Beer Mug Puns

Me: Well, that’s your Uncle Frank. That’s where he wanted his remains. It was his favorite beer stein. He always said it would be funny. Never understood why.

Son: Maybe it’s so he could be Frank in Stein

Me: That son of a bitch!

His name: Dr. Frank's-in-stein.

"Sure, its a Franken-Stein."

A Christmas Poem
by Dad (1952–2009)

'Twas the night before Christmas and all through the shack,
Not a creature was stirring, we was all in the sack;

Our mugs were placed on the mantle with cheer,
In hope that Saint Nick would bring us a beer;

And me I was tucked up all snug in my bed,
But strains of sweet music still danced through my head;

So I sprang from my bed with a crash and a clatter,
And off down the hall with bare feet did I patter;

There on the chair sat my musical pipe,
So I sat down to play without fanfare or hype;

Come Mozart, come Hayden, Stravinski and Strauss,
And write me some music to bring down the house;

When down from the chimney appeared with a crash,
A strange little man in the smoke and the ash;

He wiggled and jumped and got up like a shot,
Came over and said, "Man those cinders are hot!";

His stomach it shook like a bowl full of jelly,
For a moment I thought it was dear old aunt Nelly;

His nose like a cherry, his ears like two jugs,
I was worried that this guy just might be on drugs;

His language was foul, his jokes they were crass,
So I opened the door and threw him out on his ass;

But then as I turned, boy was I ever surprised;
I saw what he'd bought me, or so I surmised;

For there in the corner right under the tree,
Was some brand new sheet music and a case of O.V.;

I turned to say thank-you but found he had gone,
He was not in the garden and not on the lawn;

And just when I thought that he couldn't get far,
I realized the old goat had stolen the car;

Off in the distance he said with a wheeze,
"I hated to do it but you left me the keys!";

I smiled and laughed for this much I could savour,
For I'd just sold the car to my idiot neighbour;

And once more he called as he drove out of sight,
"Merry Christmas to all, and don't drive when you're tight!"

Thank you for everything, Dad. We love and miss you.

He tells the bartender to place a beer mug all the way across the bar and bets him $1000 that he can stand up and piss in the mug without getting a drop of pee anywhere else in or on the bar. The bartender takes the bet. The guy stands up and starts to pee. He pees all over the bartender and the bar and doesn't even get a drop in the mug across the bar. The bartender says "HAHA! You owe me a thousand bucks, you didn't even get a drop of piss in that mug". The guy says "that's ok, I bet those 2 guys across the bar $2000 that I could piss all over you and this bar and that you would be happy about it"

Son: What's in that fancy beer mug in the mantel?

Me: Well, that's your Uncle Frank. That's where he wanted his remains. It was his favorite beer stein. He always said it would be funny. Never got why

Son: Maybe it's so he could be Frank in Stein?

Me: That SON OF A BITCH!