I just got thrown out of my local park for arranging the squirrels by height.
They didnβt like my critter sizing.
π︎ 1k
π
︎ Oct 05 2020
I told my wife Iβm going to arrange the herbs in alphabetical order from now on.
She said, βWhere would you find the time?β
I said, βEasy. Right next to the sage.β
π︎ 36
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︎ Dec 13 2020
During an autopsy, why are the heart, kidneys, liver and lungs arranged alphabetically?
π︎ 447
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︎ Sep 12 2020
When I play battleship I like to arrange my ships in the shape of states...
π︎ 5
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︎ Dec 09 2020
POV you're a vet trying to arrange a date with a patient
Vet: "are you picking up what I'm putting down"
π︎ 6
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︎ Dec 12 2020
My Caribbean mate never seems too bothered when we arrange to meet up;
I think he might be from the 'K Man' islands
π︎ 2
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︎ Dec 12 2020
My wife has this weird OCD where she arranges the dinner plates by the year they were bought.
It is an extremely rare dish order.
π︎ 63
π
︎ Sep 18 2020
I thought I won the argument with my wife as to how to arrange the dining room furniture...
But when I got home, the tables were turned...
π︎ 6k
π
︎ Oct 12 2019
I was thrown out of the local park for arranging the squirrels by height...
Apparently they just canβt take a little critter-sizing!
π︎ 24
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︎ Aug 21 2020
Local pasta maker has hired me as a consultant but they canβt pay me!
We have an arrangement though. Penne for my thoughts.
π︎ 9
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︎ Mar 30 2021
Me: What should we do about the sleeping arrangements during our holiday? Her: I was thinking of...
π︎ 10
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︎ Jan 02 2020
A large gathering of priests and nuns arranged themselves to form an image of Christ visible from space...
But it wasn't for altruism of course, they all stood to make an enormous prophet.
π︎ 8
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︎ Mar 23 2020
My mother has a beautifully arranged shell-f at her home.
π︎ 31
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︎ Jul 02 2019
Romantic flour arrangement
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︎ Feb 15 2019
How can you attract a wealthy, suburban dog lover?
π︎ 2
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︎ Feb 27 2021
Poirot arranged the murder suspects in a row in an old Roman town.
It was a Hercule line em up.
π︎ 2
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︎ Jul 21 2019
I met a Dutch guy with inflatable shoes the other day and arranged to have dinner with him
Unfortunately he popped his clogs
π︎ 2
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︎ Nov 22 2019
circles
An ant named seg is trying to reach its anthill
A girl tries to irritate it by putting a glass over it.
secant she how tangent is getting.
i guess it will diameter before it reaches its anthill.
it would be pretty sad for its family though, as segment a lot to them.
We could just say, it couldn't escape it's circle of life.
well, after his untimely death, his family has arranged a funeral for him and chordiallly invited all its relatives.
π︎ 4
π
︎ Jan 06 2021
Iβve spent the afternoon re-arranging the furniture in Draculaβs house.
I was doing a bit of Fang-Shui.
π︎ 7
π
︎ Jul 11 2019
Dating in Greece
What did Sophocles call his dating service in Ancient Greece?
Oedipal Arrangements.
π︎ 7
π
︎ Jan 10 2021
How do chemists arrange elements?
π︎ 9
π
︎ Dec 30 2018
I tried arranging a date with a girl at the gym
π︎ 16
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︎ Mar 14 2019
We recently hired a magician at the cemetery based on his response to how he could help combat the rising costs of burial arrangements.
π︎ 4
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︎ Apr 15 2019
Halloween party sleeping arrangements
The previous weekend my college age daughter told me she had slept in her car after a party.
This weekend:
Me (dad): so did you sleep in your car again?
College age daughter: No, we were a lot more comfortable than that. We slept indoors.
Me: Seems like a door would be a lot less comfortable than a car!
π︎ 1k
π
︎ Nov 04 2013
I arranged to have dinner with a cannibal, I was late.
He gave me the cold shoulder.
π︎ 13
π
︎ Sep 24 2018
What do you call wooden planks arranged in a circle?
π︎ 10
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︎ Dec 27 2017
If 1966 Adam West Batman worked for Zordon, he and Robin would be Pow! arrangers!
That's the whole thing, there. Biff! Bam! Pow!
π︎ 2
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︎ Mar 11 2017
I got thrown out of my local park after arranging the squirrels by height.....
They didnβt like me critter sizing.
π︎ 83
π
︎ Aug 27 2020
My wife has this weird OCD where she arranges the dinner plates by the year it was bought.
It's an extremely rare dish order.
π︎ 42
π
︎ Sep 22 2020
My wife has this weird OCD where she arranges the dinner plates by the year they were bought.
Itβs an extremely rare dish order.
π︎ 81
π
︎ Jun 03 2020
My wife has this weird OCD where she arranges the dinner plates by the year they were bought.
Itβs an extremely rare dish order.
π︎ 19k
π
︎ Apr 30 2019
I told my wife I was going to arrange the herbs in alphabetical order. She said "Where would you find the time ?"
I said, "Easy, right next to the sage"
π︎ 20
π
︎ Jul 22 2020
My wife has this weird OCD where she arranges the dinner plates by the year they were bought.
Itβs an extremely rare dish order.
π︎ 287
π
︎ Jan 27 2020
I told my wife, βIβm going to arrange the herbs in alphabetical order from now on.β
She said, βWhere would you find the time?β
I said, βThat should be easy. Next to the sage.β
π︎ 8k
π
︎ Dec 07 2018
I thought I won an argument with my wife on how to arrange the dining room furniture
But when I got home the tables were turned.
π︎ 17
π
︎ Jul 16 2020
I told my wife that Iβm going to arrange all the herbs in alphabetical order from now on.
She said, βWhere would you find the time?β
I said, βEasy. Right next to the sage.β
π︎ 30
π
︎ Apr 10 2020
I got thrown out of my local park after arranging the squirrels by height.
They didn't like me critter sizing.
π︎ 73
π
︎ Jan 20 2020
My wife has this weird OCD where she arranges the dinner plates by the year they were bought.
Itβs an extremely rare dish order.
π︎ 24
π
︎ Mar 30 2020
I thought I won the argument with my wife as to how to arrange the dining room furniture.
But when I got home, the tables were turned .
π︎ 4k
π
︎ Apr 21 2018
My wife has this weird OCD where she arranges the dinner plates by the date they were bought.
Itβs an extremely rare dish order.
π︎ 188
π
︎ Jan 23 2019
My wife has this weird OCD where she arranges the dinner plates in the order of the year they were bought.
Itβs an extremely rare dish order.
π︎ 6
π
︎ May 10 2019
I told my wife that I'm going to arrange the herbs in alphabetical order from now on. She asked, "Where will you find the time?"
I said, "Easy, right next to the sage"
π︎ 20
π
︎ Jan 23 2019
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