Visited a zoo today, it was terrible. It only had one dog in it.
Why did the nudist visit the clothing store?
He heard that the clothes were 100% off.
When I heard the royals were visiting Jamaica, all I could think of was:
Fellow 1: I was fed up and needed a holiday, so I decided to take my wife and I to the West Indies.
Fellow 2: Jamaica?
Fellow 1: No, she went of her own accord.
My friend from Germany was visiting America and he asked someone what their favorite number was
According to him they refused to answer
My friend worked as a marshal at the Formula 1 circuit, but he was accused of theft and sent home. At first I thought he was innocent but when I visited him...
there were a lot of red flags.
Visiting the origami art gallery was really expensive
The year before my dad's 70th birthday he wants to visit a city in the south of France
My straight friend came out as bi after his visit to China.
He went to the Go-bi desert.
What did the Francophile say when asked where he wanted to visit for his 69th birthday?
Couple visiting minnesota
Found frozen, they went to see "closed for winter" at the drive in
I visited a monastery and as I walked by the kitchen I saw a man frying chips. I asked him "are you the friar?"
He replied "no im the chip monk."
When a new child visited our Sunday school,
the teacher greeted him and asked his age. The little boy held up four fingers.
"Oh, you're four," said the teacher. "And when will you be 5?"
The child stared at her and after a few seconds replied, "When I hold up the other finger."
Optometrist visit
Dad: "I'm going to the optometrist today to get my new glasses".
Son: "then what?".
Dad: "we'll see"
I just visited a coastal town in the south of France.
When I first visited my prosthetist, she gave me two left legs.
I never liked her after that. We got off on the wrong foot.
I really love visiting Subway's website.
It gives you free cookies.
A man is visiting friends in Alabama and decides he’s needs a drink so he goes to a local bar He walks in and orders a glass of wine. Everyone sitting around the bar looks up expecting to see a flamboyant yankee. The bartender eyes him suspiciously and asks “ you ain’t from around here are you?”
“No sir,” He says, “I’m from Minnesota”
“ What the hell do you do in Minnesota” the bartender asks.
“Im a taxidermist!” The man replies.
“What the hell is that!?” The bartender asks.
The guy says nervously “ I umm, mount dead animals”
The bartender smiles and shouts out to the whole bar “ it’s ok fellas, he’s one of us!”
Why did the cake visit the psychologist?
It felt like everyone wanted a piece of them
Why did the gnome visit his mother?
To get a gnome cooked meal
I intentionally left my cell phone at home when I went to visit the Vatican for the first time
But somehow I still incurred massive Roman charges.
The three wise men were visiting Mary and Joseph in the manger. The tall wise man hits his head on the door frame and says, "Jesus Christ!"
Mary turns to Joseph and says, "Write that down. It's better than Kevin."
Man visits the cirus looking for a job...
"What can you do?" Asks the Ringleader
"I can imitate a bird" the man replies.
"Ppfff that's nothing" says the Ringleader "Anyone can imitate a bird! get outta here and stop wasting my time!"
The man doesn't argue. He simply gets up and flies out the window.
Context: I’m visiting my parents in Montana for Xmas and we’re driving around looking at elk and birds, etc…
We see a flock of geese flying in a “V” formation and my dad asks, “Do you know why when geese fly in a ‘V’ it’s never even, there’s always more on one side of the ‘V’ than the other?”
Intrigued, I ask, “Why?”
He says, “Because they always fly in odd numbers..”
There’s a reason why aliens haven’t visited the solar system yet.
They checked the reviews and saw we only have one star.
I visited my friend's place and from the bathroom his 5 yo son yells I'm peein'!
I quickly responded European? I thought you were American! My friend just looks at me like well done.
I visited my new friend in his apartment.
He told me to make myself at home.
So I threw him out, I hate visitors.
I am a professional reviewer of historic sites in the United States. I recently visited the site of a famous gunfight at a corral in Arizona...
What does a Panda do when they visit a prostitute?
A man visits his father for the holidays. He says, "Dad, I have an imaginary girlfriend and I brought her to meet you." His father facepalms and says, "You know, you could do better." The son says "Aww, thanks Dad!"
Dad looks at him and says, "I was talking to your girlfriend."
Visiting the dentist becomes rather
... boring once you know the drill...
An old man goes to visit his doctor about painful peeing. His wife goes with him because the old man is hard of hearing. After an examination the Doctor says to the old man, "I need you to leave a urine, semen and feces samples for analysis."
The old man didn't quite hear the Doctor and asks his wife, "What did the Doctor say?"
The wife replies, "He wants you to leave your underpants here, dear."
Why did the crocodile visit the doctor?
He had a reptile dysfunction
Dog men never visit the capital of Nepal.
What's the best time to visit the dentist?
I visited an Indian restaurant and asked the cook how they made my meal.
He said, "It's naan of your business."
What is a visit to the dad joke factory called?
I visited a restaurant tonight and the waiter asked how I like my steak
I told him I want it just like winning an argument with my wife.
Rare it is!
I needed to get away from the city so I visited my grandpa, who is a rancher. We were tending to the cows and I told him I needed advice. He said that we'll talk later, but then turned away and said, "get a long little doggie."
I've been so happy with my dachshund. Best advice ever.
From my 9 year old yesterday...
Why did the chicken cross the road?
To visit the idiot...
Knock Knock
Who's there?
The chicken.
Which unusual method of transport do I take to visit one of my favourite restaurant establishments?
What do you call a roller skate that can’t figure out what to do?
Why haven't aliens visited our solar system yet?
After checking the reviews, they saw we only had one star.
Why haven't aliens tried to visit us yet?
Most of our reviews are just one star.
Please note that this site uses cookies to personalise content and adverts, to provide social media features, and to analyse web traffic. Click here for more information.
