I blame the horse. He could have said neigh.
Second tears.
So I wore a tie.
That's why I haven't lost my virginity.
...always came from Earth ?
Our niece told us all in a family group text that they called the election.
I wrote βAnd did the election answer or did it go straight to voicemail?β
2021
Tan out of tan
It's a Corolla of the dice.
but participation is more important than winning
Give him a hand.
That there was Russian medaling.
Oh ... would you look at that ... itβs a tie
What comes before seagull?
Beagle
Please donβt punch me hahahhaa
With a penalty hootout.
Mom: is that swimmer Russian?
Bro: well.. Not anymore, she finished
Blank stares turned to realizations and then everyone threw stuff at him
It smelled a little fowl.
Buh dum tiss
It was a catastrophe!
His breath.
No L.
They keep getting knocked up!
Everybody else was eliminated.
Son: I'd like to visit Switzerland Me: Why? son:Oh lots of reasons. Me: Really. Like what? Son: Well, their flag's a big plus!
After all, you shoes, you lose
In fact, it was a cat-ass-trophy!
A vulture was boarding a plane with a racoon in each hand. The flight attendant said, "I'm sorry, sir. Only one carion is allowed per passenger. "
So, we were having dinner and talking about Pi day and I told them "everything relates to the circle of life", my daughter said "Dad you are not funny" and my wife said "you have become like my dad"
I think that was the ultimate badge of a dadjoker, right?
Son, in a silly voice: "I'd like another piece of matzah with cream cheese and a-vo-ca-TOE."
Me: I don't think avoca's have toes, ha ha ha.
Son: ....
Me: I was just joking around. It's really "a-vo-ca-DO."
Son: Avoca's don't have dough, either.
My lady was telling me a story in which she stained some clothing. She said that she 'shouted' it. I responded that some type of cleaner would probably work better than shouting at it.
If you don't know there is a laundry pretreat called Shout. http://www.shoutitout.com
Oh would you look at that...itβs a tie.
