39 Hilarious Amputee Puns - Punstoppable 🛑

What do you call a quadruple amputee in a pool?

Bob.

👍︎ 5

💬︎

👤︎ u/UnbreakableHoe

📅︎ Mar 18 2021

🚨︎ report

What does an amputee say when they need help?

Excuse me can you gimme a hand?

👍︎ 5

💬︎

👤︎ u/Vinny_Fox

📅︎ Feb 10 2021

🚨︎ report

What is it called when an amputee does karate?

Partial Arts

👍︎ 124

💬︎

👤︎ u/Light_bulbnz

📅︎ Oct 22 2020

🚨︎ report

Why was the amputee sad?

He had just been defeeted.

👍︎ 52

💬︎

👤︎ u/its_just_quin

📅︎ Sep 27 2020

🚨︎ report

Never trust an amputee

You can’t count on them

👍︎ 8

💬︎

👤︎ u/AshamedTurtwig

📅︎ Nov 30 2020

🚨︎ report

I've been trying to come up with a clever name for an amputee support group.

But so far, I'm stumped.

👍︎ 240

💬︎

👤︎ u/WulliesTime

📅︎ Jul 09 2020

🚨︎ report

My kid is an amputee. For xmas I got her a new prosthetic leg

It's just a stocking filler

👍︎ 17

💬︎

👤︎ u/bishslap

📅︎ Oct 20 2020

🚨︎ report

Somebody asked me to describe my life as an amputee, but I couldn't answer.

I was stumped.

👍︎ 64

💬︎

👤︎ u/ErwinFurwinPurrwin

📅︎ Apr 12 2020

🚨︎ report

I sing like an amputee..

Cause I can’t hold a note, can’t carry a tune.

👍︎ 4

💬︎

👤︎ u/HaulinBoats

📅︎ Apr 22 2020

🚨︎ report

Our amputee friend was pissed when we hid his prosthetic arm...

He didn't find it humerus

👍︎ 9

💬︎

👤︎ u/siKing

📅︎ Apr 30 2020

🚨︎ report

I once challenged an amputee to a swordfight

But he came unarmed :/

👍︎ 87

💬︎

👤︎ u/pineapple_cherry

📅︎ Oct 20 2019

🚨︎ report

VP Joe Biden announced he has hired a female amputee speech writer.

He said she would be really good at stump speeches.

👍︎ 5

💬︎

👤︎ u/M4sterofD1saster

📅︎ Apr 25 2020

🚨︎ report

I asked my amputee daughter if she could guess what we are having for dinner tonight

She replied with "I don't know dad I'm stumped"

👍︎ 90

💬︎

👤︎ u/Parkourturtle69

📅︎ Jun 15 2019

🚨︎ report

I once won an argument against an amputee.

As it turns out, he didn't have a leg to stand on.

👍︎ 18

💬︎

👤︎ u/2723brad2723

📅︎ Aug 12 2019

🚨︎ report

I lied on my application for membership to the American Amputee Association

When they found out, I was dismembered.

👍︎ 3

💬︎

👤︎ u/Happy_Each_Day

📅︎ Feb 20 2020

🚨︎ report

What do you call a quad amputee floating in the ocean?

Bob...

👍︎ 7

💬︎

👤︎ u/Fthisguy69420

📅︎ Mar 28 2019

🚨︎ report

My friend was floundering along till he met his amputee girlfriend.

She single-handedly changed his life.

👍︎ 65

💬︎

👤︎ u/porichoygupto

📅︎ Jun 06 2018

🚨︎ report

An amputee found a cheap artificial arm for sale on Ebay.

It was secondhand.

👍︎ 54

💬︎

👤︎ u/fatandsalt

📅︎ Aug 26 2018

🚨︎ report

Why did the bear amputee join the NRA?

For the right to bear arms.

👍︎ 2

💬︎

👤︎ u/BlueToasterofGloom

📅︎ Nov 13 2019

🚨︎ report

What’s an amputee ninja’s favorite weapon?

The nubchuck

👍︎ 11

💬︎

👤︎ u/saltyjoe

📅︎ Aug 05 2019

🚨︎ report

A husband comes home and finds his amputee wife lying in the bathtub with the shower head on, crying.

He feels pity at the sight and asks "What's wrong, love?" She turns to him and says "I can't stand showering without my legs"

👍︎ 3

💬︎

👤︎ u/ironfist221

📅︎ Aug 21 2019

🚨︎ report

Why couldn't the amputee be an editor?

He didn't have the footage.

👍︎ 3

💬︎

👤︎ u/ScizorRed

📅︎ Jun 05 2019

🚨︎ report

Why was the amputee depressed?

He was de-feeted

👍︎ 49

💬︎

👤︎ u/coverslide

📅︎ Jun 15 2018

🚨︎ report

Essay : discuss the advantages and disadvantages of being an amputee

Well on the one hand it can have a huge psychological impact

👍︎ 2

💬︎

👤︎ u/CVSSR

📅︎ Jul 17 2019

🚨︎ report

As an amputee, I think this needs to be said about one-arm jokes...

While on the one hand, they can certainly be hilarious

👍︎ 18

💬︎

👤︎ u/manufacture_reborn

📅︎ Aug 15 2017

🚨︎ report

My amputee friend just got cool new bionic legs...

...they're an amazing technological feat

👍︎ 6

💬︎

👤︎ u/Tabdelineated

📅︎ Jun 22 2016

🚨︎ report

What do you call an amputee riding passenger in a two-seater?

Sawed-off shotgun

👍︎ 16

💬︎

👤︎ u/duntchwishugnu

📅︎ Dec 20 2017

🚨︎ report

What do you call a boring amputee?

Lame.

👍︎ 2

💬︎

👤︎ u/Spamallthethings

📅︎ Dec 17 2018

🚨︎ report

Saw an amputee in the gym today..

I couldn't help but think "I wonder if he skips on leg day?"

👍︎ 4

💬︎

👤︎ u/HeisenbergTheKing

📅︎ Mar 26 2018

🚨︎ report

I really wanted to go to the amputee convention...

but it costs an arm and a leg to get in.

👍︎ 71

💬︎

👤︎ u/wellsdb

📅︎ Feb 06 2015

🚨︎ report

Why did the hand amputee propose to so many women?

He wanted their hand in marriage

👍︎ 2

💬︎

👤︎ u/throwaway1219021

📅︎ Mar 24 2018

🚨︎ report

What type of coffee does an amputee prefer?

Decalf!

👍︎ 8

💬︎

👤︎ u/mataxu

📅︎ Feb 24 2017

🚨︎ report

What do you call a German amputee?

Hans-free

👍︎ 8

💬︎

👤︎ u/takes_no_offense

📅︎ Oct 14 2015

🚨︎ report

My wife caught me having sex with an amputee

But like I always say "no arm, no foul"

👍︎ 2

💬︎

👤︎ u/tuckereh

📅︎ Jun 26 2017

🚨︎ report

What do you call a multiple-amputee guy who's stuck in a whirlpool?

Eddy.

👍︎ 3

💬︎

👤︎ u/nrith

📅︎ Aug 31 2015

🚨︎ report

The best part about being an above-knee amputee.

I asked a friend of mine if she liked being my friend, which of course, she said yes. I then asked her if she liked me as a person, which, of course she confirmed.

"Why are you asking questions like this? What's wrong?"

"Well, I heard you were lack-toes intolerant....."

👍︎ 2

💬︎

👤︎ u/DrakonFyre

📅︎ Jun 22 2015

🚨︎ report

How does the quadruple-amputee bear describe the morning after his surgery?

I woke up like this. Pawless.

👍︎ 2

💬︎

👤︎ u/Jbolte254

📅︎ Sep 23 2014

🚨︎ report

What do call an amputee that does karate?

Partial arts.

👍︎ 6

💬︎

👤︎ u/sk1wbw

📅︎ Jul 31 2019

🚨︎ report

What did the surgeon say to the amputee?

Need a hand there?

👍︎ 5

💬︎

👤︎ u/raheel1075

📅︎ Jan 01 2016

🚨︎ report