Winners never lose.

That's why I haven't lost my virginity.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Konato-san
πŸ“…︎ Nov 29 2020
🚨︎ report
Have you ever wondered why the winner of all the Miss Universe contest...

...always came from Earth ?

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πŸ‘€︎ u/VERBERD
πŸ“…︎ Dec 14 2020
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Daughter says it’s the winner of dad jokes

Our niece told us all in a family group text that they called the election.

I wrote β€œAnd did the election answer or did it go straight to voicemail?”

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πŸ‘€︎ u/PoppaTater1
πŸ“…︎ Nov 07 2020
🚨︎ report
We should have known this year was gonna suck. We were never gonna end the year as winners. The writing was on the wall. At the end of the year, we should have known we'd be facing the truth-

2021

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πŸ‘€︎ u/krigito
πŸ“…︎ Nov 25 2020
🚨︎ report
What do you call a goodlooking winner of a large suntanning competition?

Tan out of tan

πŸ‘︎ 4
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πŸ‘€︎ u/PLUMBUM2
πŸ“…︎ May 19 2020
🚨︎ report
The casino was giving a lucky winner a Toyota.

It's a Corolla of the dice.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/13toycar
πŸ“…︎ Feb 19 2020
🚨︎ report
The Oscar winner for Best Picture is a Bong hit.
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πŸ‘€︎ u/centuryeyes
πŸ“…︎ Feb 10 2020
🚨︎ report
Once again the marathon winner hails from east Africa.

Kenya believe their dominance

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Kamo3332
πŸ“…︎ Jan 17 2020
🚨︎ report
My Dad always taught me that in adultery there are no winners

but participation is more important than winning

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πŸ‘€︎ u/kickypie
πŸ“…︎ Dec 14 2019
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We have a winner
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πŸ‘€︎ u/TheBigBelly01
πŸ“…︎ Jul 17 2019
🚨︎ report
And to the winner of worlds most broken clock...

Give him a hand.

πŸ‘︎ 5
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πŸ‘€︎ u/TexanDucks
πŸ“…︎ Dec 31 2019
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Winner, winner
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πŸ‘€︎ u/JukeboxSommelier
πŸ“…︎ Jul 12 2019
🚨︎ report
What do Russian Olympic medal winners prove to the world?

That there was Russian medaling.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/boogerknows
πŸ“…︎ Nov 27 2019
🚨︎ report
How do owls decide the winner of drawn football matches?

With a penalty hootout.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/GuruGarySingh
πŸ“…︎ Oct 03 2019
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My dad thinks he came up with a winner

What comes before seagull?

Beagle

Please don’t punch me hahahhaa

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Exentr1x
πŸ“…︎ Feb 18 2019
🚨︎ report
And the winner for best neckwear is ...

Oh ... would you look at that ... it’s a tie

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πŸ‘€︎ u/captainkrinking
πŸ“…︎ Dec 31 2018
🚨︎ report
Why did the winner not eat his chicken dinner?

It smelled a little fowl.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/LeonneRose
πŸ“…︎ Jun 06 2019
🚨︎ report
My brother after watching the winner of a women's swimming event last night

Mom: is that swimmer Russian?

Bro: well.. Not anymore, she finished

Blank stares turned to realizations and then everyone threw stuff at him

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πŸ‘€︎ u/yeagerbomb16
πŸ“…︎ Aug 08 2016
🚨︎ report
Gaston was the first winner of the No Belle prize

Buh dum tiss

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πŸ‘€︎ u/ShakinBacon64
πŸ“…︎ Feb 02 2019
🚨︎ report
Did you hear about the awards show where the winners received an award that looked like a kitty's behind?

It was a catastrophe!

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Undope
πŸ“…︎ Feb 12 2019
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First fortune cookie of 2018 was a winner
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πŸ“…︎ Jan 01 2018
🚨︎ report
What does the winner of a marathon lose?

His breath.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/heroyn425
πŸ“…︎ Jan 03 2019
🚨︎ report
A Triple Crown Winner?

Affirmed!

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πŸ‘€︎ u/xwhy
πŸ“…︎ Jun 09 2018
🚨︎ report
What is a winners favorite Christmas song?

No L.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Froskr
πŸ“…︎ Dec 15 2016
🚨︎ report
Did you hear they have a winner in the cannibal tournament?

Everybody else was eliminated.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/YoureAMuenster
πŸ“…︎ Oct 15 2017
🚨︎ report
Why can you call hoes Nobel Prize winners?

They keep getting knocked up!

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πŸ‘€︎ u/SoapMyPotato
πŸ“…︎ Oct 16 2016
🚨︎ report
Winners always wear sandals

After all, you shoes, you lose

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πŸ‘€︎ u/PKMKII
πŸ“…︎ Aug 07 2017
🚨︎ report
11 y/o son with a winner

Son: I'd like to visit Switzerland Me: Why? son:Oh lots of reasons. Me: Really. Like what? Son: Well, their flag's a big plus!

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πŸ‘€︎ u/oecologia
πŸ“…︎ Feb 22 2016
🚨︎ report
When I worked as a vet we had an annual competition to find the cat with the dirtiest butt and the winner would get a trophy. This competition wasn't too successful...

In fact, it was a cat-ass-trophy!

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πŸ“…︎ Feb 16 2017
🚨︎ report
Winner of the 2012 O. Henry Punoff youtube.com/watch?feature…
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πŸ‘€︎ u/skinnymatters
πŸ“…︎ Mar 05 2013
🚨︎ report
Bad Dad Joke Friday Winner

A vulture was boarding a plane with a racoon in each hand. The flight attendant said, "I'm sorry, sir. Only one carion is allowed per passenger. "

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πŸ‘€︎ u/krissyfer
πŸ“…︎ Apr 03 2015
🚨︎ report
Dadjokes badge winner! One for the Pi day!

So, we were having dinner and talking about Pi day and I told them "everything relates to the circle of life", my daughter said "Dad you are not funny" and my wife said "you have become like my dad"

I think that was the ultimate badge of a dadjoker, right?

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πŸ‘€︎ u/un4r
πŸ“…︎ Mar 15 2016
🚨︎ report
Thought I had a winner, but my 5yo got the last word.

Son, in a silly voice: "I'd like another piece of matzah with cream cheese and a-vo-ca-TOE."

Me: I don't think avoca's have toes, ha ha ha.

Son: ....

Me: I was just joking around. It's really "a-vo-ca-DO."

Son: Avoca's don't have dough, either.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/spoonhocket
πŸ“…︎ Apr 21 2014
🚨︎ report
My fiancΓ© has a future of winners like this one ahead of her.

My lady was telling me a story in which she stained some clothing. She said that she 'shouted' it. I responded that some type of cleaner would probably work better than shouting at it.

If you don't know there is a laundry pretreat called Shout. http://www.shoutitout.com

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πŸ‘€︎ u/stevebobmike
πŸ“…︎ Mar 29 2014
🚨︎ report
And the winner for best neckwear is...

Oh would you look at that...it’s a tie.

πŸ‘︎ 40
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Gabriel_Aurelius
πŸ“…︎ Jan 02 2019
🚨︎ report

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