What kind of belly button does a car have?

an Audi

πŸ‘︎ 38
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ“…︎ Oct 02 2020
🚨︎ report
What did the police officer tell his belly button?

YOU'RE UNDER A VEST!

πŸ‘︎ 13
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/ShiverMeeTimberz
πŸ“…︎ Oct 15 2020
🚨︎ report
What did the policeman say to his belly button?

You are underAvest!

πŸ‘︎ 21
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/spacemanwho
πŸ“…︎ Oct 06 2020
🚨︎ report
What military branch is an expert on belly buttons?

The Naval Corps.

πŸ‘︎ 3
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ“…︎ Oct 23 2020
🚨︎ report
My cat likes to squish his feet on my belly.

Sometimes it's just nice to be kneaded.

πŸ‘︎ 16
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/gimme_them_cheese
πŸ“…︎ Jul 17 2020
🚨︎ report
I think I have intestinal worms.

I don’t know why though, it’s just a gut feeling.

πŸ‘︎ 12
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ“…︎ Jan 04 2021
🚨︎ report
My 4 year old just told her first dad joke, and I've never been more proud.

My pregnant wife is wearing a white shirt that has a pumpkin painted over her belly, for Halloween. We are having another little girl, and have set on the name Ellie.

My daughter comes home, and is greeted by my wife.

4yo: "I like your shirt mama!

Wife: "Aww thank you! Do you like my pumpkin belly?

4yo: "...I like your pumpkin Ellie!"

πŸ‘︎ 869
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Shade0217
πŸ“…︎ Oct 31 2020
🚨︎ report
My wife: for 7 months pregnant my belly looks small

Me, an intellectual: Yeah! Not as apparent.

P.S. Happened for real. She laughed and playfully hit me for pulling such a sneaky on her.

πŸ‘︎ 6
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/math-pro
πŸ“…︎ May 26 2020
🚨︎ report
Why did the belly dancer quit her job?

Because she hated waisting time

πŸ‘︎ 3
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/ADTO97
πŸ“…︎ Apr 23 2020
🚨︎ report
Me to my daughter in regards to the gyms closing: "Guess I won't be flattening this curve." (As I pat my belly)

She rolled her eyes and sighed.

πŸ‘︎ 7
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Batchet
πŸ“…︎ Mar 24 2020
🚨︎ report
What kind of school do belly buttons go to?

Navel academies.

πŸ‘︎ 64
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/lg_3000
πŸ“…︎ Oct 11 2019
🚨︎ report
Beer Bellies for sale
πŸ‘︎ 6
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/LuckyC4t
πŸ“…︎ Jan 10 2020
🚨︎ report
I’m not Catholic...

...but I gave up picking my belly button for lint.

(emo philips)

πŸ‘︎ 7
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/mjg580
πŸ“…︎ Dec 11 2020
🚨︎ report
If my car had a belly button

do you think it would have an innie or an Audi?

πŸ‘︎ 5
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/measurebeyondwit
πŸ“…︎ Mar 11 2020
🚨︎ report
A man named Dave. Long joke!

A man named Dave comes home very drunk late at night...

So this guy has been drinking with his buddies all night and he's as drunk as a skunk, gets home, falls up the stairs, undresses and goes to bed next to his wife. He falls asleep and next thing he knows, bang, he dies and finds himself waiting at the pearly gates.

The guy refuses to believe this is happening, he says to St. Peter: "This can't be possible, I'm a healthy man! This is not the way I die. You have to let me return down there!"
The guy can see St. Peter looks like he's feeling sorry for him, but he tells him that unfortunately, there's no policy for allowing people back on Earth. The guy insists: "But come on, there's got to be something you can do! I'll put up with anything, really, as long as you let me go back down."
So St. Peters tells him: "Well really, there's just this one possibility: you can go back, but only as a hen. That's the only thing we can allow." The guy guesses that this really is his only chance, so he agrees reluctantly.
So he's back on Earth in this beautiful chicken coop, the sun is shining, there's green grass everywhere, this is hen paradise. The other hens greet him with delight and he tells them his story, everything goes nicely. But then he feels kind of unwell, there's something wrong with his stomach. He asks this old hen: "Tell me, I've got this weird feeling in my belly, I'm not too well. What is happening to me?"

The old hen: "Well dearie, we hens lay eggs, you know. I bet you've never laid a nice egg before... You need to push it out now, and you'll feel much better after!"
So the guy pushes and pushes, and wham, out pops his first egg. The old hen congratulates him and he feels much better. But not 5 minutes later, his pain comes back. He returns to the old hen for advice.

"Well dearie, it's quite special but it happens that you need to lay TWO eggs, so go back there and keep pushing!"
So he goes back to his nest and pushes, and nothing comes, and he pushes harder, and wham, out comes his second egg! He feels much better, but not 2 minutes later, you guessed it, he's back in terrible pain and goes to see the old hen.

"What's this bullshit here, and don't tell me I've got a third egg to lay!" The old hen can't make head or tail of it and just tells him that when in doubt, he should be pushing. So the guy goes back to work and then, wham, his wife wakes him up with this smashing slap in the face and yells: "*Dave! Dave wake up you’re

... keep reading on reddit ➑

πŸ‘︎ 11
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/kmaff90
πŸ“…︎ Nov 12 2020
🚨︎ report
Obituary for the Pillsbury Dough Boy, Pop N Fresh

The Pillsbury Doughboy, remembered best as "Pop N Serve", and/or "Pop N Fresh", died yesterday of a severe yeast infection and trauma complications from repeated pokes in the belly. He was 71.

Doughboy will be buried in this lightly greased coffin.

Dozens of celebrities will turn out to pay their respects, including Mrs. Butterworth, Hungry Jack, the California Raisins, Betty Crocker, the Hostess Twinkies, and Captain Crunch.

The grave site is expected to be piled high with flours.

Aunt Jemima will deliver the eulogy and lovingly describe Doughboy as "a man who never knew how much he was kneaded".

Doughboy rose quickly in show business, but his later life was filled with turnovers.. He was considered a very smart cookie, but wasted much of his dough on half-baked schemes.

Despite being a little flaky at times, he still was a crusty old man and was considered a positive roll model for millions.

Doughboy is survived by his wife, Play dough, three children: John Dough, Jane Dough and Dosey Dough, plus they had one in the oven. He is also survived by his elderly father, Pop tart.

The funeral will be held at 3:50 for about 20 minutes.

πŸ‘︎ 6
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Eyes_and_teeth
πŸ“…︎ Oct 18 2020
🚨︎ report
My town always holds a contest to see which beer drinker's belly is biggest by seeing how far it goes past a line...

That's the paunch-line.

πŸ‘︎ 4
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/thomasbrakeline
πŸ“…︎ Oct 24 2019
🚨︎ report
Native Australians were the first to develop the six pack muscle in their belly.

Ab originals.

πŸ‘︎ 102
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/sodomicity
πŸ“…︎ Dec 30 2018
🚨︎ report
My pork belly on the stove caught on fire and my wife put it out.

She really saved my bacon.

πŸ‘︎ 9
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Burninator1
πŸ“…︎ Sep 05 2019
🚨︎ report
What’s it called when a red belly bird goes to a cemetery?

Grave robin

πŸ‘︎ 4
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Mscoobs
πŸ“…︎ Aug 05 2019
🚨︎ report
I think this year, I’m going to give my belly button up for lint.
πŸ‘︎ 5
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/yags2002
πŸ“…︎ Mar 06 2019
🚨︎ report
A man goes to the doctor and says: β€œDoctor I swallowed a key. Can you please get it out of my belly?”

The doctor asks: β€œWhen did you swallow it?”

β€œAbout 3 years ago.”

β€œReally? Why are you coming this late?!”

β€œWell… I lost my spare key.”

πŸ‘︎ 7
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/C0untdown
πŸ“…︎ Jun 24 2019
🚨︎ report
My daughter inadvertantly came up with this one today:

I was putting spray-on sunscreen onto my (not slim) belly and my daughter, seeing the can and not remembering the correct word said, "hey, it's just like grafatty!). I couldn't stop laughing for a solid 5 minutes. I will never be able to put sunscreen on without thinking of that again.

πŸ‘︎ 14
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/rethinkthegrid
πŸ“…︎ Aug 04 2020
🚨︎ report
My wife is weeks pregnant. Lately the position of the baby has been hurting her tail bone. I had my face down by the belly, and my wife told me to talk to it. β€œQuit hurting your mother.” I said β€œ You’re grounded!”

β€œGo to your womb!”

πŸ‘︎ 32
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/thor_loop
πŸ“…︎ Dec 15 2018
🚨︎ report
I have this recurring dream that E.T. tackles me, puts grey tape on my belly, and runs away.

I keep getting ab-duct-taped by aliens.

πŸ‘︎ 32
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/porichoygupto
πŸ“…︎ Jun 21 2018
🚨︎ report
Looks like someone's working his ass off
πŸ‘︎ 2k
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/applicantx
πŸ“…︎ May 17 2019
🚨︎ report
What do you call a bunch of ships made of belly button lint? [x-post /r/jokes]

A naval naval fleet.

πŸ‘︎ 2
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/InfiniteCows
πŸ“…︎ Nov 17 2017
🚨︎ report
I need to quit smoking weed. I keep getting the munchies. I think I’m starting to get a pot-belly.
πŸ‘︎ 9
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/basketofgravy
πŸ“…︎ Dec 02 2018
🚨︎ report
What would you call a race of seafaring belly buttons

A naval fleet.

πŸ‘︎ 2
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/MrTryhardington
πŸ“…︎ Jul 14 2018
🚨︎ report
What do you call a fight where you're only allowed to belly bump?

A naval battle

πŸ‘︎ 38
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Shitty_Orangutan
πŸ“…︎ Nov 08 2017
🚨︎ report
Did you hear why the giant baby left his mother's belly?

There wasn't enough womb

πŸ‘︎ 11
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/amp93
πŸ“…︎ Nov 08 2018
🚨︎ report
I recently found out the medical name for Viagra

Mycoxaflopin

πŸ‘︎ 127
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/jarl_draven
πŸ“…︎ Jan 02 2020
🚨︎ report
What do you call belly buttons fighting each other?

Navel Warfare

πŸ‘︎ 33
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/MichaelScott315
πŸ“…︎ Aug 08 2017
🚨︎ report
Today, I saw a young lady with a huge beer belly. It was so unusual I had to point it out to my wife. The young lady caught me making a joke...

She gave me a mean look and said β€œI’M PREGNANT!”

And I said β€œShame on you! You shouldn’t drink so much, you’ll hurt the baby!”

πŸ‘︎ 3
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/CarsonFoles
πŸ“…︎ Dec 13 2017
🚨︎ report
Confucius say, "Man with large beer belly

have perpetual hangover."

πŸ‘︎ 2
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/dunn_with_this
πŸ“…︎ Jan 28 2018
🚨︎ report
Where do belly buttons go to college

Naval Academy

πŸ‘︎ 10
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/SoDakZak
πŸ“…︎ Jul 05 2017
🚨︎ report
What do you call someone who sells noodles for money?

A pasta-tute

πŸ‘︎ 123
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/kubricks_cube
πŸ“…︎ Aug 28 2019
🚨︎ report
After nearly three weeks of trying, my wife finally told me, β€œI’m pregnant!”

She really has the worst stutter ever.

πŸ‘︎ 2k
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/porichoygupto
πŸ“…︎ Dec 25 2018
🚨︎ report
What did the officer say to his belly button?

You’re under a vest!

πŸ‘︎ 2k
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/UhHowAboutN0
πŸ“…︎ Jan 12 2020
🚨︎ report
What did the cop say to his belly?

You're under a vest

πŸ‘︎ 19
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/td941
πŸ“…︎ Apr 18 2020
🚨︎ report
What did the police man say to this belly button?

"You're under a vest!"

πŸ‘︎ 45
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/NedDeadStark
πŸ“…︎ Mar 18 2020
🚨︎ report
What did the police officer say to his belly button?

You’re under a vest!

πŸ‘︎ 10
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ“…︎ Apr 28 2020
🚨︎ report
What did the police officer say to his belly button?

You’re under a vest!

πŸ‘︎ 30
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/JBaczuk
πŸ“…︎ Feb 09 2020
🚨︎ report
What'd the cop say to his belly button?

You're under a vest!

πŸ‘︎ 4
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/ThisIsAron
πŸ“…︎ Nov 20 2019
🚨︎ report
What did the policeman say to his belly button?

You’re under a vest!

πŸ‘︎ 24
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/CdotBigz
πŸ“…︎ May 08 2019
🚨︎ report

Please note that this site uses cookies to personalise content and adverts, to provide social media features, and to analyse web traffic. Click here for more information.