The other night, I had a dream about being chased by an armored horse.

It was a knight mare.

πŸ‘︎ 15
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πŸ‘€︎ u/EGOfoodie
πŸ“…︎ Apr 24 2020
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Daughter: "That armored truck looks like an ambulance."

Me: "That's because it transports money going through withdrawals."

She hated that one so much I nearly wept with joy.

πŸ‘︎ 212
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πŸ‘€︎ u/writenroll
πŸ“…︎ Oct 13 2018
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What do you call an armored animal who loves cheese?

A quesodillo.

πŸ‘︎ 7
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Mister-Bear
πŸ“…︎ Jul 05 2018
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What is the best armor for stealth?

Leather. It's made of hide.

πŸ‘︎ 744
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πŸ‘€︎ u/twilighttruth
πŸ“…︎ Dec 22 2020
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I'm not happy because I have to work at the museum tonight moving suits of armor.

I hate knight shifts.

πŸ‘︎ 32
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πŸ‘€︎ u/uhavethebiggay
πŸ“…︎ Sep 21 2020
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I just wanted to be her knight in shining armor
πŸ‘︎ 73
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πŸ‘€︎ u/AWACS-Thunderhead
πŸ“…︎ Jun 24 2020
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USPS Questions

Should tortillas be sent flat rate? Is armor headgear sent over knight? Is an addicts mail tracked? Is mail to Gold's gym sent bulk rate? Should mail to a school's kindergarten be sent 1st class? Should the IRS send return receipts? just wondering...

πŸ‘︎ 12
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πŸ‘€︎ u/bolt470
πŸ“…︎ Jan 18 2021
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The court released the suspect on the grounds of being on an armor show on the night of the murder ...

it was an ironclad alibi!

πŸ‘︎ 12
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πŸ‘€︎ u/troy_lc
πŸ“…︎ Jul 12 2020
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I keep having this dream about a horse in full battle armor.

Actually it's probably more of a knight mare.

πŸ‘︎ 8k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Quint_Cordewener
πŸ“…︎ Jun 19 2019
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Who gets jazzed up to dry off people in suits of armor after dark?

A knight towel

πŸ‘︎ 6
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πŸ‘€︎ u/pj566
πŸ“…︎ Jun 25 2020
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Why did the knight ask his friends to send his armor to their friends?

It was chain mail.

πŸ‘︎ 17
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πŸ‘€︎ u/AyoRobo
πŸ“…︎ May 07 2020
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How does Sir Lancelot ship his armor to the jousting tournament?

U.S. Mail Over Knight Express

πŸ‘︎ 5
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Sir_Pluses
πŸ“…︎ Mar 09 2020
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I created the world’s first bulletproof vest using pages from recycled books

I call it Plot Armor β„’

πŸ‘︎ 3
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πŸ‘€︎ u/serialcompliment
πŸ“…︎ Nov 18 2020
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I'm really good at making armor.

You might say it's my strong suit.

πŸ‘︎ 7
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πŸ‘€︎ u/hitokirizac
πŸ“…︎ Feb 05 2020
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Armor
πŸ‘︎ 885
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Jaxx1099
πŸ“…︎ Nov 25 2017
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When a knight in Prague dons his armor...

...the Czech is in the mail.

πŸ‘︎ 57
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πŸ‘€︎ u/icebucketwood
πŸ“…︎ Oct 31 2019
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The best armor for sneaking is leather armor. reddit.com/r/Jokes/commen…
πŸ‘︎ 4
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πŸ‘€︎ u/IcerKaker
πŸ“…︎ Oct 07 2019
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Light in Shining Armor
πŸ‘︎ 8
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πŸ‘€︎ u/k9518
πŸ“…︎ Apr 30 2019
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Dad Jokes

It was a brisk Saturday morning when Gerald arrived at β€œThe CafΓ©,” a hip coffee shop right down the street. Wearing his large, burly black coat, he stared hesitantly at his watch. Thick glasses adorned his bright blue eyes, his gaze like starlight in a clear night sky. He was waiting, intently twiddling his thumbs. After a buzz of his phone, the message from Dad popped up: β€œParking now, be there in 5.”

β€œDad,” he whispered under his breath, swiping the message away to once again reveal the image on his lock-screen: a hazy picture of an ultrasound.

Gerald had not spoken to his father for three years. They had had a falling out, over which he did not remember. To him it was a competition of who could wait the longest without calling or sending a text. Who could wait the longest: him without a father, or his father without a son? The idea of friction in the relationship hurt like a thorn; piercing his soul more and more everyday. Until recently, out of the blue, β€œDad” popped up on his phone. The rest is history. The rest leads to that Saturday morning, at The CafΓ©.

Bang! A car door rang out not too far from where Gerald stood. Gerald saw him. His father wore his tweed jacket like a coat of armor. His strut was now weaker than before they stopped talking; a weakness evident in his cane which supported every right step. His shortly trimmed white beard juxtaposed against his uncut, curly grey hair gave him the image of a wise wizard from a fairytale. He used to be that figure to Gerald, yet instead of a nice ancient being acting like a stone to keep him grounded, Gerald had felt as though his father was a rock pulling him deeper and deeper into a sea of monotony. Holding him back from his true potential. Maybe that was why he left? He still did not know.

β€œHello, son,” came the withered voice Gerald had sook for so long, yet now that it had arrived wanted to avoid. β€œI can’t believe it’s been so long!”

β€œYeah,” said Gerald, allowing a smile to grace his face. β€œToo long!”

Then they hugged, signifying a change in their relationship. Gerald had hoped something could happen to bring them closer together. He did not want to go on wondering what could have been. The regret and sadness weighed him down. Before starting a new family, Gerald wanted to be reacquainted with his own.

After finding their table and sitting down, the two began to discuss life. It was like old friends catching up after a long break. Although it took some time, Gerald began to warm u

... keep reading on reddit ➑

πŸ‘︎ 8
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πŸ‘€︎ u/sullyrr
πŸ“…︎ Oct 08 2020
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(want to annoy coworkers on a slow day?) "Hey, can you call a wizard or a knight in shining armor?"

[cue confused looks]

"Because, today is a draggin'!" (dragon)

[cue "I hate you" looks and/or painful eye-roll]

πŸ‘︎ 3
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Feddny
πŸ“…︎ Jul 24 2019
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What do you call a owl with armor on?

A knight owl

πŸ‘︎ 9
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Jake_Sanders2
πŸ“…︎ Jun 09 2019
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Why do Paladins prefer Chain Mail?

Because it's Holey Armor.

πŸ‘︎ 8
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πŸ‘€︎ u/icemage27
πŸ“…︎ Sep 20 2020
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The most recent Game of Thrones episode was too dark and it was hard to see. I just wish some of the undead were wearing heavy armor and wielding swords. Then we'd be able to see just fine.

Because they would be Knight Wights.

πŸ‘︎ 9
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Maimonides_vii
πŸ“…︎ Apr 30 2019
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How did they name those guys who wore shiny armor in medieval times?

They couldn’t think of a name, so they decided to call it a knight.

πŸ‘︎ 16
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πŸ‘€︎ u/eawesome00
πŸ“…︎ Feb 22 2019
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How was medieval armor delivered?

by mail

πŸ‘︎ 11
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πŸ‘€︎ u/RonPalancik
πŸ“…︎ May 01 2018
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I built some armor to protect me from these dad jokes.

Its impunitrable

πŸ‘︎ 31
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πŸ‘€︎ u/HermansWerman
πŸ“…︎ May 01 2018
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In tents armor display i.reddituploads.com/9b38a…
πŸ‘︎ 94
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Stretch_Aye
πŸ“…︎ Sep 25 2016
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I saw a bird flying in a storm wearing armor

I think it was a knight in gale.

πŸ‘︎ 19
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Calthropstu
πŸ“…︎ May 16 2017
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Made some armor to protect myself against pesky birds.

It's impeccable.

πŸ‘︎ 22
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πŸ‘€︎ u/poohonhead
πŸ“…︎ Mar 03 2018
🚨︎ report
What do you get when you put a candle in a suit of armor?

A knight-light

πŸ‘︎ 11
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πŸ“…︎ Jan 27 2018
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β€ͺWhy is The Terminator bullet proof?‬

β€ͺBecause he’s Armored Schwarzenegger‬

πŸ‘︎ 10
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πŸ‘€︎ u/dubaidadjokes
πŸ“…︎ Feb 13 2020
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A couple of men, dressed in armor, walk into a hotel lobby and one says...

"A room for two knights please!"

πŸ‘︎ 4
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πŸ‘€︎ u/madazzahatter
πŸ“…︎ Sep 22 2017
🚨︎ report
Why is leather armor the best armor to sneak around in?

It's made of hide.

πŸ‘︎ 359
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πŸ‘€︎ u/trickyfelix
πŸ“…︎ Oct 27 2020
🚨︎ report
Why is leather armor the best for sneaking?

It’s made of hide.

πŸ‘︎ 13
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πŸ‘€︎ u/PotatoHowitzer
πŸ“…︎ Aug 19 2020
🚨︎ report
Why do you sneak around in leather armor?

Because it is made of hide.

πŸ‘︎ 87
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πŸ‘€︎ u/ReddMcNaughton
πŸ“…︎ Mar 19 2020
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What's the best kind of armor for sneaking?

Hide.

πŸ‘︎ 5
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πŸ“…︎ Apr 20 2020
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Why do rogues wear leather armor?

Because it's made of hide.

πŸ‘︎ 39
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πŸ‘€︎ u/28Hz
πŸ“…︎ Feb 01 2020
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I invented the first ever bulletproof book

I call it plot armor

πŸ‘︎ 2
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πŸ‘€︎ u/les_oueff
πŸ“…︎ Nov 18 2020
🚨︎ report
Leather armor is the best for sneaking

Its literally made of hide.

πŸ‘︎ 225
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πŸ‘€︎ u/DiverLife
πŸ“…︎ Feb 04 2019
🚨︎ report
What's the best armor to sneak around in?

Leather armor it's made out of Hide!

πŸ‘︎ 24
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πŸ‘€︎ u/TyreeArtist1
πŸ“…︎ Sep 14 2019
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Leather armor is perfect for sneaking because it's literally made of hide.
πŸ‘︎ 8k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Gatsbyyy
πŸ“…︎ Oct 12 2015
🚨︎ report
Leather armor is the best for sneaking

It's made of hide

πŸ‘︎ 8
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πŸ‘€︎ u/fire_fly43
πŸ“…︎ Sep 13 2019
🚨︎ report
Why does leather armor make you better at sneaking?

Because it's made of hide.

πŸ‘︎ 3k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/chaingunXD
πŸ“…︎ Mar 17 2015
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I keep having this dream about a horse in full battle armor

Actually it's probably more of a knight mare

πŸ‘︎ 18
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πŸ‘€︎ u/PopeliusJones
πŸ“…︎ May 03 2019
🚨︎ report
Why do rogues like leather armor?

Because it's made of hide.

πŸ‘︎ 79
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πŸ‘€︎ u/LungBubbles
πŸ“…︎ Apr 25 2017
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