Probably name my kid Luke so I can remind him who I am for the rest of eternity.
But actually they prefer the arrrrrrrrmy.
because it's a late-text (latex)
Though I guess that's just a generalization.
You suppose something to be the case, without proof.
Because our family reunion was in April.
I guess it’s not for me to say
Ricist
http://www.thedenverchannel.com/news/front-range/arvada/arvada-man-knocked-out-by-lightning-while-videotaping-monday-nights-storm-from-inside-his-garage (video autoplays)
>His daughter Ileah heard the crash, ran over, and found her dad convulsing on the floor.
>"At first I thought he was joking, because that's the kind of person my dad is..."
Doctor Grant would have been proud. https://gs1.wac.edgecastcdn.net/8019B6/data.tumblr.com/a6a9170d54b98df4d8ef9f4f9c39b2ae/tumblr_inline_mlme68KRS11qz4rgp.gif
A radius.
I mean, I only told him I woke up with a little coffee.
Daddy, you're sad because it's SADurday.
I was so proud.
So people would assume we had a fairly large fan base
He says, “uno, dos..” and then POOF he disappeared without a tres…
He pointed outside and said "The ATM machine. "
... when he noticed that every shoot growing put of the ground was a four leaf shamrock. There were millions of them, spread out along both banks.
Being superstitious, the man assumed the place must be somehow imbued with an extraordinary amount of luck.
He sought out the owner of the land, and promptly bought it, spending everything he had to do so.
His plan was to build a small house at the site and thereby ensure he would be surrounded by good fortune for the rest of his life.
Sadly, while lifting smooth river stones to create the foundation of his dream home, he slipped on some mud, hit his head on a stone, was knocked unconscious, tumbled into the water, and drowned.
This conclusively proved to the townsfolk, that the location was not lucky at all.
The moral of this story?
Don't judge a brook by it's clover.
Now he can’t even look at himself in the mirror.
He just did and now we have like 40 viruses on our computer.
You may think it’s A minor offense, but the punishment could B major
Context: I'm in a DnD campaign, for fifth edition.
So basically, one of my characters told a horrible pun to a planetar (Massive angel-like being) over Sending (A spell letting you communicate over long distances). "Whaddya call a celestial who likes to fish? An angel-er." and then he got asked to put his journal in the box that suddenly appeared behind hm, He complied, and when he got it back his name was gone from the first page of the book, and there was a golden box, that read "Tell me what I've pun, wizard" So I'm assuming he needs to answer in some sort of pun related to his name, Klaus Hallowmantle.
However, my brain is smoother than... I can't think of anything to compare it to all of a sudden. Oh well. Anyone who can help me with this?
Soo.. a little background: my mother was about to visit for a walk outside the next day when this dialogue happened; also: my native language is german and i don't know if this very common in english as well, but my daughter calls my mother <stgm_at's-mother-first-name>-gramma. for the sake of this post let's assume her name is elizabeth.
so here goes...
(i enter the living room; wife & daughter sitting on the couch)
daughter: (in a moderately excited voice) hey dad, you know who's going to visit us tomorrow?
me: (acting as if i didn't know) don't know, who?
daughter: elizabeth-gramma.
me: huh, really, but do you know who is also going to visit us?
(daughter looks at me even more excited, there was defenitely a twinkle in her eye; wife looks at me sceptical)
daughter: don't know, who?
me: my mum.
(cue rolling eyes and groan from my wife and laughter from my daughter)
I asked two friends for the best pun Bond would utter if he'd just shoved a bad guy into a huge industrial deep-fat fryer. Their responses were:
Friend #1: "Play with fryer, get burnt.
(Isn't there an old saying of don't play with fire unless you want to get burnt?)"
Friend #2: "Why is my instinct to say cool off there?
Let's assume it's christmas. 'Thats a real Crisped Kringle' is what I'd say
Or do I know the guy's dad? Let's say I do. 'Youre a chip of the old block'"
I know, I need new friends. Do me a favour redditors and please tell me whose pun is least awful? And if you have any better ones, I'm all ears! (Mine was "Thank God it's fry day", I'm sure you can all do better).
He said, “Hey! How far do you think I can kick this bucket?”
Because 7 is a prime number and I assume they can be very intimidating
"I'm a CASSSHHHEWWWW!"
I'm currently on volume 5
He's great, as soon as I got home he made a bolt for the door.
I assume its because of all the dairy air.
Turns out that’s not what they meant when they called me un-savory.
The plot was a bit predictable
And a little flat!
Had good Special f(x) though
He's the new temp. Seems like a cool guy.
I sent him a “Get well soon” card
https://preview.redd.it/t38hnjzkpbm51.png?width=700&format=png&auto=webp&s=28434df6a6f812bf907f286d6f2eec8933feae24
The vegetable shop had to close down. Why? IT WAS FULL OF LEEKS
I would assume they only got halfway through the alphabet before falling asleep!
Ants are married to uncles.
The media are calling him the Om Nom Nom de Plume.
Then I got confused because I only saw questions about pi
