How do libraries help keep the books warm?

They give them book jackets!

πŸ‘︎ 12
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πŸ“…︎ Feb 21 2021
🚨︎ report
Don’t forget to dress warm tomorrow

It’s going to be minus 45.

πŸ‘︎ 13
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πŸ‘€︎ u/sarcasticpremed
πŸ“…︎ Jan 20 2021
🚨︎ report
Give man a match and you'll keep him warm for a minute.

Set man on fire and he'll be warm for the rest of his life.

πŸ‘︎ 5
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πŸ‘€︎ u/ricerly
πŸ“…︎ Feb 03 2021
🚨︎ report
Dress warm if you’re in DC today!

It’s minus 45!

πŸ‘︎ 7
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πŸ‘€︎ u/margaritina
πŸ“…︎ Jan 20 2021
🚨︎ report
How warm is a janitors closet?

Broom temperature.

πŸ‘︎ 29
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πŸ‘€︎ u/VERBERD
πŸ“…︎ Nov 14 2020
🚨︎ report
What do astronauts use to stay warm?

A space heater.

πŸ‘︎ 17
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πŸ‘€︎ u/hercxjo
πŸ“…︎ Dec 05 2020
🚨︎ report
Looks warm
πŸ‘︎ 69
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Tarlungs110466
πŸ“…︎ Jul 26 2020
🚨︎ report
My wife keeps insisting that I should warm up before I start exercising.

Sounds like a stretch to me.

πŸ‘︎ 9
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πŸ‘€︎ u/porichoygupto
πŸ“…︎ Nov 16 2020
🚨︎ report
A german tourist jumped in the freezing water to save my dog. After he climbed out, he said, β€œhere is ze dog, dry him off and keep him warm, he vill be fine. I asked him, β€œare you a vet?”

He said, β€œvet? I’m fucking soaking”

πŸ‘︎ 10k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/rohanlahiri05
πŸ“…︎ Jan 07 2020
🚨︎ report
I heard it was warm and cozy inside.
πŸ‘︎ 11
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πŸ‘€︎ u/LifeisBeautifur
πŸ“…︎ Aug 17 2020
🚨︎ report
Whenever I can't work because of lack of connectivity, I get a warm fuzzy feeling

internet must be down.

πŸ‘︎ 3
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πŸ‘€︎ u/buckeyespud
πŸ“…︎ Sep 25 2020
🚨︎ report
Justice is a dish best served cold, if it were served warm jt would be justwater.
πŸ‘︎ 12k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/domadomdom
πŸ“…︎ Jun 26 2019
🚨︎ report
How else would they stay warm all winter?
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Lams1d
πŸ“…︎ Jun 28 2020
🚨︎ report
2020 came out looking like a warm chocolate chip cookie...

then BAM oatmeal raisin!

πŸ‘︎ 28
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Savannah_P_Frost
πŸ“…︎ Jul 05 2020
🚨︎ report
My wife had a hard day at work, so I drew her a warm bath...

She didn't really seem to appreciate the sketch but it went on the fridge anyway...

Edit: I thunk up a better punchline.

πŸ‘︎ 64
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πŸ‘€︎ u/thomasbrakeline
πŸ“…︎ Apr 09 2020
🚨︎ report
Just don't serve it warm
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πŸ‘€︎ u/albanianbitchee
πŸ“…︎ Apr 10 2020
🚨︎ report
[from my 4yo boy] How do you keep warm in a cold room?

Go to the corner there always around 90Β°

πŸ‘︎ 7
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πŸ‘€︎ u/123sam321
πŸ“…︎ May 08 2020
🚨︎ report
Today i drank a warm monster or should i say

A warmster

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πŸ‘€︎ u/JoNNeMoPo69
πŸ“…︎ Jun 15 2020
🚨︎ report
The key to staying warm is lots of layers
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πŸ‘€︎ u/JukeboxSommelier
πŸ“…︎ Jan 22 2020
🚨︎ report
Why isn’t the Pacific Ocean warm?

Because it’s bordering on Chile..

πŸ‘︎ 5
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πŸ‘€︎ u/TacoBananaBlend
πŸ“…︎ Jun 18 2020
🚨︎ report
What did the fish say when he rammed into the warm wall?

"Hot dam!"

πŸ‘︎ 3
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πŸ‘€︎ u/professorf
πŸ“…︎ Jun 22 2020
🚨︎ report
My friend keeps insisting that I should always warm up before I start exercising.

I think that’s a stretch.

πŸ‘︎ 18
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πŸ‘€︎ u/porichoygupto
πŸ“…︎ May 06 2020
🚨︎ report
Was watching Star Wars with my daughter. She asked why Luke was climbing inside a Tauntaun, I said to keep warm.

She asked how warm is it inside. I replied Lukewarm.

πŸ‘︎ 20k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/jakeisbill
πŸ“…︎ Feb 05 2018
🚨︎ report
With the nice warm weather last weekend, a neighbor was enthusiastically diggin' in the dirt planting his garden!

He was so excited about it, he wet his plants.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/djpatientnathan
πŸ“…︎ May 07 2020
🚨︎ report
How warm is the gunk in your eyes after you wake up?

About rheum temperature

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πŸ‘€︎ u/pappybrubs
πŸ“…︎ Feb 21 2020
🚨︎ report
Wow I was a wreck last night -- t-shirt under sweat clothes, under two cotton sheets, under a polypropylene comforter, and a quilt on top of that! I could NOT get warm!

I can't imagine how miserable I'd be if I didn't have that can of Pringles in the cupboard....

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Naitraen
πŸ“…︎ Dec 20 2019
🚨︎ report
I recently visited Washington state for the first time. Much to my surprise, it ended up being a warm and sunny day when I arrived! Put on a tank top, threw on some shades, and picked up an iced latte. I took a stroll through the park near the Space Needle and had a wonderful time.

I guess you could say I was sleeveless in Seattle

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πŸ‘€︎ u/jazzywaffles84
πŸ“…︎ Mar 16 2020
🚨︎ report
How warm is a baby just before their birth?

Womb temperature

πŸ‘︎ 66
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πŸ‘€︎ u/racloves
πŸ“…︎ Jul 12 2019
🚨︎ report
BLK, the black bottled water, is best served warm.

If you want it cold, you have to add the AC.

πŸ‘︎ 12
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πŸ‘€︎ u/JJ4mmer
πŸ“…︎ Jan 05 2020
🚨︎ report
Can someone tell me if it's true that fishermen put maggots in their mouths in order to warm them up?

Awaiting a reply with baited breath...

πŸ‘︎ 6
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πŸ‘€︎ u/cotswoldboy
πŸ“…︎ Oct 23 2019
🚨︎ report
I like the warm weather, it keeps me warm.

This was my warm-up joke.

πŸ‘︎ 14
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πŸ‘€︎ u/MiguelXavierTD
πŸ“…︎ Oct 28 2019
🚨︎ report
You know why I like warm weather? It keeps me warm.

Don't worry, that's just my warm-up joke.

As much as I'd like to claim this as mine, credit goes to a friend of mine for this one.

πŸ‘︎ 10
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πŸ“…︎ Jul 01 2018
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I recently came home from holiday, and my friend asks me: "So, was it warm in Peru?"

I said: "It was actually Chile."

πŸ‘︎ 46
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Joups
πŸ“…︎ Sep 11 2019
🚨︎ report
Don’t forget to dress warm tomorrow

I heard it’s going to be minus 45

πŸ‘︎ 6
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πŸ‘€︎ u/roshiqx
πŸ“…︎ Jan 20 2021
🚨︎ report
Build a man a fire and he’s warm for a day...

...set him on fire and he’s warm the rest of his life.

πŸ‘︎ 19
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πŸ‘€︎ u/thepunis
πŸ“…︎ Sep 29 2020
🚨︎ report
If you build a man a fire he will be warm for a day.

If you set a man on fire he will be warm for the rest of his life.

πŸ‘︎ 5k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/bot_10
πŸ“…︎ Oct 20 2019
🚨︎ report
Justice is a dish best served cold, if it were served warm it would be justwater
πŸ‘︎ 13k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Spider_Dimwit
πŸ“…︎ Jun 18 2018
🚨︎ report
I was watching Star Wars with my daughter. She asked why Luke was climbing inside a Tauntaun, I said to keep warm.

She asked how warm is it inside? I said Lukewarm.

πŸ‘︎ 12
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πŸ‘€︎ u/mark30322
πŸ“…︎ Dec 24 2019
🚨︎ report
What do astronauts use to stay warm?

Space Heaters

πŸ‘︎ 34
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πŸ‘€︎ u/liljacobs05
πŸ“…︎ Nov 05 2019
🚨︎ report
How do you keep food warm in the refrigerator

Keep it in the corner because it is 90 degree

πŸ‘︎ 6
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πŸ‘€︎ u/xd_Velociraptor
πŸ“…︎ Dec 14 2019
🚨︎ report
How do they keep astronauts warm on the International Space Station?

Space heaters

πŸ‘︎ 9
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πŸ‘€︎ u/SlaterTech
πŸ“…︎ Dec 04 2019
🚨︎ report
Justice is best served cold. If it were served warm, it would be justwater.
πŸ‘︎ 12
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Dr_Prof_Good
πŸ“…︎ Jul 15 2019
🚨︎ report
How do you keep the ISS warm?

Space heaters!

πŸ‘︎ 6
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πŸ‘€︎ u/_-No0ne-_
πŸ“…︎ Nov 26 2019
🚨︎ report
Build a man a fire and he'll be warm for a day...

...set a man on fire and he'll be warm for the rest of his life.

πŸ‘︎ 25
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ“…︎ Sep 08 2019
🚨︎ report

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