Pretty unfortunate that October is now..
When people ask about my heritage, I tell them there is an unfortunate side effect of my mother being Italian and my father being Polish ....
I’ll make you an offer I can’t understand.
Did you hear about the guy who had a dog named minton who had an unfortunate habit of eating shuttlecocks?
I was just telling my friend Michael Rains about my unfortunate allergy to my own grown barley
My grains give me migraines, Mike Rains
I feel sorry for New Yorkers right now because of the high number of Corona infected people. Hopefully they're the last to get it. Unfortunate for China though
They got it right off the bat
Unfortunate encounter [OC]
Let’s all hope no countries are unfortunate enough to lose their monarchs.
We don’t want an entire coronation.
MOM: I always see those same two homeless people kissing or holding hands. How sweet. See, even life's unfortunates can know love!
DAD: Those are tweakers, hon. They're either speed dating or just mething around.
MOM: I don't know why I married you.
There most unfortunate thing that can happen to an ordinary man
Is to have an extraordinary father
Me: You really need to watch “A series of unfortunate events.”
Her: Ok. Let me take out the wedding video.
It's unfortunate that the cop lost his tooth on job
But it's a huge responsibility & someone had to bite the bullet.
The Grim Reaper went to collect a soul. Upon arriving he says to the unfortunate man: "Your time has come, prepare to leave the land of the living and follow me to the gates of heaven. Now come and don't hesitate, for I am unforgiving. Or else you will wander in the shadow realm for eternity!
Hi unforgiving, I'm dad"
"Yes you are"
I frequently dad joke my lab, I hid this one in a procedure room for my next unfortunate victim. (X-post from r/labrats)
Sorry, this one only works as a picture: http://imgur.com/a/JwNOc
Making light of an unfortunate New Years Eve situation.
My girlfriend and I are hosting a party when I suddenly start suffering from stomach pain and diarrhea. Feeling crappy, I decide to lay down. My girlfriend comes into the bedroom to see how I'm doing. Looking sad, I tell her I'm sorry for being a party pooper.
A chameleon went to the doctor and said he was having trouble changing his colors. The doctor did some tests and called the chameleon. He informed the chameleon that unfortunately he was suffering from...
My buddy Jerry had to get taken to the hospital, unfortunately it looked like he needed to be operated on. He was unconscious and when he came to, he asked “what’s going to happen, am I going to be alright?”
After a long and difficult battle with 2020, unfortunately...
A guy got two dogs and named them One and Two. One has unfortunately escaped.
But it's ok, he still has Two left.
(Thanks for the joke, dad).
He missed his next meeting unfortunately
My wife went into labor today, so I read the front page of /r/DadJokes to her as a distraction from the pain. Unfortunately, she didn’t laugh once, was clearly not amused and I have no idea why...
It must have been the delivery...
Unfortunately since quarantine,
I can only tell inside jokes.
My daughter's teacher gave her a project to write the English alphabet on slips of paper. Unfortunately 25 letter slips got wrinkled on her way to school.
But atleast she has a smoothie
A man was tired of drinking well water as he didn't like the taste. In fact, he hated it so much that he decided to destroy the well using dynamite. Unfortunately...
So Gandhi fasted every day. His body got weaker and weaker. His feet grew incredibly tough from walking barefoot. He was deep into Hindu spirituality. Unfortunately, he had chronic bad breath.
I guess what I'm trying to tell you is that Gandhi was a super fragile, calloused mystic suffering from halitosis.
A salesman said his windows were unbreakable, so I punched one. That hurt, but not nearly as much as the window falling off the display and landing on my head. Unfortunately I can't sue...
...they were advertised as double-pain windows after all.
I put original copies of "The Fall of the House of Usher", "The Murders in the Rue Morgue", "The Pit and the Pendulum" and "The Tell-Tale Heart" on credit hoping to pay them off slowly. Unfortunately, I couldn't make all payments...
I'm on a plane and the lunch choices are: white meat chicken or German sausage. Unfortunately, I'm seated in the last row.
I'm hoping for the breast, but preparing
for the wurst.
Unfortunately, Superman won’t be able to fight Dracula this evening...
He won’t go near the crypt tonight.
Unfortunately, my wife left me recently because of my obsession with The Monkees, I thought she was joking.
And then I saw her face...
(Adapted from a youtube comment)
I put the memory device with the class assignment into the computer. Unfortunately, I chose the wrong one and porn started showing.
To avoid Covid on my flight, they converted the whole plane to Catholicism and started praying.
Unfortunately now we’ve got a load of confirmed cases...
Unfortunately, my obese parrot just died.
It is, however, a huge weight off my shoulders.
Unfortunately found my beautiful pet turkey dead today
Decided to make the best of it and turn him into tompost
My grandfather died because the report said he had Type A blood.
Unfortunately it was a Type-O.
A woman asks: “What’s upstairs.”
The man reply’s: “Unfortunately the stairs don’t talk.”
I took the shell off my racing snail, thinking it would make him faster. Unfortunately, it just seems to have made him sluggish.
I have always wanted to own a pure bread horse
https://preview.redd.it/x7eqsufaq1x51.jpg?width=599&format=pjpg&auto=webp&s=39fe9d67d655ff805ff8d98bf7b0a79d12d1b7c0
There was this news reporter who enjoyed incorporating puns into their reports. One day, they had to cover the story of a mass stabbing. Unfortunately, the reporter couldn't think of a pun so they just sighed and went on to report the news how it was...
"Sorry, no pun n' ten dead"
I got gas for $1.19 today!
Unfortunately, it was from Taco Bell.
I went to University to study to be a doctor.
Unfortunately, I had to drop out. I just didn't have the patients.
I bought the last ceiling fan they had at the store...
unfortunately, it was a floor model. My ankles are killing me!
Apparently Florida has the highest rate of infidelity in the country...
It's an unfortunate state of affairs.
I used to illegally give weed to my prize winning cows, but unfortunately I had to stop.
A man walks in to his job interview
The interviewer waits for the man to sit down before putting the papers in his hand flat on the table between them. "I have here the CV you submitted when you applied for this job. Unfortunately there's a 4 year gap on your CV, can you explain that please?"
The man shuffles uncomfortably in his seat and says "those are the years I went to Yale..."
The interviewer, not expecting this, was taken by surprise and said: "wow that's very impressive! You're hired!"
The man, surprised himself, replies: thanks! I really need this yob!"
Unfortunately my father passed away because we couldn’t figure out his blood type
His last words were “be positive”
My friend had a small horse that he tried taking trail riding. It died the first trip, unfortunately.
The mayor of Cowville hosted a citywide celebration of their milk. At the opening ceremony the mayor stood proudly above a pool of milk to show the exceptional quality. Unfortunately as he left the stage he fell into the pool of milk. The townsmen quickly rescued him and asked if he was okay:
"Yes", he said, "I'm all-white".
Needed some soup to braise my pork
Unfortunately the supermarket was out of stock.
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