Axe to Grind
A boy begs his father to get him a Christmas tree this year.
Each year, the boy asks and the father tells him, "I don't
want to pay for it."

But the son kept begging. Unable to bear his son's whining,
he picks up his axe one day and heads out of the house. 
Thirty minutes later he returns with a great big Christmas tree. "How did you cut it down so fast?" his son asks.

"I didn't cut it down," the father replies. 
"I got it at a tree lot."

"Then why did you bring an axe?"

"Because I didn't want to pay."

Barkeep: "What'll it be?"

Bear: "I'll have a scotch and....... ..... a soda."

Barkeep: "Coming right up, but curious, why the big pause, there?"

Bear: holds up arms and looks at them "I don't know. I've had them my whole life."

Their method for hunting polar bears was the most interesting. They would start a fire out on a deep snow bank, and essentially melt a hole in the snow. Once the hole was big enough they would stop feeding it firewood and let it burnout on its own. Once the fire had gone down and was nothing more than smoldering ashes with a little bit of smoke, they would line the edge of the fire pit with snow peas.

All they had to do from there is hide and wait. Once a bear caught scent of the smoke and starts to investigate, the bear would eventually start eating some of the peas. Then they sneak up behind it and kick it in the ash-hole.

The waiter replies “Why the big pawse?”

...

“Because I’m a bear”

A bear walks into McDonald’s. He walks up to the counter and says, “ I will have a Big Mac, a large fry, and......................... a Coke. The cashier replied, “ Ok, but why the big pause. And the bear said “ Because I’m a bear”

"I must have forgotten that Trump set the bar so low" he mumbled as he picked himself up and staggered into the bar and grill next to it. Upon seeing him, the bartender said, "hey!" The horse said, "neigh... but I'll take one for the road." The asphalt in the corner said, "thanks horse. Why the big pause?" The horse replied, "oh this is my friend the bear. He was born with big pas." "Yeah," said the bear. "I was adopted by two grizzly fathers. Turns out they weren't koala-fied to give birth to me." "Ugh," said the chicken after seeing how late it is. "I'm late to get to the other side of the road. See ya all later!"

Cut a big hole in the ice, and put peas around it. When the bear comes to take a pea, kick him in the ice hole.

The bear says 'A grilled...cheese,' The waiter says 'Why the big pause?' The bear responds 'I'm a bear.'

A little context: I'm driving around in Yellowstone with my dad and my girlfriend. My dad went on a three week cross country ski winter camping trip when he was 17 in Yellowstone. We are currently talking about whether or not it is important to carry bear spray.

Dad: "Did I ever tell you about that time I woke up a bear on my ski trip?"

Me: "What?! No, that's crazy, what happened?"

Dad: "Well, we were skiing through an open field when we hear a rumbling from about 100 yards behind us, and we turn back and there's a huge bear, and he looks at us and starts lumbering in our direction. At the time, I was with this girl who was not a very good skier, but we were pretty sure black bears can't climb trees, so we start hustling towards the woods. So I'm pulling her along and this bear is gaining on us but we get to the closest climbable tree and the bear is still 50 yards back. Like I said, she wasn't a very good skier, or really very coordinated in general, so I help boost her up into the tree and she's up there and she's pretty safe, but this took a minute and a lot of my energy. So now the bear is only about 15 feet away, and I've still got my skis on, and, you know, back then we didn't have fancy cross country skis, we had these big metal cable bindings and leather lace up boots, so I definitely don't have time to get them off. And I'm so exhausted from dragging this girl across the field and then shoving her up into the tree that I've got almost nothing left, and the first branch is about 8 feet off the ground. But this bear is coming at me and there's nothing I can do but jump for it, so I leap and pull myself up and over the branch using everything I've got right as the bear lunges for me and bites into my ski boot. So here I am, doubled over this branch with a bear's jaws on my foot, my skis on, and not one ounce of energy left, and he's really sinking his teeth in and he's really just pulling my leg just like I'm pulling yours!"

"What do you want sir?"

Asked the cashier.

"I'd like a big.."

The bear paused for a second.

"...mac"

...

"Why the big pause?"

asked the cashier

"Hey i'm a bear"

Exclaimed the bear while holding his arms up

Ninjaedit: Format

... "Give me a whiskey and... Koka-Koala"

"why the big pause?" Asks the bartender.

The bear shrugs. "I'm not sure; I was born with them"

The bear's friend, a panda, walks into the bar. He eats a sandwich, shoots a gun and leaves.

"He always eats, shoots and leaves when he comes to my bar! I still don't know why!" The bartender exclaims.

"There's no way you could take down a grizzly, they're too big." "Sure there is, I could do it with my bear hands." rolls eyes

...he sits down on a stool, flags the bartender and says: 'may I please have...........a beer?'

The bartender says, 'sure...but what's with the big pause?'

The bear lifts his hands and says, 'I don't know, I've had 'em since I was a cub.'

Made the comment after the movie that it was 'grizzly'. Followed it up by saying I 'bearly' made it thru the movie. I then apologized for the 'big paws' between my jokes.

There were audible groans by the couple walking out in front of us.

My Dad's favorite joke:

A polar bear walks into a bar and sits on a stool. The barkeep asks him, "What'll it be?" The polar bear says, "I'll have a scotch......................... and a bourbon" The barkeep asks, "what's with the big pause?" The polar bear answers, "I was born with them!"

[cue groan track]

"The big bad wolf!" a goat shouted. "Is meditating!"

"So? Isn't that a good thing? questioned the bear.

"Noooo!" the goat bleated. "It's become aware wolf!"

"The big bad wolf!" a goat shouted. "Is meditating!"

"So? Isn't that a good thing? questioned the bear.

"Noooo!" the goat bleated. "It's become aware wolf!"

The bear says to the bartender, “I’ll get a whiskey and a....... A beer.”

The bartender says, “Sure man, but what’s with the big pause?”

The bear would reply, “I don’t know, man. I was born with them.”

The bartender asked "why the big pause"

The bear replies "I was born with them"

"Why the big pause?" asks the bartender. The bear shrugged, "I'm not sure, I was born with them"

He orders a large coke......... and a rum. The Bartender says, “hey, why the big pause”. The bear says “I don’t know, I was born with them”

"Why the big pause?" - says the bartender.

"I don't know. I was born with them" - says the bear.

He walks up to the bartender and says "Can I get a...................beer?" Bartender says "Why the big pause?" Bear responds "idk man I was born with them"

Bartender: „Why the big pause?“ Bear: „I‘m not sure... I was born with them.“

He says: I’ll have two pints of beer and... A whiskey please. The bartender asks: “Why the big pause?” To which the bear replies: “I was just born with them.”

and says "let me get uhhhhh.."

"Uhmmm?"

"A beer"

Bartender says, "sure but what's with the big pause?"

Bear says, "I was born with them"

He sits down at the bar and says “Bartender i’d like a whiskey........................and coke”

“Sure thing” says the bartender “but, why the big pause”?

The bear puts his paws in the air and says “oh, I’ve had these all my life”.

He goes up to the bartender and says:

"I'll have a gin and...................tonic"

The bartender says:

"Why the big pause?"

The polar bear replies:

"I don't know, I was born with them."

He walks up to the bartender who asks him what he wants.

I'll take a nice cold ......................... beer.

The bartender says "Sure thing but what's with the big pause?"

"Im a bear."

Well first, you need a can of peas and a saw. Next, you take that saw and cut a big hole in the ice. Take that can of peas and put peas all around the hole and wait. When the bear comes to take a pea, you kick him in the ice hole.

A bear walks into a restaurant and the waiter asks "what can I get ya?" The bear says, "I'll have the…............................. Mac and cheese" Waiter asks, "Why the big pause?" Bear says, "Well, I'm a bear!"

He says, "I want a griiillllled....... cheese."

The waiter says, "Ok but, what's with the big pause?"

And the bear says, "What do you mean? I'm a bear!"

and says, "I'll have a gin and............................tonic please." The barkeep says "what's with the big pause?" The polar bear replies, "I don't know, my dad had them too!"