Y’all need better puns

I come to this subreddit everyday to get my fill of home baked dad jokes and some of these jokes are slackin. Let alone that most of them are puns!

I’ve already read ten puns today hoping that at least one of them would make me laugh but no pun in ten did!

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Pozd5995
πŸ“…︎ Jan 02 2021
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What could be a better pun? Good post u/TwoCrossbows on r/memes.
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πŸ‘€︎ u/hxsfox
πŸ“…︎ Feb 01 2019
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This is my peak I will never come up with a better pun
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Hamza91001
πŸ“…︎ Aug 30 2019
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I challenge you to think of a better pun for this photo i.reddituploads.com/e0f56…
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πŸ‘€︎ u/115_zombie_slayer
πŸ“…︎ Jul 26 2016
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I Gouda found a better pun, but I Havarti posted this one. imgur.com/tZHO3Ka
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πŸ‘€︎ u/ffiluacmetak
πŸ“…︎ Apr 04 2015
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Puns of Varying Quality on the Subject of Linguistics (created in a fit of procrastinative inspiration) some of which I thought someone, someday might appreciate.

Note: Quality Very Varying (I see what I did there) and sometimes subject to specialist knowledge. So I apologise in advance. Shame me with your better puns.

While I was languishing in the Language Centre, doing some semantics antics and considering how all the other linguistics students despised and derided me, I was accosted by a stout man with large glasses who made me a preposition. It was that I should collect terrible puns, to do with linguistics, in order to ingratiate myself yet further with the other linguistics students (including even the phonetics fanatics).

I'm struggling to think of a pun to do with grammaticality that both makes sense and "Is grandma tickly?" correct. I'm also stuck on 'morphologician'. (I'm not actually sure that's a particularly logical word for the subject, though I guess that's more for, er, more for a logician to worry about.)

The problem I have with writing about phonological variation is that one is constantly forced to choose between being fun or logical - very Asian!I always get in trouble with electricians, they think I'm calling them a 'dialectician' whereas in fact I'm just saying "Die, electrician."

I like pscycholinguistics – the only department of linguistics where it’s acceptable to wear a cycle helmet. My Australian accent is terrible but I like to think my Sath Efrican one is predicate. My favourite accent is Received Pronunciation, because it is the accent chiefly used by invisible Japanese people who are ordered online. When the first recipient of an invisible Japanese person got the parcel, they wrote a complaint saying "Received but can't see Asian" and the name stuck.

Why did the speakers whose native languages weren't English, but whose only shared language was English, but they weren't very good at it and kept on having to stop to think about it, stop talking to one another? They came to an agreement. (Get it? If not, write your answer on a pastecard and paste it to the below address.)

What did the 'a' say to the 'the'? "You definitely are ticklish, 'the'!"

Why was the small man eaten by the large bear, which was proportionately bigger than him? It had, er, relative claws.

I think the reason there are so many speakers of Russian is because they all partake in an activity called "copulae shun". (Ok, ok, I know, that was Pushkin it.)

I know a man called Hillary who can, might, should, did, must, shall and will ride an ox. We call him "Ox Hillary".

I always think the verb 'to be' in the senten

... keep reading on reddit ➑

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πŸ‘€︎ u/kieuk
πŸ“…︎ Nov 28 2011
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This I getting better hahaha
πŸ‘︎ 7k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/nis_sama
πŸ“…︎ Apr 10 2021
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Lighter is better
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πŸ‘€︎ u/AligatorKS
πŸ“…︎ Jan 27 2021
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Some people think Steve jobs would be a better president than Donald Trump

But you can't really compare apples to oranges.

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πŸ“…︎ Mar 18 2021
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I'm trying to get better at making jokes from blending words together, but all my attempts turn out bad

Despite all my effort, I can't produce more than a poormansteau at best

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πŸ‘€︎ u/gramineous
πŸ“…︎ Mar 23 2021
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Someone told me that my chicken recipe needs better seasoning.

So I’ve decided to wait until next summer to cook it again.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/7reddituser
πŸ“…︎ Apr 02 2021
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Dud you know Astronauts said steaks are better in space?

They're a little meteor.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/noapostrophe555
πŸ“…︎ Jan 11 2021
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There is only one other pun better than this one....

A man's farts once began sounding like the word "honda."

US Doctors were no help for the man.

Finally a Japanese Doctor took his case & sent for the man to come to Japan.

The man flew to Japan and after a short examination the Doctor said to him, "you have abscess tooth."

"An abscess tooth?" the man asked.

"Yes," replied the doctor "abscess make the fart go Honda."

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πŸ‘€︎ u/VernonnonreV
πŸ“…︎ Mar 09 2021
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been an hour, either blew her Sock-rates off or id better Apollo-gize
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Dekugaming
πŸ“…︎ Mar 12 2021
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I went into the kitchen this morning and there was a "Get better soon" card on the table for me. I called out to my wife asking what it was for because I wasn't sick.

She shouted back from the other room "It's an ultimatum."

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πŸ“…︎ Mar 19 2021
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Trying to figure out which picture is better of my son.

I have one without a filter and one with a filter https://imgur.com/BCc6kx4.jpg

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πŸ‘€︎ u/kornykory
πŸ“…︎ Feb 10 2021
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Still better than an Immature Evacuation
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πŸ‘€︎ u/imperfectshane
πŸ“…︎ Feb 24 2021
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What do you call a guy who has better than 20/20 vision?

Seymour.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/PoopsMcWillie
πŸ“…︎ Apr 01 2021
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Two thistles are arguing over who has the better yard The one turns to the other and says "your dirt is way too loose, man, look" and yanks him up and out of the ground Second thistle looks up at the first and goes

"I artichoke you for that"

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πŸ“…︎ Mar 25 2021
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Why is it better to place the adhesive side of tape to each other?

Because tapes strong together.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/PetGiraffe
πŸ“…︎ Mar 29 2021
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I told my dad that Derren Brown looks better without hair

He said "That's a bald claim"

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πŸ‘€︎ u/robjzh5
πŸ“…︎ Mar 22 2021
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Why are the prisons in Conneticut generally better?

Because they have con etiquette.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/DMI13th
πŸ“…︎ Feb 19 2021
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I ordered a Caesar salad from the restaurant for lunch today.

They absolutely killed it.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/zion2199
πŸ“…︎ Mar 15 2021
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Why is it better to screw up on a road you paved than on one someone else paved?

Because it's your own asphalt.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/VBStrong_67
πŸ“…︎ Feb 25 2021
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"Amanda Laurie-Anne"? You can do better than that...
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πŸ‘€︎ u/MyLatestInvention
πŸ“…︎ Jan 19 2021
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What’s better than a Dad bod?

A father figure.

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πŸ“…︎ Jul 10 2020
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My left nut thinks it's much better than my right nut...

He can be very egotesticle.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/VERBERD
πŸ“…︎ Jan 27 2021
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Better call the plumber
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πŸ‘€︎ u/loot98
πŸ“…︎ Dec 03 2020
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Can someone recommend a better way of de-icing my windshield?

I used a discount card but I only got 20% off.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/pcwehner
πŸ“…︎ Feb 22 2021
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We couldn’t have written this joke any better. /r/AskReddit/comments/kxb…
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πŸ‘€︎ u/ENTJohn
πŸ“…︎ Jan 14 2021
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What’s better than pain?

Pain au chocolat

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πŸ‘€︎ u/BaconCaviar
πŸ“…︎ Jan 20 2021
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The creator of the knock-knock joke should get a Nobel prize

.....get it no bell 🀣

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Ambitious_orphan
πŸ“…︎ Feb 27 2021
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Why did the smaller dog have a better bark than the bigger dog?

Cause he was a sub woofer!

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πŸ‘€︎ u/RangaRedRascal
πŸ“…︎ Feb 06 2021
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Would better fit here, original post: https://www.reddit.com/r/memes/comments/kq35tq/shitpost_because_its_3_am_and_i_should_be_sleeping/?utm_medium=android_app&utm_source=share
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πŸ‘€︎ u/LatcuTM
πŸ“…︎ Jan 05 2021
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Better treat it gingerly!
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Couldbeurmom
πŸ“…︎ Dec 15 2020
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Would better fit here, [original post](https://www.reddit.com/r/memes/comments/kq35tq/shitpost_because_its_3_am_and_i_should_be_sleeping/?utm_medium=android_app&utm_source=share)
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πŸ‘€︎ u/LatcuTM
πŸ“…︎ Jan 04 2021
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I had pain my knees, but with the help of my doctor, I feel better.

It was a joint effort.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/refward
πŸ“…︎ Feb 02 2021
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And just like that, 2020 won. Better start trainimg for the rematch in 12 months...it will be 2020 two.
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πŸ‘€︎ u/squarepeg101
πŸ“…︎ Jan 01 2021
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2021 better be amazing...

because after that is 2020 too.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/fonebone45
πŸ“…︎ Jan 03 2021
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I know Reddit has servers that all of our jokes are stored in, but I’ve come up with a better solution

I call it a Dad-a-Base

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πŸ‘€︎ u/themeatspin
πŸ“…︎ Jan 01 2021
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My wife accused me of hating her family and relatives

I replied, no, I don't hate your relatives. In fact, I like your mother-in-law a lot better than I like mine.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/VVIIVVI
πŸ“…︎ Feb 13 2021
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My wife told me, "You're a better husband than I'll ever be."

I responded, "Who the hell is Oliver B.??"

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πŸ‘€︎ u/jakeinator21
πŸ“…︎ Sep 07 2020
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My girlfriend said that quilts are better than duvets..

I told her she should be careful making blanket statements like that.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/AhSparaGus
πŸ“…︎ Jun 13 2020
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Why is the Justice League better than the Avengers?

It's Marvel-less

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πŸ‘€︎ u/ggd_x
πŸ“…︎ Jan 20 2021
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