What do old people win for ageing?
Ageing ...
A time-honoured tradition.
What did the ageing rollercoaster say to the ferris wheel?
How long does it take to beat a Sega game backwards? Ages...
Why shouldn't you put more than 239 beans in a soup?
Because adding just one more would make it too farty. Straight from my 7 year old daughter.
Edit: Thank you so much for the awards and upvotes. I showed my daughter how many people saw and appreciated her humor and she's extatic. I know she probably didn't come up with the joke herself but this was one of the first times she really got me with a good one and I thought I'd share it with some fellow dads and others.
Thousand and thousands of years ago, during the last ice age, there lived an animal that excelled at trigonometry, geometry, and could recite Pi to 100 decimal places. It was known simply as.....
.....the mammothematician.
What’s the oldest age someone could get a circumcision?
I just want to know the cutoff date.
At age 18 I lost both my kidneys...
...from that day in I had adult-neys.
It would be shocking if this isn't a repost but I could not resist
Me to my teen age daughter in the grocery store while I hold a melon.
“You cantaloupe! Your too young”
I havent read a book in ages. So i decided to start with a book of how clocks work.
What do you call it when someone bellow the age of 18 has a problem
The comments is full of puns like this one
At the age of 65, my Grandma started walking 5 miles a day.
She's 92 now. We have no idea where she is.
When I was in florida I saw signs saying "animal sanctuary 5$." so I decided to follow them but when I got there it was just a middle aged couple with hundreds of house cats and one dog in a cage.
The wife looked concerned when my son showed an interest in electricals at the age of 5.
He asked about the neutral wire.
I said "don't worry, its just a phase."
It has been scientifically proven that girls reach the age of puberty earlier than boys. Girls develop boobies around the age of thirteen...
...and boys develop them around the age of forty…
Watched Age of Ultron yesterday..
I still don't get why there was so much fighting over how old the guy was.
Dad: when I was your age I ran a maratho
Son: you mean marathon.
Dad: no I didn’t finish it.
You shouldn't discriminate against first graders based on their age.
Dad Jokes are like unvaccinated children.
I learned lock-picking at an early age
It has opened many doors for me.
Why is the time period from 476 - 800 ad known as Dark Ages?
Because it was the time of knights.
Whats the difference between girls/women aged 8, 18, 28, 38, 48, 58, 68 and 78
At 8. You take her to bed and tell her a story.
At 18. You tell her a story and take her to bed.
At 28. You don't need to tell her a story to take her to bed.
At 38. She tells you a story and takes you to bed.
At 48. She tells you a story to avoid going to bed.
At 58. You stay in bed to avoid her story.
At 68. If you take her to bed, that will be a story.
At 78. What story??? What bed??? Who the hell are you ???
What do you call teenagers who pee in their pants at the age of 14?
If Hermes was the messenger god, the he sure was lucky not to have met the god of pain and old age...
They found bones of a homisapien who lived before the ice age. Some say he was the first hipster...
since he lived on the earth before it was cool.
What do you call the time period between the Bronze and Iron Ages where humans learned to cure meat?
If old age is catching up with you ...
Why is dark written with a K not a C?
Because you can't C in the dark
My son asked if I picked my nose when I was his age.
I told him “no, I was born with it”
Apparently until the age of 10 ,
Sean Connery's son thought Humpty Dumpty, shat on the wall
What is an appropriate age to tell my highway it's adopted?
I feel like the 66 route is a little late
What’s an impostor’s favorite breakfast?
Ive been reading this book called “The A to Z of Northern Europe”, but it’s taking me ages...
Not sure I’ll ever get to the Finish
Out of all the inventions of the Bronze Age...
The shovel has to be the most groundbreaking of all
What is the worst part about being a letter carrier in the middle ages?
I don’t mean to brag, but I just put a puzzle together in 1 day...
and the box said 2-4 years!
Middle age is when you have the choice of two temptations....
.....and you pick the one that will get you home earlier.
What do you call it when you throw a middle aged woman off a building and they come back to you?
The best anti aging cream is being antisocial...
Without friends, nobody tells you happy birthday...
Without birthdays, you're not getting older!
I like all cheeses, those blue ones, those aged ones, even those sliced ones...
but why does Trump want to make America grate again??????/
When I turned 16, my dad told me it was time to get a job. “When I was your age, my very first job I had I worked with over 500 people under me.”...
“Wow!” I said. “Was it some big corporation?”
“No.” He replied, “I mowed the lawn in the cemetery.”
What's the oldest age someone could get a circumcision ?
I just need to know the cut-off date.
It has been scientifically proven that girls reach the age of puberty earlier than boys…
Girls develop tits around the age of thirteen, boys develop them around the age of forty…
Why was it called the dark ages?
Because of all the knights.
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