Bailing Puns

It's called playing the 'Get out of jail Brie card'

He's not a flight risk.

He wasn't a flight risk.

Ab-scone-ded.

Police say he will be bailed out tomorrow.

Christian Bale

Christian Bale

The prosecution said he was a flight risk.

I'm so flaky.

Because he posed a significant flight risk!

They're not even flight risks...

...he told them it was too big to fail.

My dad, ladies and gentlemen -- he'll be here all week! Tip your waiter, try the beef.

Me: "This next song was written for two people, but since my partner couldn't make it I'll just have to duet alone."

Crowd: collective groan

The entire crowd rolled their eyes together, but at least I played well!

We were heading to dinner and driving past a farm (with hay bails) since we are meeting people there my friends dad says.

"Do you think they're going to bail on us?"

Then proceeds to smile and wait for us to laugh.

As soon as it started leaking, he skipped bail.

I used to have a crew cut, but then the crew bailed out.

Apparently he's a quackhead.

I tried to bail him out, they wouldn't let me. Said he was a flight risk.

Christian Bail

I grew up in Vermont. Around my town were plenty of dairy farms, inviting the always wonderful manure aroma. An aroma that nearly forced my father to inhale deeply through his nose, saying, "Ah, fresh Vermont air!"

That's an excellent Dad one liner, as are most dad jokes, but he had another great one that I'm getting to.

You see, the hay bails we saw growing up in Vermont were mostly the cube variety. Hay bailing technology at the time created cubes of hay, so that's what dotted the fields they'd graze in.

As we grew older, we starting noticing the now more common round bails of hay. Dad was not pleased.

I asked him what the problem was or, at least, what his problem was with the round bails. The best jokes are set up when you ask for them.

So, he tells me. New farming technology allowed the round bails to be created more efficiently. They used less fuel in the bailers, took less passes on the field to gather the hay. They used less twine, and even though they didn't fill a truck as well as square bails, there was still a net monetary gain from the efficiency gained elsewhere.

However, studies were done on the bails. The cows approached them differently due to the different alignment of surface area. The way the rain hit the bails and rolled off as opposed to soaking in leached nutrients out of the hay. Some cows even mistook the shape of bail for another animal, and approached them so nervously that their heart rates were known to raise significantly; such a rate that a tinge of acidity could be tasted by those in the know in their milk.

What all of this amounted to... is that with the new round bails of hay, the cows just weren't getting a good square meal.

I didn’t want to so I bailed

He was Saved by the Bail.

We pass a farm and my dad says:

Dad: hey did you know the FDA is banning those round bails of hey!

Me: No! What? Why? (I was legitimately concerned)

Dad: Yeah! Apparently cows weren't getting a square meal....

Me: ...sighs

Driving in a car
Me: HEY! </points out window>
Her: What??
Her: </Notices bails of hay on side of road>
Me: </Laughs ass off>
Her: I hate you

It appears cows aren't getting a square meal.

Christian Bail

It’s because the cows weren’t getting a square meal.

Christian Bail.

Christian Bail

Christian Bail

Christian Bale

Christian Bail

Christian Bail

Christian bail

Christian bail.

Christian Bail

Christian Bail .

What do you call it when Batman skips church ?

Christian bail.