Grizzly bear walks into a bar. Says to the bartender "i'll have a whiskey..................on the rocks, please" bartender asks "whats with the big pause?"

Grizzly looks perplexed and replies "Ive had them all my life"

πŸ‘︎ 20
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Carr3iroh
πŸ“…︎ Dec 17 2020
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A big bear goes into a bar and slaps down a $20 bill and says to the bartender,"give me a gin and................tonic"

The bartender replies, "Why the big paws?"

πŸ‘︎ 5
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πŸ‘€︎ u/shdchko
πŸ“…︎ Dec 15 2020
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Bear walks into a bar. Bartender says - β€œwhat’ll you have?” Bear says β€œI’ll have a beer......... and...................... um.............. a bourbon.” Bartender says β€œalright. Say what’s with the big pause?”

Bear says β€œoh these? I was born with em.”

πŸ‘︎ 9
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Bradb717
πŸ“…︎ Aug 18 2020
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A bear walks into a bar and says "I want a gin.........and tonic." Bartender asks "why the big pause?"

Bear: holds up paws "cuz I'm a bear"

πŸ‘︎ 6
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Jherin
πŸ“…︎ Aug 28 2020
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The big bad wolf converted to Buddhism and there was finally peace in the forest. But suddenly, the air was filled with screams of terror! A bear asked the animals running past him, "What's happening now?"

"The big bad wolf!" a goat shouted. "Is meditating!"

"So? Isn't that a good thing? questioned the bear.

"Noooo!" the goat bleated. "It's become aware wolf!"

πŸ‘︎ 6
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πŸ‘€︎ u/madazzahatter
πŸ“…︎ Apr 18 2020
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Have you heard of the woman who periodically bursts into a pet shop asking if they have big white bears?

She's been diagnosed with buypolar disorder.

πŸ‘︎ 20
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πŸ‘€︎ u/thefizzynator
πŸ“…︎ Mar 26 2016
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Wife: How did Mr. Big, an arctic shrew, get polar bears to work for him?

Me: He must have been a SHREWD businessman!

Cue groan and rolling over to bury her head under the pillow as I giggled for 5min

πŸ‘︎ 3
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πŸ‘€︎ u/0hwowitsme
πŸ“…︎ Mar 01 2018
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I got a kid that had broke his arm at Big Bear on Tuesday

A kid had fallen right in front of me and broke his arm above the wrist. I went over to help and comfort him. The paramedic came and she cut his glove off, put a splint on as well as a sling. That's when I said "she likes you, so she put a sling on it" the paramedic and I laughed, the kid didn't

πŸ‘︎ 7
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πŸ‘€︎ u/litgoat
πŸ“…︎ Jan 30 2016
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Badum tss
πŸ‘︎ 4k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/bett3r
πŸ“…︎ Oct 19 2020
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A bear goes to the bar and says "can I get one whiskey..................and one coke"

The bartender asked "why the big pause"

The bear replies "I was born with them"

πŸ‘︎ 13k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/KillRespectively1
πŸ“…︎ May 03 2020
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An Axe to Grind

An Axe to Grind
A boy begs his father to get him a Christmas tree this year.
Each year, the boy asks and the father tells him, "I don't
want to pay for it."

But the son kept begging. Unable to bear his son's whining,
he picks up his axe one day and heads out of the house.Β 
Thirty minutes later he returns with a great big Christmas tree. "How did you cut it down so fast?" his son asks.

"I didn't cut it down," the father replies.Β 
"I got it at a tree lot."

"Then why did you bring an axe?"

"Because I didn't want to pay."

πŸ‘︎ 17
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πŸ‘€︎ u/specklesinc
πŸ“…︎ Dec 25 2020
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Big paws.
πŸ‘︎ 6k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/chadohawk
πŸ“…︎ Feb 16 2019
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A bear walks into a bar.

Barkeep: "What'll it be?"

Bear: "I'll have a scotch and....... ..... a soda."

Barkeep: "Coming right up, but curious, why the big pause, there?"

Bear: holds up arms and looks at them "I don't know. I've had them my whole life."

πŸ‘︎ 9
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Nxsclothing
πŸ“…︎ Sep 04 2020
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I read an article about Eskimo hunting practices today

Their method for hunting polar bears was the most interesting. They would start a fire out on a deep snow bank, and essentially melt a hole in the snow. Once the hole was big enough they would stop feeding it firewood and let it burnout on its own. Once the fire had gone down and was nothing more than smoldering ashes with a little bit of smoke, they would line the edge of the fire pit with snow peas.

All they had to do from there is hide and wait. Once a bear caught scent of the smoke and starts to investigate, the bear would eventually start eating some of the peas. Then they sneak up behind it and kick it in the ash-hole.

πŸ‘︎ 2
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πŸ“…︎ Jan 23 2020
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A grizzly bear walks into a restaurant and says β€œCan I get a grilled..............cheese?”

The waiter replies β€œWhy the big pawse?”

...

β€œBecause I’m a bear”

πŸ‘︎ 16
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πŸ‘€︎ u/NewFound_Fury
πŸ“…︎ Feb 10 2020
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Beary Funny

A bear walks into McDonald’s. He walks up to the counter and says, β€œ I will have a Big Mac, a large fry, and......................... a Coke. The cashier replied, β€œ Ok, but why the big pause. And the bear said β€œ Because I’m a bear”

πŸ‘︎ 7
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πŸ‘€︎ u/papafishpig02
πŸ“…︎ Oct 16 2019
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How do you catch a polar bear?

First, you go to the grocery store and get a bunch of canned peas. Then, you brave the ice and snow and go to where the bear lives. Then, when he’s not watching, cut a big hole in the ice and carefully place the cans of peas around the edge. Finally, when the bear comes to take a pea, kick him in the ice hole ❄️

πŸ‘︎ 3
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πŸ‘€︎ u/kylieelaine3
πŸ“…︎ Jul 30 2019
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A bear walks into a restaurant and the waiter asks what he wants to eat

The bear says 'A grilled...cheese,' The waiter says 'Why the big pause?' The bear responds 'I'm a bear.'

πŸ‘︎ 5
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πŸ‘€︎ u/BiggiePhats
πŸ“…︎ Aug 12 2018
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Didn't realize it was a Dad Joke until too late...

A little context: I'm driving around in Yellowstone with my dad and my girlfriend. My dad went on a three week cross country ski winter camping trip when he was 17 in Yellowstone. We are currently talking about whether or not it is important to carry bear spray.

Dad: "Did I ever tell you about that time I woke up a bear on my ski trip?"

Me: "What?! No, that's crazy, what happened?"

Dad: "Well, we were skiing through an open field when we hear a rumbling from about 100 yards behind us, and we turn back and there's a huge bear, and he looks at us and starts lumbering in our direction. At the time, I was with this girl who was not a very good skier, but we were pretty sure black bears can't climb trees, so we start hustling towards the woods. So I'm pulling her along and this bear is gaining on us but we get to the closest climbable tree and the bear is still 50 yards back. Like I said, she wasn't a very good skier, or really very coordinated in general, so I help boost her up into the tree and she's up there and she's pretty safe, but this took a minute and a lot of my energy. So now the bear is only about 15 feet away, and I've still got my skis on, and, you know, back then we didn't have fancy cross country skis, we had these big metal cable bindings and leather lace up boots, so I definitely don't have time to get them off. And I'm so exhausted from dragging this girl across the field and then shoving her up into the tree that I've got almost nothing left, and the first branch is about 8 feet off the ground. But this bear is coming at me and there's nothing I can do but jump for it, so I leap and pull myself up and over the branch using everything I've got right as the bear lunges for me and bites into my ski boot. So here I am, doubled over this branch with a bear's jaws on my foot, my skis on, and not one ounce of energy left, and he's really sinking his teeth in and he's really just pulling my leg just like I'm pulling yours!"

πŸ‘︎ 241
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πŸ‘€︎ u/pipore22
πŸ“…︎ Aug 08 2014
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A bear walks into Mcdonald's

"What do you want sir?"

Asked the cashier.

"I'd like a big.."

The bear paused for a second.

"...mac"

...

"Why the big pause?"

asked the cashier

"Hey i'm a bear"

Exclaimed the bear while holding his arms up

Ninjaedit: Format

πŸ‘︎ 17
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πŸ‘€︎ u/BeliefInAll
πŸ“…︎ Jul 17 2017
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A bear walks into a bar and says...

... "Give me a whiskey and... Koka-Koala"

"why the big pause?" Asks the bartender.

The bear shrugs. "I'm not sure; I was born with them"

The bear's friend, a panda, walks into the bar. He eats a sandwich, shoots a gun and leaves.

"He always eats, shoots and leaves when he comes to my bar! I still don't know why!" The bartender exclaims.

πŸ‘︎ 5
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Odysseus3
πŸ“…︎ Apr 10 2017
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Bit long: There is a world where...

There is a world where everyone is a cheerio and there are 4 main ranks. There is the plain cheerio then the chocolate cheerio then then the rainbow cheerio and then finally King cheerio himself. In this world there is a man called Steve, Steve was a plain cheerio working at a Mc. donalds. He found working there very boring, so he saved up enough money to get a surgery to become a chocolate cheerio. And so he got the surgery and now he was able to be manager at the Mc. Donalds he was working at. However he still didn't feel as if this was enough so he saved up enough money to get another surgery to become a rainbow cheerio. Now that he was a rainbow cheerio he owned Mc. Donalds itself. As a celebration king cheerio hosted a party at his mansion for Steve's new job. During the party Steve got a chance to speak with the King and he asked him how it was to be a the king, but the king replied that it was extremely exhausting to be the king. So Steve decided that he didn't want to be king. After his conversation he felt thirst so headed over to the drinks building. On the first floor he new he could get bear which he wanted, but as he arrived he noticed that the line was too big. So Steve went up to the next floor where there was wine, but again the line was too big. On the third floor there was Coke, but just like the other floors the line was too big. He also new that on the 5th floor there was milk which was his favourite. So he thought that might as well skip the 4th floor to get milk. But he changed his mind has he walked by the 4th floor as he saw the sign that they where serving punch and as he realised there wasn't any punchline.

πŸ‘︎ 2
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πŸ‘€︎ u/51MOE
πŸ“…︎ Jun 07 2018
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Talking to my son about how to fight a Grizzly

"There's no way you could take down a grizzly, they're too big." "Sure there is, I could do it with my bear hands." rolls eyes

πŸ‘︎ 21
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πŸ‘€︎ u/mstell77
πŸ“…︎ Jul 29 2016
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Probably a repost...but a bear walks into a bar...

...he sits down on a stool, flags the bartender and says: 'may I please have...........a beer?'

The bartender says, 'sure...but what's with the big pause?'

The bear lifts his hands and says, 'I don't know, I've had 'em since I was a cub.'

πŸ‘︎ 14
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πŸ‘€︎ u/pure_blazin
πŸ“…︎ Nov 07 2014
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Went to see The Revenant tonight with my buddy

Made the comment after the movie that it was 'grizzly'. Followed it up by saying I 'bearly' made it thru the movie. I then apologized for the 'big paws' between my jokes.

There were audible groans by the couple walking out in front of us.

πŸ‘︎ 6
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ“…︎ Jan 10 2016
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A Polar Bear Walks Into a Bar...

My Dad's favorite joke:

A polar bear walks into a bar and sits on a stool. The barkeep asks him, "What'll it be?" The polar bear says, "I'll have a scotch......................... and a bourbon" The barkeep asks, "what's with the big pause?" The polar bear answers, "I was born with them!"

[cue groan track]

πŸ‘︎ 18
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πŸ‘€︎ u/UnicornRancher
πŸ“…︎ Dec 03 2013
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Spending lots of time with my dad cleaning up around my new farm house...

We've been burning a lot of junk wood and had a huge pile of ashes. (Works better when you imagine it spoken out loud)

Me: What am I supposed to do with all these ashes?

Dad: Use them to catch a bear!

Me: what?

Dad: Well, you dig a big hole and put all the ashes in the bottom. Then you line the hole with peas. When the bear reaches for the peas, you kick him in the ash hole!

I told him his dad jokes are getting better.

πŸ‘︎ 8
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Metalhead2881
πŸ“…︎ Oct 26 2014
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Suit

Me and a friend had somehow gotten the bear in the big blue house goodbye song stuck in our heads.

I go to look up the official version and this transpires:

Friend:So is that just a guy in a suit?

Me: No, it's a guy in a BEAR suit.

πŸ‘︎ 3
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πŸ‘€︎ u/forcefx
πŸ“…︎ Feb 11 2015
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The big bad wolf converted to Buddhism and there was finally peace in the forest. But suddenly, the air was filled with screams of terror! A bear asked the animals running past him, "What's happening now?"

"The big bad wolf!" a goat shouted. "Is meditating!"

"So? Isn't that a good thing? questioned the bear.

"Noooo!" the goat bleated. "It's become aware wolf!"

πŸ‘︎ 33
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/honolulu_oahu_mod
πŸ“…︎ Oct 23 2019
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A bear walks into a bar and says, "Give me a rum..............and coke."

"Why the big pause?" asks the bartender. The bear shrugged, "I'm not sure, I was born with them"

πŸ‘︎ 228
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πŸ‘€︎ u/smarzz
πŸ“…︎ Nov 13 2020
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A bear walks into a bar

He orders a large coke......... and a rum. The Bartender says, β€œhey, why the big pause”. The bear says β€œI don’t know, I was born with them”

πŸ‘︎ 12
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Trexinator1
πŸ“…︎ Nov 29 2020
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Bear walks into a bar and says to the bartender: "One whiskey and ................... one coke.

"Why the big pause?" - says the bartender.

"I don't know. I was born with them" - says the bear.

πŸ‘︎ 965
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πŸ‘€︎ u/woodybg
πŸ“…︎ Mar 25 2020
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A bear walks into a bar..

He walks up to the bartender and says "Can I get a...................beer?" Bartender says "Why the big pause?" Bear responds "idk man I was born with them"

πŸ‘︎ 2k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/idiesoonpls
πŸ“…︎ Jun 30 2019
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A bear walks into a bar.

He says: I’ll have two pints of beer and... A whiskey please. The bartender asks: β€œWhy the big pause?” To which the bear replies: β€œI was just born with them.”

πŸ‘︎ 11
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Oheligud
πŸ“…︎ Apr 06 2020
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A bear walks into a bar and says β€žGive me a whiskey and... cola.β€œ

Bartender: β€žWhy the big pause?β€œ Bear: β€žIβ€˜m not sure... I was born with them.β€œ

πŸ‘︎ 76
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πŸ‘€︎ u/joe_dsr
πŸ“…︎ Sep 02 2019
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A grizzly bear walks into a bar

He sits down at the bar and says β€œBartender i’d like a whiskey........................and coke”

β€œSure thing” says the bartender β€œbut, why the big pause”?

The bear puts his paws in the air and says β€œoh, I’ve had these all my life”.

πŸ‘︎ 6
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πŸ‘€︎ u/plmcalli
πŸ“…︎ Mar 26 2020
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A bear walks into a bar.....

and says "let me get uhhhhh.."

"Uhmmm?"

"A beer"

Bartender says, "sure but what's with the big pause?"

Bear says, "I was born with them"

πŸ‘︎ 870
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πŸ‘€︎ u/farhantsb
πŸ“…︎ Aug 12 2018
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A polar bear walks into a bar.

He goes up to the bartender and says:

"I'll have a gin and...................tonic"

The bartender says:

"Why the big pause?"

The polar bear replies:

"I don't know, I was born with them."

πŸ‘︎ 26
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πŸ‘€︎ u/RageMonster17
πŸ“…︎ Apr 16 2019
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A bear walks into a bar

He walks up to the bartender who asks him what he wants.

I'll take a nice cold ......................... beer.

The bartender says "Sure thing but what's with the big pause?"

"Im a bear."

πŸ‘︎ 22
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πŸ‘€︎ u/TheKaiminator
πŸ“…︎ Sep 06 2018
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How do you catch a polar bear?

Cut a big hole in the ice, and put peas around it. When the bear comes to take a pea, kick him in the ice hole.

πŸ‘︎ 15
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πŸ‘€︎ u/hunterensign
πŸ“…︎ Jun 17 2018
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Do you know how to catch a polar bear?

Well first, you need a can of peas and a saw. Next, you take that saw and cut a big hole in the ice. Take that can of peas and put peas all around the hole and wait. When the bear comes to take a pea, you kick him in the ice hole.

πŸ‘︎ 3
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ“…︎ Jan 23 2019
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Big Paws

A bear walks into a restaurant and the waiter asks "what can I get ya?" The bear says, "I'll have the…............................. Mac and cheese" Waiter asks, "Why the big pause?" Bear says, "Well, I'm a bear!"

πŸ‘︎ 5
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/simba_sings_opera
πŸ“…︎ Oct 16 2018
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A bear walks into a restaurant ...

He says, "I want a griiillllled....... cheese."

The waiter says, "Ok but, what's with the big pause?"

And the bear says, "What do you mean? I'm a bear!"

πŸ‘︎ 5
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πŸ‘€︎ u/wheezy360
πŸ“…︎ Jan 26 2017
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So a polar bear walks into a bar...

and says, "I'll have a gin and............................tonic please." The barkeep says "what's with the big pause?" The polar bear replies, "I don't know, my dad had them too!"

πŸ‘︎ 7
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πŸ‘€︎ u/EdgArmstrong
πŸ“…︎ Jul 15 2013
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