I know a couple of vampire puns

But they all suck.

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πŸ“…︎ Jul 07 2020
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πŸ‘︎ 3
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Rayeth
πŸ“…︎ Jul 29 2009
🚨︎ report
Why don’t vampires play poker?

They are afraid of the stakes

πŸ‘︎ 427
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πŸ‘€︎ u/kilographix
πŸ“…︎ May 02 2021
🚨︎ report
Why are there no English vampires?

Because the sun never sets in the English Empire.

P.S, my first pun, sorry if it's bad guy.

Edit: my first dad joke, Haha sorry

πŸ‘︎ 5
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Time_Bag4931
πŸ“…︎ Jun 06 2021
🚨︎ report
Here is present the vampire state building.
πŸ‘︎ 7
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πŸ‘€︎ u/vaibhav1803
πŸ“…︎ Jun 09 2021
🚨︎ report
I killed my friend. I thought he was a vampire.

It was a mistake.

πŸ‘︎ 5
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πŸ‘€︎ u/billbixbyakahulk
πŸ“…︎ May 31 2021
🚨︎ report
Why do vampires only play the penny and nickel slot machines?

Small stakes.

πŸ‘︎ 15
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πŸ‘€︎ u/billbixbyakahulk
πŸ“…︎ May 29 2021
🚨︎ report
Is 'The Vampire Diaries' even a good show?

I heard the Characters suck a lot

πŸ‘︎ 21
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πŸ‘€︎ u/assastrix
πŸ“…︎ May 23 2021
🚨︎ report
How do you kill a southern vampire?

You bless his heart

πŸ‘︎ 98
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πŸ“…︎ Apr 27 2021
🚨︎ report
Why don't vampires buy company shares?

They are afraid of stake holder meetings.

πŸ‘︎ 29
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Calthropstu
πŸ“…︎ May 27 2021
🚨︎ report
My wife got really mad at me for stabbing a vampire to death today

I guess I was supposed to give them candy because it’s β€œHalloween”

πŸ‘︎ 7
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πŸ‘€︎ u/ebrow9
πŸ“…︎ May 04 2021
🚨︎ report
To kill a French vampire, you have to drive a baguette through it's heart.

Sounds easy, but the process is painstaking .

πŸ‘︎ 16k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/VERBERD
πŸ“…︎ Nov 02 2020
🚨︎ report
You do realise that Vampires aren't real...

Unless you Count Dracula.

πŸ‘︎ 11k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/VERBERD
πŸ“…︎ Dec 02 2020
🚨︎ report
I recently bought 51% of a Vampire hunting company...

I'm the main stake holder.

πŸ‘︎ 624
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πŸ‘€︎ u/VERBERD
πŸ“…︎ Feb 08 2021
🚨︎ report
What do you call a vampire in a car?

A blood drive

πŸ‘︎ 34
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πŸ‘€︎ u/koNekterr
πŸ“…︎ Apr 30 2021
🚨︎ report
What is the baby vampire's least favorite fast food establishment?

Stake n shake!

(I'm not sure if this is a regional restaurant but I assure you it exists.)

πŸ‘︎ 16
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πŸ‘€︎ u/ZombieHeyHeyHeyOh
πŸ“…︎ Mar 26 2021
🚨︎ report
I was asked who my favorite vampire is. I said β€œthe muppet from Sesame Street”

They told me β€œhe doesn’t count!”. I replied β€œI assure you he does”.

πŸ‘︎ 19
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Scaulbylausis
πŸ“…︎ Mar 04 2021
🚨︎ report
2 priests walk into a vampire

One says "Quick show him your cross"

The other priest crosses his arms and says "I'm so disappointed in you"

πŸ‘︎ 4k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Theoriginalclarky
πŸ“…︎ Sep 05 2020
🚨︎ report
What do you call a skeletal Vampire?

Fibula.

πŸ‘︎ 3
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πŸ‘€︎ u/sanswearingvans
πŸ“…︎ Feb 14 2021
🚨︎ report
Why do vampires bite people's necks to turn them undead?

Because they're neck romancers.

πŸ‘︎ 13
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Eepdog
πŸ“…︎ Feb 06 2021
🚨︎ report
Did you know that Africa has had no vampires since 1982?

That's the year that Toto blessed the rains there.

πŸ‘︎ 6
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πŸ“…︎ Dec 25 2020
🚨︎ report
What's a vampire's favorite drink?

Bloodweiser

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Rathabro
πŸ“…︎ Jan 05 2021
🚨︎ report
What do you get when you cross a snowman and a vampire ?

Frostbite

πŸ‘︎ 10
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Amart1985
πŸ“…︎ Feb 06 2021
🚨︎ report
A vampire was confused at his reflection

He wondered, what happened to the man in the mirror?

πŸ‘︎ 3
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Ivory9576
πŸ“…︎ Feb 11 2021
🚨︎ report
Why did the vampire get a COVID test?

Because he was COFFIN.

πŸ‘︎ 46
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πŸ‘€︎ u/brylanham
πŸ“…︎ Nov 24 2020
🚨︎ report
What kind of beer does a vampire drink?

Bloodweiser

πŸ‘︎ 69
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Felix-the-Bear
πŸ“…︎ Oct 31 2020
🚨︎ report
Why do vampires seem sick?

They’re always coffin.

πŸ‘︎ 28
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πŸ‘€︎ u/WadeOfTroy
πŸ“…︎ Dec 11 2020
🚨︎ report
My 5 year old just got me with this one: What do you get when you cross a vampire with a snowman?

Frostbite!

πŸ‘︎ 24
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πŸ‘€︎ u/ilikecake81
πŸ“…︎ Jan 02 2021
🚨︎ report
What do you call a vampire ant?

A-count-ant.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/afarro
πŸ“…︎ Jan 31 2021
🚨︎ report
What kind of workout does a vampire hate?

CrossFit.

πŸ‘︎ 14
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πŸ‘€︎ u/spawnthink
πŸ“…︎ Oct 20 2020
🚨︎ report
What is a vampires girlfriend Called?

His ghoul-friend.

πŸ‘︎ 7
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πŸ‘€︎ u/VERBERD
πŸ“…︎ Jan 06 2021
🚨︎ report
What’s a vampires favorite fruit?

A NECK-tarine!

πŸ‘︎ 46
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Greystone_86
πŸ“…︎ Oct 26 2020
🚨︎ report
A man was caught stealing at a supermarket today while standing on the shoulders of a couple of vampires

He was charged with shoplifting on two counts

πŸ‘︎ 9
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Hud_is_on
πŸ“…︎ Dec 02 2020
🚨︎ report
What kind of restaurants do Vampires avoid?

STEAK-houses.

πŸ‘︎ 17
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Whitetaild33r
πŸ“…︎ Dec 23 2020
🚨︎ report
Vampire (Punny)

Gave a vampire a stake and now they’re...well...done.

πŸ‘︎ 8
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πŸ‘€︎ u/SaymoSaymo
πŸ“…︎ Nov 12 2020
🚨︎ report
What do vampires do when they are trying to fall asleep?

Count Draculas.

πŸ‘︎ 98
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πŸ‘€︎ u/BusyPooping
πŸ“…︎ Oct 30 2020
🚨︎ report
What would you call a vampire who is into finance?

Account Dracula

πŸ‘︎ 4
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πŸ‘€︎ u/viwanshu
πŸ“…︎ Nov 08 2020
🚨︎ report
What did the vampire say to his girlfriend as he nuzzled her bosom?

Fangs for the mammaries.

πŸ‘︎ 7
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πŸ‘€︎ u/johnnay8
πŸ“…︎ Dec 19 2020
🚨︎ report
What diner meal is dangerous for vampires?

Stake and eggs (sunny side up, of course)

πŸ‘︎ 6
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πŸ‘€︎ u/LaChuteQuiMarche
πŸ“…︎ Nov 09 2020
🚨︎ report
It's true what they say about scaring vampires with a torch.

You can see it in their fright of light response.

πŸ‘︎ 5
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πŸ‘€︎ u/praisethelort
πŸ“…︎ Dec 23 2020
🚨︎ report
What does a vampire bite if he wants something sweet?

A necktarine

πŸ‘︎ 40
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πŸ‘€︎ u/hevlerius73
πŸ“…︎ Oct 10 2020
🚨︎ report
I recently bought 51% of a Vampire hunting company.

I'm the main stake holder.

πŸ‘︎ 7
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πŸ‘€︎ u/VERBERD
πŸ“…︎ Apr 27 2021
🚨︎ report
I recently bought 51% of a Vampire hunting company....

I am now the main stake holder.

πŸ‘︎ 29
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πŸ‘€︎ u/VERBERD
πŸ“…︎ Mar 05 2021
🚨︎ report
I was asked who my favorite vampire was. I said it was the Muppet from Sesame Street.

They said, he doesn't count!

I replied, "I can assure you, he does!"

πŸ‘︎ 10
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πŸ‘€︎ u/BastetLXIX
πŸ“…︎ Mar 02 2021
🚨︎ report
What do you get when you combine and vampire and a snowman?

Frostbite

πŸ‘︎ 15
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πŸ‘€︎ u/apathy714
πŸ“…︎ Dec 25 2020
🚨︎ report
What do you get when you cross a snowman with a vampire?

Frostbite.

πŸ‘︎ 15
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πŸ‘€︎ u/justbeatitTTD
πŸ“…︎ Dec 21 2020
🚨︎ report
The only way to kill a French vampire is to slowly drive a baguette through its heart.

The process is a little painstaking.

πŸ‘︎ 88
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πŸ‘€︎ u/porichoygupto
πŸ“…︎ Oct 20 2020
🚨︎ report
A man was caught stealing from a supermarket today while balanced on the shoulders of a couple of vampires;

He was charged with shoplifting on two counts.

πŸ‘︎ 11
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πŸ‘€︎ u/The_Russell_Pinto
πŸ“…︎ Dec 02 2020
🚨︎ report

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